The Babysitter
by Sandstorm111
Summary: It's Harry's 6th year and to make sure that he doesn't make any rash decisions, Tonks' new order assignment is to pose as a new student.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't Own Harry Potter.

The Baby Sitter: Chapter 1

Fifteen year old Harry Potter lay facedown on his bed, wallowing in his misery. He'd been at #4 Privet Drive for nearly 3 weeks now and July was just beginning. Weeks had passed, but he just couldn't get over the death of his godfather, Sirius Black, though he was getting some help from a certain person…

There was a tap on the window and Harry smiled for the first time that day, knowing it was her. He rolled off of his bed and went to his window. Sure enough, standing in the backyard, was a the girl he'd been waiting for since he'd woken up about an hour before. She had long, blonde hair and was wearing a pair of shorts and a tank-top.

Her name was Erin Howles, a girl Harry had gone to school with when he was younger. Back then she'd always made fun of him just like everyone else. She'd apologized for that the first day he'd seen her again, the day after he'd gotten back to Privet thought back to the day.

_He'd known that Mundungus Fletcher was on guard due to the snores from the drunk who was sleeping under his window. He climbed out of his window and down the side of the house and approached his guard, waking him up. Harry had then threatened Fletcher, though it was a false threat, to tell him the rotation for guard duties. The older wizard had agreed quickly in fear of what Harry might tell certain people._

_After that Harry began to wander around the neighborhood, just happy to free. He knew that the summer was going to be much better now that he would be able to get out of the hell hole he was supposed to be able to call home. He'd gone to the park where he'd met Erin. She was smoking a cigarette and just sitting on the only swing that wasn't broken._

_Harry walked up to her and said, "That's my favorite swing."_

_Erin had looked up curiously. "Really? I've never seen you here on the very swing before. In fact, I haven't seen you around here in a long time, Harry Potter."_

_Harry shrugged. "I'm not really allowed out."_

"_So it's true then? You look a little scrawny to be a criminal to me."_

_Harry had glared at her. This girl he didn't even know was calling him scrawny! "You know, I came here to be alone, not be insulted!"_

"_You sir, approached me! So there!" Erin shouted with a large grin. Harry turned and began to walk away when she called, "Hey! Wait!"_

_Harry turned back. "Yes?"_

_Erin held out her half smoke cigarette. "Want a drag?"_

Harry smiled at the memory and began to climb out his window. He didn't hear any snores, but paid no attention. Dung wouldn't rat him out. The young wizard ran up to Erin and grinned while she kissed his cheek as she always did in greeting. They didn't speak until they had reached the road in case any of the Dursley's heard them. He'd told Erin enough that she knew that his relatives absolutely loathed him.

"How've you been Harry?" she asked, handing him a cigarette that he badly needed. Nasty Habit.

Harry smiled. "You saw me two days ago. Nothing could have possibly happened. I cooked, I cleaned, I got screamed at. Same as always."

Erin took his hand. "Don't get cocky with me Potter. I'll kick you're ass!"

Harry laughed. "Yeah right… shorty."

Erin glared at him. She hated her height which was five foot and a half of an inch. Harry just leaned in and kissed her lightly and she instantly forgave him. She couldn't help it. They continued on their way, heading toward the park. They didn't talk much like they usually did. This was mostly due to Harry's current pain as his scar prickled. Erin was used to these occasional silences, though she didn't know why they happened.

Erin didn't know much about Harry's real life. She knew that he wasn't a criminal as everyone believed thanks to his relatives. He'd told her that during the year he was to a school in Scotland and after his birthday he would stay at his friend's house. She knew that his relative's hated him but she didn't know why. Other than that she just knew small things about him: his favorite color being green, how he wished the he could fly, his favorite food… the small things.

The pair finally made it to the park only to see Dudley and his gang. They were beating on a smaller kid who was maybe around 12. Erin recognized him, it was her friend Alyssa's younger brother Zack. She turned to Harry and saw that he was already stalking up to his cousin.

"Harry…"

Harry ignored the warning tone in Erin's voice and shouted, "Hey Big D!" All heads turned to him and the kid used this to get away, sending Harry a grateful look as he went. Harry gave him a small nod and a smile. He knew what it was like to be Dudley's punching bag. "You beating up another 10 year old? How very brave. Why not try for someone your own size?"

"Like you?" Piers laughed and snorted. Harry looked at him with mock offense.

"Now I really don't exactly think that I qualify. I mean, I was thinking more along the lines of somebody the size of a hippopotamus, maybe, but that is certainly not me."

Despite herself, Erin giggled. She knew that this was bad though. Things were sure to get out of hand and if that happened then Harry would really be in trouble.

"What are you doing with him Erin?" another boy asked in disgust. His name was Danny and she gave him her own disgusted look as he said, "Why not be with a real man?"

"Harry's twice the man any of you fucking dumb shits are," Erin retorted angrily. She calmed a little when Harry wrapped and arm around her waist and added slyly, "Especially where it counts."

Harry smirked. Their faces were priceless, especially Dudley's as he realized that his cousin was getting more action than him. It was also very true even though he and Erin had only been together a short while. But hey, shit happens. He turned to Erin and smiled genuinely and murmured, "Let's go. I can't fight him again this summer. I was already in trouble once from last week."

Erin only nodded and stood on her toes to kiss him before they began to walk away.

"You scared Potter?" Dudley shouted as he tried to gain back some dignity. What better way to do that than to beat the shit out of his 'freak' cousin?

Harry didn't even turn around. "Your little threats are the least of my worries, Dudders. You a mere bug compared to what I've seen. And considering that you could probably take down a hippo if you wanted to, that's saying something."

Harry could hear Dudley's feet pounding over the ground as he ran after him. Harry narrowed his eyes. A week before the two had fought but it had been broken up before a winner could be declared. It was time to show his cousin that he was no longer a punching bag.

Spinning around Harry threw his fist into Dudley's face. His knuckles connected with Dudley's nose, making the bigger boy cry out in pain. It wasn't broken but it was bleeding.

Now even more enraged, Dudley threw his own punches. They were slow and Harry was able to dodge most of them until one connected with the side of his head. Harry shook it off, allowing Dudley to get in two more punches. His gang was cheering him on. Erin was struggling with whether or not to find help for Harry or staying.

Harry watched as Dudley Brought back his fist once more as though getting ready for the ending blow. Harry smirked and brought up his knee into Dudley's crotch, making the other boy's flinch. Harry felt no sympathy however, and while his cousin was kneeled over he punched him in the stomach. Getting the feeling that Dudley may not have felt it as much as he wished, Harry elbowed him in the back.

"Come on!" he hissed to Erin. They ran from the park and hid in an alley. A few seconds later Dudley's gang ran by shouting to each other angrily and looking for the two of them. A grin slowly stretched across Harry's face. Yup, he was no longer the punching bag. He'd kicked Dudley Dursley's ass, something not many even tried to do.

"You're and idiot."

He turned to look at Erin. She was glaring at him even as she wiped blood from his face. "I'm sorry, but that's been waiting a long time."

Erin just rolled her eyes and took his hand again, leading him from the alley.

"Where are we going?"

"My house."

Harry gave her a wary look. "Your parents don't like me, you know that."

Erin turned and walked backwards in front of him with a sly smile. "Well Mr. Potter, you may be correct about that. But my parents are not currently home. We'll have the entire house to ourselves."

It was Harry's turn to grin. "I like the sound of that."

…..

A little over an hour later Harry was running back to Number 4. He hadn't wanted to leave so soon but Dung's shift would soon be over. She understood, though she didn't like him leaving anymore than he did, he knew. But it had to be done. He didn't want the entire order to know that he was sneaking out to see a girl.

Harry was just about to begin climbing up to his window when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Whipping out his want he turned to see…

Tonks. Her hair was bright red and Harry could tell the she was pissed. Behind her was Hestia Jones who looked disappointed.

"Uhhhh, hi Tonks," Harry said nervously. Her red hair could put a Weasley to shame.

"What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?" she hissed. Harry glared at her, his nervousness gone. He hated being talked to as though he were a child. "Well? Sneaking out of the house was incredibly stupid! And from what I saw this isn't the first time you've done it!"

"What are you even doing here? This is Dung's shift!"

"How do you even know that?" Hestia asked, much calmer than Tonks, who Harry realized had seen _everything._

"It's not hard. All the stupid drunk does is sleep and snore."

"She could have been a death eater!" Tonks growled.

Harry snorted. "I think that I would know if she were a death eater, don't you think Tonks?"

"Why, because you've been screwing her? I may have to watch your sorry ass, but I really don't need to see it!"

"Then maybe you shouldn't have followed me!"

"That's my job! Believe me, guarding you wasn't my choice!"

Harry rolled his eyes and turned away from them. He began his climb once again. "I'm going to sleep! Next time give me a warning if you're going to follow me."

"And what makes you think there'll be a next time?" Hestia asked.

"Go fucking tell Dumbledore if you want!" Harry shouted as he climbed through his window. He turned with his head out to stare down at the two witches. "I will keep going to see Erin because I am _not _staying in this shithole all summer!"

Harry turned suddenly as his door slammed open. _Shit_. His relatives must have heard him shouting because there stood a purple faced Vernon Dursley. His fists were clenched and he was shaking in anger.

"_WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SON?"_

….

**There, chapter 1. See, Harry is sort of badass now, but not completely. He changed quickly when he met erin because of what happened to sirus. Ok, don't know when chapter 2 will be up though cause I don't write often. Review if you want, flame if you want, I don't read them.**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Thanks to those two people who reviewed. I know I said that I don't read them but I did for some reason and also thanks to those who added this story to their favorites and stuff. I'll admit that I was pleasantly surprised.

Chapter two:

Harry whipped around in surprise at his uncle's words. He'd expected when he heard the large man's footsteps that he'd be yelled at for shouting out his window and attracting the neighbor's attention. Somehow he'd almost forgotten that Dudley would no doubt tell his parents about their fight in a way that would get only him into trouble.

"Well?" Vernon demanded. His face was a nice purple color and Harry marveled at how his uncle could change his skin color like that. "Are you going to say anything?"

"I'd have thought it'd be obvious," Harry said, his own anger slowly growing.

"You ungrateful Freak! We raise you and this is how you repay us? We could have gotten rid of you but we took you in. We gave you a place to live and food to eat! You should be grateful!"

"You should be grateful I don't curse you right now!" Harry snarled, his anger finally coming out. This would feel so good. "I don't have to repay you for anything! I'm the one who cooks for you, yet I am barely fed myself! I'm the one who was forced to live in a cupboard for ten fucking years! What do I have to be grateful for? Your son didn't even get half of what he deserved!"

Vernon glared at the wand that Harry had whipped out in his anger. "You wouldn't do magic outside of that freak school of yours."

Harry paid no attention to his called bluff. "You just try me Vernon. Really. I dare you!"

That was the wrong thing to say. Harry wouldn't dare use magic and Vernon Dursley knew it. The large man lunged at Harry with outstretched arms. Harry didn't even think as he turned and jumped out the window, loving the feel of being in the air even without his broom.

"Oh what the hell!" Tonks shouted as she and Hestia watched Harry falling through the air. They'd been listening to the fight, ready to intervene if needed. Both witches didn't like what they'd heard in the fight.

Harry hit the ground wrong on his feet. The sound of his leg snapping was heard and Harry snarled in pain.

"BOY! IF THE NEIGHBORS SEE YOU..."

Harry glared up at his uncle's purple face. "I highly doubt they'll even look if you QUIT SCREAMING!"

Vernon suddenly disappeared from the window and Tonks and Hestia ran over to harry, frantically trying to see if he was all right. If he wasn't the Dumbledore would kill them.

"I'm fine!" he hissed through his pain. "Just heal me please and let's get out of here until he cools down."

Tonks knew several healing charms the could mend bones. They came in handy being an auror, not to mention the fact that she was immensely clumsy. She performed the charms and they helped Harry to stand. Soon Harry was leading them away from #4 Privet Drive.

"Thank you," he murmured a little while later once his house was behind them. He sounded exhausted much different than just ten minutes before when he was screaming at her.

Tonks glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He looked much different than when she had seen him at the train station. He still looked depressed, but there was a new determination in his eyes. he looked like a man who had just seen too much. "How are you doing Harry?"

Harry turned his head to look at her, his jaw set. He obviously didn't want to talk about Sirius. "You two don't exactly blend in here with the muggles, you know. You should cast dillusionment charms or something."

"Embarrassed to be seen with us?" Tonks teased. She would let the whole Sirius thing go. For now.

Harry merely looked ahead. "A bit yeah."

Tonks and Hestia exchanged amused glances and cast the charms after making sure that no muggles were around.

Harry walked around for another ten minutes. He could sense Tonks and Hestia on either side of him and he knew that they didn't plan on leaving him, not when they weren't even supposed to let him leave the house.

"HARRY!" a familiar and comforting voice called. Harry turned around with a large smile at Erin who was a few yards away with some of her friends. That didn't stop her from running up and giving him a kiss. "What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be at home."

Harry wrapped his arms around Erin and rested his chin tiredly on the top of her head. "Dudley told my uncle that me and him go into that fight and that I started it all. Then me and my uncle got into a fight so I left for him to cool down a bit."

"Did he hit you?"

Harry shook his head. "He tried though. I jumped out the window."

At this Erin couldn't help but smile. That sounded like something Harry would do. Stairs just didn't seem to suit him. "At least you're alright. You're lucky you didn't break a leg."

Harry chuckled. "Yes, very lucky."

Erin pulled away slightly and took his hands leading him over to her group of friends. "Come on. I want you to meet my friends."

Harry glanced warily at the other teens waiting for Erin to return. "Is that a good idea? They think I'm a criminal."

Erin only grinned. "Well they can deal with it." they came up to the group. Harry stared at them all while they stared back not quite sure what to say. Erin rolled her eyes and said, "Guys, this is Harry. Harry Potter. Harry, this is Alyssa, Chris, Jo, and Sean."

Harry nodded to each person as Erin introduced them. "Hey."

Jo gave a quiet, "Hello" while everyone else was quiet, not sure what to make of their friend being with a guy whom they knew as the kid they'd always picked on in school and also a criminal.

Once again Erin rolled her eyes. "Harry, that kid you saved from your cousin today was Alyssa's younger brother, David."

Alyssa nodded slowly. "Your cousin is a fucking brute! He only picks on kids younger than him."

Harry shrugged. "It might be a bit hard to actually find someone our age who is his size and it makes him feel good about himself when he beats someone up." Harry frowned. "He's not very logical by any means. Or smart."

They all laughed. It was funny because it was true.

"Well thank you for what you did for my brother," Alyssa said gratefully.

Harry waved it off. "It was the right thing to do. I know what it's like to be Dudley's punching bag. It was time that somebody did something to stand up to him. Also I just needed an excuse to fight him. He's been asking for it for years."

"I don't know how you live with him," Chris remarked. They were all getting over thinking about I'm as a delinquent.

Suddenly Harry growled thinking about his home life. "At home he's worse. He's a whiney little bitch, does no work and his parents don't even try to make him. It's disgusting."

Everyone but Erin was surprised by the venom in Harry's voice.

"We actually just saw him," Jo said suddenly and cautiously. Erin sent her a glare and she just glared right back. Harry was impressed: he usually backed down from Erin's glare. "He was looking for you."

Harry turned to Erin. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to go after him like I know you will in about ten seconds."

Harry smiled before leaning down to kiss her. "You're right. Which way did he go?"

"Looked like he was heading towards the park," Sean informed him. "Are you gonna fight him or something?"

Harry shrugged and began walking. "If that's what it comes to. Somebody has to put him in his place. My cousin may be big, but he's also slow as shit. If you just don't get hit, you win. He throws with too much force and tires quickly. You just have to be fast."

"Well he's also got his gang behind him," Chris muttered in disgust.

Harry shrugged again. "They're all just as bad. Most of them are just with him so they don't get beat up. If one takes out my cousin, most of them will just leave right then and there." Harry looked at their surprised faces. "After years of being my cousin's punching bag, I found it a good idea to analyze things a bit."

The rest of the walk was done in silence. When they got to the park they saw Dudley kicking up dirt and screaming at his friends, over what Harry didn't know.

"I don't think that's any way to treat your friends, Dudders!" Harry called as he walked up to his cousin. Dudley turned around with a snarl.

"There you are, Freak! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"So I heard. Why is that, Dudders?" Harry asked, now running on anger. "You up for another round? Not too tired out from the first time or when you ran all the way home to your mommy and daddy? Got me into a shit load of trouble with that."

"That was the point, Potter."

"So why did you want me?" Harry asked again. "Since I know it's not because you want to get your ass kicked."

Dudley snarled at him. "My father's got a surprise for you back home. I Don't think you'll like it very much."

"And why's that?"

"Not allowed to tell you."

Harry scowled. "Well I wasn't allowed to leave the house but I did anyway. Now, what the fuck is my surprise?"

"Go home and find out."

"That shit hole is _not _my home. Got that, Dudley?" he turned and stalked off. He had to go and see exactly what Dudley was talking about. There was the distinct feeling that his summer was about to turn to complete shit.

Erin grabbed Harry's arm as he passed her. She tugged him to face her and saw that his face was hard, jaw set. He'd woken up with the same expression several times at her house, after what she knew had to be some sort of nightmare. "I'm coming with you."

Harry nodded curtly. He'd expected as much. That was the way Erin was. Stubborn. He wrapped his arm around her waist and began walking. He was vaguely aware of everyone else following, not quite sure what else to do. Suddenly Harry felt a presence next to him.

"Hestia and I are going to get Dumbledore. Something's not right."

Tonks's whisper was barely audible. Harry barely nodded in case somebody noticed and soon there were two very soft pops. Thankfully it wasn't Mundungus there because the loud CRACK that he always left might have caused a little suspicion.

Soon Number 4 came into view. Harry saw his 'surprise' and his grip on Erin tightened as she gasped. The yard was a wreck, all of his belongings scattered across the once impeccable grass. Clothes thrown haphazardly around, pictures fluttering in the slight breeze, his trunk tipped over on its side. Hedwig's cage was lying on the ground, bent and broken, though the snowy owl was nowhere to be seen. And in the doorway stood Vernon Dursley, satisfaction written all over his face.

A/N: Oh. Shit.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 3:

Harry stood there gaping for a few moments. His uncle couldn't just kick him out! Hadn't he learned from the dementor attack from the summer before that the headmaster wouldn't allow it? Then again, where was the headmaster now?

"What the hell are you doing?" he shouted.

"I've had enough of you freakishness befouling my house!"

Harry's jaw dropped. It wasn't like his uncle to make a scene like this. So many people were watching them: Erin and her friends, Dudley and his gang, most of the neighbors.

"You can't do this! You know why I have to stay here!"

"I don't give a damn what happens to you as long your away from this house and my family!"

Harry took a step back and picked up Hedwig's cage. He hadn't let her out this morning but she was currently nowhere to be seen. "Dumbledore won't let you do this," he muttered. "But until he gets here, where the fuck is my owl?"

"I didn't touch that bloody bird."

"She was in her cage before I left! I forgot to let her out so either she magically unlocked her cage or you did something to her!"

Vernon was purple again. "I WILL NOT HAVE THAT WORD USED IN MY HOUSE!"

"What word? Cage? Magic?"

Vernon roared and Harry clenched his fists so that he didn't pull out his wand.

"Mr. Dursley, if we may have a word."

Harry whipped around at the voice of Albus Dumbledore. The old wizard was standing in front of an old Ford Anglia with Ron, Hermione and Tonks on either side of him.

"Professor Dumbledore!" Harry exclaimed. "Finally you're here! Can you do anything about this?"

"Hello Harry. How has your summer been?" Dumbledore asked pleasantly, despite the situation. Vernon had paled considerable, possibly at Dumbledore himself, or at the midnight blue robes he wore with silver stars. Everyone else had their jaws on the ground. Inside, Petunia had probably passed out.

Harry glanced at Erin who was gaping at him with obvious confusion. "It's been better than most."

Vernon was no walking forward. "Won't you come inside, Headmaster Dumbledore? I'll have Petunia put on some tea."

"Ah, that sounds delightful! Harry you stay out here and collect your things."

Harry nodded and set Hedwig's cage back on the ground. He looked at Ron and Hermione. "Why are you two here?"

Hermione didn't say a word, but she stormed up to Harry and began smacking him over the head. "You. Are. So. Stupid!"

Harry covered his head with his hands while Ron and Tonks roared with laughter. "Nice to see you all too!" he growled as Hermione stepped back and let her hands fall to her sides.

"Why would you sneak out? All summer?" Hermione asked angrily.

"Did you really expect me to sit in that hell hole all day?" Harry countered. He tipped his trunk so that it stood right. He began to throw all of the clothes that had spilled out back in. Erin handed him a few pictures she'd gathered. He was about to go and get his school books when she grabbed his arm and turned him to face her.

"Do you think that your uncle will let you stay?" she asked quietly.

Harry ran a hand through his hair. He didn't have a clue what would happen. "I don't know. Usually Dumbledore is convincing."

Erin wrinkled her nose. "He's weird. Like really old. And his beard! How does he even do that? And what the hell was he wearing?"

"Yeah, he's a character." Harry laughed. He then leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips. "I'm going to miss you."

"Maybe you won't have to leave." Erin said hopefully.

"I DON'T WANT THAT BOY HERE!"

Harry smiled ruefully. "I don't think there's much chance of that happening." he wrapped an arm around her waist and led her over to Ron and Hermione. "Erin, this is Ron and this is Hermione."

"Hi. I'm Erin."

"Nice to meet you," Hermione said politely.

"Harry's told me lots about the both of you," Erin said.

"Really?" Ron asked in surprise while Hermione gave Harry a questioning look. Harry shook his head, knowing that she was asking if he'd told her he was a wizard.

"THAT BOY IS NO LONGER WELCOME IN MY HOUSE!"

Harry flinched, suddenly feeling a coldness dripping over him. The wards had dropped. "That's that then," he said, kicking his trunk closed.

"Finally!" Dudley shouted from where he and his gang stood. They all laughed obnoxiously and Harry stalked over to them despite Erin and Hermione's protests.

"Yes it must be so fucking hard for you to deal with seeing my face for not even three months. I hope you realize who'll be doing all of those shitty chores now, you fat shit!" He dodged his cousin's fist and elbowed him in the back so that Dudley fell to the ground.

When Harry turned back around Dumbledore was striding out of the house with a troubled look on his face. Harry left his cousin lying on the ground and went back to his trunk. Without a word to anybody he loaded it into the trunk of the car.

"What about Hedwig?" Ron asked. Harry looked around for his owl but he didn't see her, only the broken cage which he picked up.

"She'll find me. But I'll have to get a new cage after this."

"What are you-"

Harry cut off Hermione's words by throwing the cage as hard as he could at the house. It was a bonus that it went through the window just to the right of where his uncle was standing.

"BOY YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!"

Harry wasn't even listening. He was already kissing Erin again and it didn't look like they were going to stop any time soon.

Dumbledore cleared his throat and the two pulled apart. "Harry we must be going."

Harry let his arms around Erin drop reluctantly. "Of course sir. Bye Erin. I had a great summer. Best one yet actually."

"Yeah? Me too. Sucks ass that you have to leave though."

"Blame my uncle. I've gotta go before he calls the cops."

Harry backed away from Erin and slid into the car next to Hermione. He wished they could have had a more personel good-bye, but with everyone else there and the rush he was in, that was impossible. He sighed sadly. This sucked. He looked around the car. Tonks was driving, which was surprising, and Dumbledore was in the passenger seat.

"Will Voldemort know the wards have dropped?" he asked after they'd begun driving. Number four was now behind them.

"How did you know about the wards?" Dumbledore asked interestedly.

"I felt them drop. I felt like, really cold for a second."

"Interesting," The old wizard said thoughtfully. "For your question, we'll have to wait and see. I'll have a few order members guard them."

"I'll do it," Tonks offered. She didn't really sound like she wanted to do it. Harry guessed she just wanted to be able to do something for the order.

"Actually I have a different mission for you."

"Really? What is it?"

"You'll find out at the next order meeting."

Harry grinned at Tonks's excited look. She was such a kid at times. He turned to Hermione. "You're staying at the Burrow too?"

"Actually we're staying at Grimmauld Place again." she said slowly and waited for his reaction. Ron also looked around Hermione and Tons glanced in the rearview mirror.

Harry just sighed and looked out the window. At some point they'd taken to the air and all he could see were clouds and sky. "Number Twelve, huh? I wish I were back at Privet Drive."

A/N: well this is another chapter I've had to write at least twice. But I'm on vacation still for another I don't know how many days it is because no one told me when we were leaving. Damn family.

7/14/11


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Chapter 4:

It was plainly obvious that Harry was miserable at Number Twelve. Not only was he at his dead godfather's house, but he was stuck inside without any fresh air, his room now smelled like stale cigarettes, and everything reminded him of Sirius.

Even on his birthday Harry had been miserable because the next day was Sirius's will reading. The highlight of that day had been McGonagall giving him the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain badge. Ron had been jealous of course, but just for a few minutes when he realized how stupid he was being.

The day of the will reading Harry had nearly passed out when Sirius gave him Number Twelve Grimmauld Place along with several other properties and the black vaults. Tonks had to keep him from falling out of his chair after that was said. The only thing was, however, he had to wait until he was seventeen. Once again, Ron had been jealous until he once again realized how stupid he was being.

"Do you think I should write a will?"

Everyone in the living room looked up at Harry. It was one of those odd nights where he came down from his room. The will reading had just been a few days before.

"Why would you need to write a will?" Remus asked.

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Moony, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one of the Marauders. Well now I know to give you my school books. Couldn't hurt to review a little."

"Go back to your room."

Harry grinned and sat up so that he wasn't taking up the entire couch. Tonks had just walked in looking beat after a long day at the office and looked like she wanted to sit. "I'm serious though. I've got a pesky Dark Lord after my head on a silver plate-"

"Lovely way to put it," Ginny commented lightly.

"And I've got nothing to do but sit in this stuffy house all day. Can't even get some fresh air. Then again I don't have much sh- crap to get rid of. I've got my Firebolt, some money, and that's pretty much it. So Ron if I die-"

"Which you won't," Hermione muttered.

"You can have my Firebolt," Harry continued. "Remus gets my school books because he's a dumb ass. And I guess everyone else gets money. Hermione can have Hedwig too."

"Hm, good plan," Tonks said. "Too bad you have to die before I get your money." she gave him a mischievous look. Harry slid farther away from her.

"Did you find out what mission was so important that you had to quit your job?" He asked to take her mind off of his money.

Tonks grimaced. "No. This had better be a damn good mission and that when it over old Dumbles can get me my job back!"

•••

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were sitting in the living room the next night. They had given up trying to listen in on the order meetings since the twins were now in the order.

"Should be over soon, right?" Ron asked. They'd been sitting there for over an hour, waiting for the twins to tell them what was going on.

Tonks stormed in at that moment looking angry. She flopped down on the couch next to Ginny. Apparently she wasn't too happy about her mission.

"Stupid mission!" she hissed. "Dumbledore doesn't know what the hell he's doing!"

"What did he say?" Hermione asked.

Tonks snorted. "Well I'll be seeing a lot of you four this year."

"Why, are you going to be stationed at the school?" Ron asked.

"Close, but that's not it. I'll be a fucking student. In Gryffindor house."

Harry got it suddenly. "Your mission is to keep an eye on me so I don't do anything stupid. The old man doesn't trust me!"

"That's what Fleur said and Dumbledore told us that it wasn't you, but You-know-who."

Hermione looked at Harry. She knew that something had happened in the department of mysteries that he hadn't told them. After he had disappeared chasing Bellatrix they hadn't seen him again until they were at school. Harry had only told them that Bellatrix had escaped before Dumbledore's duel with Voldemort. But there were a few empty spots in his story.

Harry didn't meet Hermione's gaze, but kept his eyes on Tonks. "You could have told him that you wouldn't do it.

"I did! After we argued he had most of the order on his side, even Mad-eye!" Tonks explained angrily. Harry nodded slowly. The twenty-two year old had practically the entire order against her in this mission, save maybe a few members.

"So the old man thinks I need a fucking babysitter. Great."

"I'm sure that's not it," Ginny said gently.

"He also wants me to teach you occlumency." Tonks added suddenly.

"You know it?" Hermione asked.

"Of course. Moody trained me when I was becoming an auror. Might not be able to keep Voldemort out of my mind, but I'm probably a better teacher than Snape."

"All he did was brutally attack my mind," Harry growled and Tonks gave him a sympathetic look.

"That's actually the best way to do it and how I was planning. It strengthens your shields much faster than any other way. And Dumbledore wants it done as soon as possible."

Harry groaned and fell back so that he was lying down. "Fuck."

"HARRY!"

"Sorry Hermione. It just slipped."

"Just don't let it happen again." Hermione shook her head. Harry had changed so much over the summer, in good ways and bad. He thought more about what he was doing, and what had to be done in the war. But then there was the smoking and she'd even caught him sneaking firewhiskey from some place she had no clue about. Probably Mundungus if she really thought about it. Sirius's death had affected him more than they'd originally thought.

•••

The next day Harry came down for breakfast feeling irritated. All he'd been able to think about was his new babysitter. No matter what Dumbledore told the order, Harry knew that the old man didn't trust him. And why should he after what happened in the DoM? He'd used the cruciatus curse on Bellatrix then been possessed by Voldemort. What if that happened in the middle of class?

Harry sat down in his chair and stared at the table. He wasn't feeling very hungry.

Ron slid an envelope in front of him. It had the Hogwarts seal on it. Immediately Harry knew what it was. "Owl results. We were waiting for you to come down."

Harry looked at Hermione who nodded. He picked up his own envelope and stared. It seemed menacing, though the only dangerous thing about it was a paper cut.

"You know, you actually have to open it."

Harry glared at the grinning Tonks as everyone opened their own letter. Ginny had made prefect and Mrs. Weasley was now fussing over her. He ripped open the envelope.

His scores were pretty good. Well he'd failed Divination and History of Magic, but that was no surprise. Outstandings in Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts. Exceeds Expectations in Charms and…

Potions.

Snape only took students with outstanding on their OWL's into the NEWT level classes. And without Potions he couldn't become an auror even if he lived that long.

Harry slammed the paper down on the table and left the kitchen. Hermione picked up his results and read over them. "Oh…"

"What is it?" Remus asked.

"He didn't get the required grade for potions," Hermione explained.

"Well what did he want to be?" Tonks asked. She couldn't picture Harry caring that much about a career. He always seemed indifferent to his future as though he expected to die any moment.

"An auror," Ron told her. "All he's ever done really is play Quidditch and fight dark wizards and since he doesn't like being famous…"

"Quidditch probably isn't the way to go," Tonks finished. She looked at the door where Harry had disappeared. "Too bad. Heard he was a good seeker."

A/N: and there's chapter three. I just got back from vacation and still on the iPod so this will be posted a week from now probably. And I had no clue what his real scores were because I cant find the sixth book. Fuck.

7/19/11


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

Chapter 5:

It was nearly two am. Harry was sitting in the kitchen with his head in his folded arms. It sounded like he was almost singing to himself.

It had been an extremely long day, starting out in Diagon Alley to get the school supplies. Tonks had gone and they'd all had fun trying to think of a name for her. They hadn't come up with anything though.

Malfoy had been there, much to Harry's distaste, lurking in Knockturn Alley. The young teen had gone into Borgin and Burkes. He'd shown the shady shopkeeper something on his arm. No matter what Ron and Hermione said, Harry knew that Malfoy had seen Voldemort.

"Who gives a flying fuck what age he is?" had been Harry's only words to them. Very intelligent.

Sometime after they'd gotten back to number twelve, Dumbledore had come. Harry had glared at the headmaster until he'd announced that he needed Harry for a mission.

And that night Harry had met Professor Horace Slughorn, the Potions Master and the man who had taught Severus Snape and Harry's own parents. Harry wasn't quite sure what he thought of Slughorn. The man's looks reminded him a bit of Vernon. He seemed to like making contacts with famous witches and wizards and using those contacts to his advantage. He'd boasted about it several times.

But Dumbledore had said that the Potions Master would play a large part in the coming year. When asked how, the headmaster only said that he would find out in their future lessons.

Lessons with Albus Dumbledore. So many things he could learn, things he could use against Voldemort. With these lessons, he might actually stand a chance. Something he'd hardly even thought about, having a chance.

They'd returned to Grimmauld Place after midnight. Harry had gone straight to bed while Dumbledore went back to Hogwarts.

Then came the nightmares. They happened more frequently now, preventing a full night's rest at least four times a week. And Harry had trouble waking up from these dreams. They would go on, filled with death of people close to him. It became noticeable too, his lack of sleep. His friends had noticed, Remus had noticed, Mrs. Weasley had noticed. At least they'd all noticed and had commented on it.

And now here he was, singing to himself a song that Erin once sang to him after he'd fallen asleep with her and woken up from a nightmare.

"Old man look at my life, I'm a lot like you were," he sang to himself in a whisper. "Old man look at my life, I'm a lot like you were." he tapped his foot, feeling a little silly but also a little better. "old man look at my life. Twenty-four and theres so much more. Livin' lone in a paradise that makes me think of two. Love lost, such a cost. Give me things that don't get lost, like a coin that won't get tossed, rollin' home to you…"

"Old man, look at my life, I'm a lot like you. I need someone to love me the whole day through."

Harry's head shot up at the voice of Tonks. Shit, he was usually more aware than that. And she had caught him singing of all things! FUUUUUUUUUUCK!

"Never took you for a Neil Young fan, Tonks," he said coolly as she came to sit at the table in the seat across from him. The best way to save yourself from embarrassment, pretend it never happened.

"My father was a muggleborn. Introduced me to his music when I was young. I never took your relative for fans of Neil Young either. Or fans of any music in general, really."

"Erin was," Harry explained. "Old man was actually one of her favorite songs. It grew on me I guess. Calms me down."

Tonks nodded slowly. "What are you doing awake anyway, Potter? It's after two in the morning."

Harry shrugged. "Why the use of my last name?"

"Young ignored my question and you use my last name all of the time."

"You told me to!"

"True. Now answer my question."

Harry rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat. He looked at his hands as he said, "Nightmare. I actually came down for some fire whiskey but someone moved it."

"You can thank Hermione for that. She told Remus and he moved the stash."

"I knew it had to be her! Where is it?"

Tonks looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "You really think I'd tell you? You're still just a youngster!"

Harry grimaced. "Youngster? You really had to say that? Why are you awake anyway?"

Tonks stopped grinning and Harry looked at her with his full attention. She was almost always smiling. For her to lose it that quickly…

"I told you why I was here," he said quietly. "So why are you?"

"Harry, you're not the only one who gets nightmares."

Harry frowned in concern. He knew how much effect the nightmares could cause. He was the perfect example of that. "Are you getting enough sleep?"

"Are you?" she countered.

Harry shook his head. "Everyone knows that I'm not. I, unlike you, do not have the power to hide it. Four times a week I get these nightmares and I wish I could stop them, but I can't. "

Tonks peered closely at him. She, like everyone else, had noticed how tired he always looked. But right now in the darkened kitchen, he looked worse than ever. He had dark bruises under his eyes and his hair seemed messier than ever as though he'd been running his hands through it constantly, his nervous habit. He really needed to shave too. Tonks looked at his hands. They were clenched and shaking slightly.

"You should talk to someone, Harry. Like your friends who have barely seen you in weeks since the OWL results."

"I like having my privacy."

"There's a difference between being private and cutting everyone out of your life. Just do me this one favor, and talk to them. I know you're keeping secrets from them, big ones. You need to tell them and then maybe the nightmares will go away."

Harry's fists clenched tighter. How did she know about his secrets? And who the he'll was she to order him around like that? No, she hadn't ordered him, but asked him for a favor. He at least owed her that after practically killing off her cousin. And it was time that his friends knew the prophecy. It had been months since he had found out about it.

"I'll talk to them tomorrow. It's time they know what I've been hiding."

Tonks was a little surprised. She had always been told about Harry's stubborn nature and hadn't expected him to agree so quickly. Though it hadn't been exactly quick: it looked like he'd been having an argument with himself in his head. "Good."

"But you have to talk to somebody about your nightmares."

"Fine."

They shook hands over the table and grinned at each other. Harry blew out the candle that was sitting in the middle of the table and stood up.

"Night Tonks. Get some sleep."

"Night Harry. And don't go searching for the fire whiskey."

"No promises."

•••

"I need to talk to you two."

Ron and Hermione had been playing wizards chess when Harry walked in. They had become used to him staying in his room and were a little surprised at his words. He'd barely spoken to them at all when he actually wasn't holed up in his room.

"About what?" Hermione asked.

Harry's eyes flickered around the room. Ginny, Tonks, and Hestia were all there. Ginny was reading a book, then writing down a few words on a piece of parchment. Probably trying to finish her summer homework. Tonks and Hestia were whispering to each other in a corner.

"Just come on. My room."

His two friends looked at each other and stood up, the game forgotten. Harry obviously had something important to say. He kept looking around the room like he was nervous about something. He turned and left without another word and Ron and Hermione followed.

"Your room smells like cigarettes."

Harry looked at Hermione and shrugged. He wouldn't deny it. He sat down on the edge of his bed. Hermione sat next to him and Ron took his chair.

"What's all this about?" the redhead asked.

Harry ran both of his hands through his hair. "You remember that prophecy from the department of mysteries?"

"Of course," Hermione said. "But it broke."

"Yeah, but it turns out that it was Dumbledore who the prophecy was made to. By Trewalney. And some Death Eater overheard part of it and told Voldemort. Ron, I swear to god, if you flinch at the name one more time…"

Hermione chewed her lip. There was something that Harry wasn't telling them. "If you know all of that, then you must know the contents of the prophecy."

Harry nodded slowly. He'd been waiting for her to figure that out. It wasn't hard when you were smarter than… whatever is really smart. "Dumbledore told me after I had gotten back to Hogwarts."

"And…" Ron said leaning forward.

Harry sighed. They were going to hate him after this. He took in a deep breath and recited the prophecy. He'd gone over the words so many times in his head that he knew them by heart. And he saw no way out of it.

Harry had never exactly believed in Divination or prophecies. Like Hermione, he thought it was mostly a load of shit. But Voldemort did believe in it, and that was what would make the words come true. If Snape hadn't interfered then none of this would be happening.

"You know what it means, don't you?" he asked his friends quietly. Hermione looked like she believed in all of that future seeing shit now. "Neither can live while the other survives. Either I kill Voldemort, or he kills me. That's what it all comes down to. And really, what chance does a sixteen year old like me have?"

A/N: and there's chapter five. I worked kinda hard on this one. That song was Old Man by Neil Young and I don't own it. I only chose that song because I was listening to it at the time, no specific reason. And it will probably show up again in the story because of the significance it has in Harry's life. You should all go and listen to it, really. Not saying you have to like it though.

7/20/11


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I dont own Harry Potter

So in the last chapter Harry wasn't talking to anybody. His nightmares were also getting worse and he had a nice talk with Tonks. She told him that he had to talk to somebody. Harry told Ron and Hermione about the prophecy and he's afraid that they will hate him for it, though we all know that won't happen

Chapter 6:

Hermione went over the prophecy and what Harry had just said in her head. Born as the seventh month dies it had said. Harry wasn't the only one with a birthday at the end of July. "But… how did Voldemort know it was you? Neville was born around the same time."

"Come on, Hermione. Think!" Harry growled, growing annoyed for really no reason at all. Maybe Voldemort himself was getting annoyed. Who knew? Not Harry, who could hardly separate his own emotions from Voldemort's at times. "'The dark lord will mark him as his equal'. The night my parents died that's exactly what he did. By trying to kill me he marked me."

"But what I'm asking is why you!"

"Because he saw something in me that he saw in himself! He chose the one he thought was more of a danger to himself. He didn't choose the pureblood, he chose a half-blood. He'd seen himself in me before he'd even seen me. He tried to kill me, but instead marked me as the prophecy said he would. But Voldemort only knew part of the prophecy. That was his mistake."

"But… what about that power it was talking about?" Ron asked. He was still trying to take it all in and wasn't having a very easy time. Neither was Hermione though. They'd just found out that their best friend had to face one of the darkest and most powerful wizards in any book.

"The power the dark lord knows not. Dumbledore said that it was love."

There was a surprised silence. What the hell did _that_ mean? How would love stop Voldemort? Like Harry was going to go up to Voldemort and declare his love for him and the dark lord would reduce to dust. There were several problems with that scenario, very obvious ones too. The biggest problem being that Harry hated Voldemort with all of his being and also that if a killing curse hadn't killed him, why would _love_? Dumbledore was off his rocker. That's all there was to it. Not really.

"Love?" was Ron's intelligent question. Harry shrugged, just as confused.

"I don't fucking know. None of it makes sense to me. Maybe I'll find out this year in my upcoming lessons with Dumbledore."

"WHAT?" Hermione shrieked. "Lessons with Dumbledore?"

"Yeah. He told me during our missions last night. We went to meet Horace Slughorn, the new and old Potions professor. He taught my parents."

"Wait, potions? What about Snape?" Ron asked. Harry's face darkened.

"He got the position he's been asking for for years."

"No!" Hermione gasped and Harry nodded.

"Pretty shitty, huh?"

His two friends nodded and then they were all silent, just sitting there and thinking. Each one was thinking of the prophecy, as the news of Snape didn't seem all too important. Hermione had a thoughtful frown on her face. Why did things like this have to happen? It just wasn't fair! She looked at Harry who looked years older than sixteen. But looking older didn't mean you were. What he had said before was painfully true. He really didn't stand much chance. And for Hermione to admit that, it hurt. And it hurt _bad_. With a loud sob she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him fiercely. Ron looked like he might even do the same but he just sat next to Harry on the bed and stared at his hands.

"Any reason you didn't tell us this before now, mate?"

Harry almost choked on his next words. He'd expected them both to yell at him, maybe stop hanging around him to save themselves. But this was worse. Hermione was sobbing and hugging him so tight that it hurt, but in an almost comforting way. Ron looked like he might even shed a few tears, but was too manly to do more than that.

"I wanted to protect the both of you."

These words made Hermione sob harder. "Harry we would be in danger either way! You don't have to deal with this on your own. You have us!"

"I know that now. I've done lots of thinking this summer and I know that." he didn't tell them that if he could he would send them both away from the war that was soon to become worse now that the world knew Voldemort was back.

When Harry came down to the living room fifteen minutes later, Tonks and Ginny were still there but Hestia was gone. Hermione tried to make herself look presentable but failed and Ginny soon dragged her out of the room to make the older girl tell her what was wrong. Harry knew that Hermione wouldn't say anything and he flopped down onto the couch next to Tonks and buried his head in his hands.

"I take it that your talk didn't go so well."

Harry snorted. That was an understatement. Hermione was probably sobbing again and Ron was in the kitchen stuffing himself until he would explode. "They had to know."

"I'm not going to ask what they had to know because I'm not one to pry. But do you feel better now?"

Harry picked up his head and looked at the pink haired auror. "Not really. I feel like I just loaded another burden onto their shoulders."

"You don't have to worry about them so much, you know."

"You would too if you had just told them what I did."

"What did you tell them?"

Harry eyed her curiously. Not one to pry, huh? But he trusted her for some reason. Who could she really tell? Dumbledore already knew and that was really the only person worth telling. "The contents of the prophecy that Voldemort wanted."

"You know it?"

Harry nodded. "Dumbledore told me the day after Sirius died."

"Oh. I always wondered what it was about. I mean it's not exactly hard to figured out that it has to do with you- know-"

"Voldemort."

"Yeah, him and you. Or rather why he's always after you. It doesn't take a genius to get that."

"You're hoping I'll tell you the prophecy, aren't you?"

Tonks grinned. "Possibly."

Harry laughed and shook his head. "Well that's just too damn bad."

Tonks shrugged. "Worth a shot."

Harry laughed again and leaned back to get comfortable. He stared at the ceiling. His scar tingled in a sort of painful way, but he ignored it. It had become easy for him just to blobk out that feeling. He didn't give a damn how Voldemort was feeling or what he was thinking. "I wish I could get some fresh air," he said wistfully. Another thing he missed about Privet Drive.

"I can help with that."

Harry sat straight up at looked at Tonks. She grinned and nodded, saying that she wasn't lying. "Can you do it now?"

"Later. When everyone else is asleep. I've got to go to my parents house."

Harry beamed, so much happier than he'd been seconds before. And he hoped that Voldemort could feel it. _Take that Voldemort! I hope this is as fucking painful for you as it is for me every damn time you're happy! _ "Thank you!"

Tonks couldn't help but smile even wider. Harry was so rarely this happy these days. He looked like he was actually his age for once, though it didn't hide how tired he looked. "And while I'm out I'll also pick you up some college funds."

College fund was the code word for cigarettes. Harry wasn't sure how that had come to mind for Tonks when they were trying to come up with a codeword his first week an #12, but it did. And time he needed a new pack of cigarettes he would slip the codeword into a sentence and Tonks would go out and get them as soon as she could. Harry would pay her back later when nobody was around.

"Thank you!"

Tonks patted his head and said, "Any time. Just don't tell anybody."

"I think I'm smarter than that."

Tonks stood and headed towards the door. "Really? I wouldn't have guessed."

"I RESENT THAT!"

•••

Around midnight, or maybe it was closer to one, Harry didn't know or care enough to check, there was a soft knock on his bedroom door. He barely even heard it, which made him sure that it was Tonks. He grabbed the few sickles on his nightstand and went to the door.

"Password?"

"Really, Harry?"

"Sorry, wrong password."

He heard the exasperated sigh and chuckled under his breath. He didn't open the door however.

"College fund."

Harry grinned and opened the door. Tonks stood there with her arms crossed and she was rolling her eyes. Harry held out his handful of sickles and she took it, putting the carton of cigarettes in his hand.

"You ready?" she whispered and Harry nodded. He looked excited just at the thought of being able to get outside. Tonks turned and began to head up the stairs. Harry stayed where he was for a moment, confused. Weren't they going outside?

"Tonks?"

"Come on! You'll see when we get there!"

Harry tilted his head questioningly before following. She led him up to the third floor where she began to walk more cautiously. They were right outside of Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's room, the last place that Tonks wanted to be if she tripped. And to make it worse, Harry looked like he was waiting for it to happen.

"If I trip then we're both in trouble so you wipe that smirk off your face, Potter!"

Harry held his hands up in surrender. Tonks nodded with satisfaction and turned to look closely at the wall. Harry peered closely at the peeling wall paper, trying to find what she was looking at. He didn't see anything. Just wood in the places the paper was coming off. Which was nearly everywhere. This place seriously needed some renovating. Shit, when he turned seventeen that would be his job. Unless Voldemort killed him. Maybe there were some upsides. But then again, there were a lot more downsides so Harry brushed the thought from his mind. He could worry about that later, after he'd gotten some fresh air. Wherever that fresh air Tonks was taking him to was. She just seemed very interested in the wall.

"Tonks, what-"

"Shhh!"

Harry scowled. He didn't like being shushed. Tonks saw his face and rolled her eyes. She brought up her hand and pressed a not in the wood that was visible. Immediately an opening appeared, like a doorway as the wall slid down. Tonks ushered a gaping Harry inside and the wall slid back up, surrounding them with darkness.

"Tonks?"

"Hang on."

A few seconds later, candles that were along the wall began to light themselves, showing a passage. It seemed to go only a short way before it turned sharply.

"Woah."

Tonks laughed and tugged on his sleeve. "Come on, you haven't even seen the awesome part yet."

Harry followed her down the passage. There were many sharp turns as though they were walking in a square that got smaller. Looks like the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black had a lot more secrets than originally thought. Damn! It wasn't long though before they came to an old spiral staircase. It rattled when they stepped on it, but seemed sort of safe. Sort of. Up they went, staying completely silent. At the top there was an opening and after Tonks had gone through, Harry merely poked his head up.

It was a circular room, not that big. There walls were lined with bookshelves. The books were all old and worn and Harry had a feeling that he would soon be trying to read as many as possible. If they were in an ancient room in the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black, then there had to be something there worth reading. Something that might help him with Voldemort.

Harry pulled himself through the hole to get a better look. There was a desk on one side of the room and a small couch on the other. There was a double door across from the staircase with a large 'B' on it with an intricate pattern.

"Fuck!" Harry whispered in amazement. Tonks burst out laughing at his very intelligent reaction.

"You said you wanted fresh air?" Tonks said and Harry nodded, still gazing around the room. She threw the door open and revealed a small balcony. "The best part is that nobody can see you."

Harry walked out onto the balcony to join her and breathed in deeply. Fresh air, such a beautiful thing when one has been deprived of it for so long. So, so beautiful. "How did you figure that out?"

"I tried it one day when Remus was leaving. I rushed up here and tried calling his name. He could hear me, but couldn't see anything. Plus if you're outside you don't see anything like this."

"Oh, that makes sense." Harry dug around in his pocket and pulled out his cigarettes. He slapped each side on his palm to pack them before opening them. He put a cigarette in his mouth and Tonks tapped her want to the end of it to light it. "How did you find this place anyway?"

Tonks grinned and shook her head. "I was trying to find Sirius after he pulled a prank on me and I tripped. Somehow I managed to hit that knot and I fell right through. Took me hours to find it again though."

"What prank did he pull?"

Tonks grimaced. "I don't even want to tell you."

"Come on!" Harry pleaded with a pout. "How can you resist this face?"

Tonks raised her eyebrows. The fresh air must have really been getting to his brain for him to actually make a joke. She lightly tapped his cheek. "Easily."

"Jerk."

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Fine. Let's just say that the first time I was up here, all I had on was a towel."

Harry burst out laughing. Good old Sirius. That left a nice picture in his head. Tonks in a towel. Thank you, Sirius for that last gift. He took a long drag of his cigarette and blew out smoke rings into the still air. It was something Erin taught him to do. That was a fun day. She didn't even have a towel.

"Oh, I got you something else," Tonks said suddenly, wrenching harry from his good memories. "It's in my room so we'll get it later."

"What is it?"

"Can't tell you."

Harry scowled and crushed his cigarette on the railing. He flicked the butt off the edge and walked back into the room to explore it some more. "Have you read any of these books?"

"A few. A lot of it is some pretty dark shit and some are in different languages. I haven't really looked around too much, not looking forward to what's in that desk. Usually I just come here to get some peace, maybe take a nap if I don't feel like being interrupted."

Harry nodded slowly. How often did she actually not mind being interrupted when she was trying to nap? He didn't dwell on that question and gazed around again. This place was amazing! He would investigate the books another time when he was more awake and in the mood to read. He walked back out onto the balcony and stared up at the sky. Heat lightning stretched across the blackness. Harry always liked heat lightning. He didn't know why, it just seemed cool. Didn't have that small chance of being struck by it like with regular lightning.

"We should probably go to bed," he said. "Neither of us get enough sleep as it is."

"I guess." she didn't sound too excited about sleeping. Just like Harry, she didn't want to deal with the nightmares.

"Also you have to show me how to get out of here."

Harry waited outside of Tonks's room while she went to find his surprise. He was a gentleman like that. A few minutes later she came out with a CD player, head phones, and a CDwhich she handed to him. It was a Neil Young CD.

"The CD player works here, I already tried it. And the CD has the song Old Man on it."

Harry stared at the objects in his hands. "Thank you. I don't know how many times I've said that to you today, but I'll say it again. Thank you."

"You said that it helps. I got it from my father today. It won't work once you get to Hogwarts, but at least you can use it for the rest of the summer."

Harry nodded with a smile. This would help his nightmares. He didn't know what it was about this song that did it though. He gave Tonks a quick and surprising hug before heading to his own room.

A/N chapter six complete. Not really sure where I'm going, but there's that damn song again.

7/21/11


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 7:

Hermione and Tonks stared at Harry's sleeping form in annoyance. It was September first and they were all supposed to be packing, but Harry wouldn't wake up. Apparently he had finally gotten the good night of sleep he needed.

"I never thought this would be so hard!" Tonks complained. She slapped Harry over the head. He grunted, and Hedwig hooted as they hit her owner, but didn't wake up. "HEY POTTER! WAKE UP!" she shouted in his ear. Nothing.

"Do you think he's alright?" Hermione asked worriedly. She was chewing on her nails nervously and Tonks raised and eyebrow.

"Of course he is. Watch this." she drew her wand and pointed it at Harry's face. "Aguamenti."

Water shot out of Tonks's wand and hit Harry in the face. He sat straight up, coughing and spluttering. "TONKS!"

"You wouldn't wake up."

"I'm sure there were other means of doing it." Harry lay back down and covered his eyes with the blankets.

"Why do you do that?" Hermione asked.

"Do what?" Harry questioned, not moving to look at her.

"Cover your eyes. I've seen you like that several times this summer."

"I don't know. Just a habit I guess."

"Harry get up!" Tonks interrupted. They didn't have time for this. "You need to pack."

"I packed last night! Figured I could actually sleep, but I guess not."

Tonks and Hermione exchanged guilty looks. They hadn't known that. Harry ripped off his blanket, knowing that he wouldn't get back to sleep. Damn, why did women have to be so… Harry didn't know the word. Naggy? Is that even a word? Well if it wasn't it is now. _Yes_, Harry thought. _All women are naggy_.

"What are you doing now?" Hermione asked as Harry walked out the door without even bothering to put on a shirt. He was so sloppy these days. He would sit around in the same shorts for days and not change. _Men are slobs_.

"Pacing." Harry answered, his voice already distant. "Don't know what else to do since my sleep was so rudely interrupted! I do believe that it was the both of you who told me I need more sleep. And then, on this cold and dreary morning, you awaken my slumber to pack the things I have packed already!"

Both witches had begun rolling their eyes halfway through Harry's speech. They walked out of his room and followed him downstairs. He went into the kitchen where he could smell pancakes. He loved pancakes. Especially with chocolate chips.

"How were we to know you'd already packed?" Hermione asked. "You've never done it early before!"

Harry sat down and the table next to Remus and piled pancakes onto his plate and grabbed two handfuls of chocolate chips and dumped them on top. He watched them melt in anticipation. Apparently he had gotten his appetite back; there were about eight pancakes on his plate. He hadn't been this excited since he had gone back up to the secret room to see what the hell was in that desk that made it shake. Maybe a boggart? After that thought, he decided to stay away since he couldn't use magic. Stupid age restrictions. "Well maybe, as my dearest friend, you could have had some faith."

"Where's all of this humor suddenly coming from, cub?" Remus asked as he set down his newspaper. Harry grimaced at the front of it, his face everywhere. He was the "Chosen One" to the wizarding world. and none of them even knew how close they were to the truth. Fuck prophecies. They just make life shit. Remus then continued, "You have been moping around here mostly since you got here, granted you have been better these past few weeks."

_You can thank Tonks for that one_, Harry thought with a smirk. He'd been going up to the hidden room any chance he could get and he had even acquired some new books that were packed safely in his trunk. "Exactly, Moony. I have been moping. Don't you think it's time for me to have a bit of humor?" he stuffed an entire pancake into his mouth. God, he was turning into Ron!

Remus chuckled. "I just think it could have happened before now."

At that moment Ron ran into the room, waving his arms frantically. "Harry!"

"Yes?"

"Have you seen my box of chocolate frog cards?"

Harry raised an eyebrow. When his friend had first entered the kitchen he had expected some terrible news such as Quidditch had been banned or something like that. That's how Ron was acting. "You put it under your bed. You said that way you wouldn't forget to bring it because you always check under your bed first to see if you miss anything. I guess you missed something."

"Thanks!" Ron gasped before running off again.

After he was gone Harry shook his head. "Sometimes I wonder about him."

•••

Harry hated his two best friends being prefects. Ginny was now one too so he went off on his own to find a compartment. Tonks had managed to slip away at the train station before any of them could find out what form she would be taking. They never had thought of a name yet, either.

On his way to his compartment, Harry noticed many girls from all years staring at him and giggling. Fan girls. Harry had a feeling that it wasn't going to be a peaceful year. He shouldn't even have gotten his hopes up about that. But just because it wasn't peaceful didn't mean he couldn't have fun…

Harry found an empty compartment and slipped in with a sigh of relief as he got away from the eyes of his admirers. He put his, Ron's, and Hermione's trunks up on the rack along with Hedwig's empty cage. He had told her to go along to Hogwarts ahead. Once he managed to fit all of there belongings onto the rack he sighed with relief. Lazy asses. Making him put away their shit while they patrolled. They could have patrolled while carrying an extra thirty to sixty pounds! Hermione had too many books for her own good. Sure, it might have been a little harder…

The door slid open and a blonde poked her head in. She grinned at Harry and came fully in. She was already wearing her school robes and she had a Gryffindor badge. There was something familiar about her.

"Wotcher, Harry!"

Ah, there it was. And this girl sort of reminded him of the Tonks he knew in a way. Same heart-shaped face, lavender eyes. Just blonde. And sixteen. And really hot, not that the regualar Tonks wasn't hot, because she was. "Hey Tonks. Or, what's your name?"

"Ah, bit of a problem there. I've been trying so hard not to think about this and I haven't really thought about it since Diagon Alley. And I refuse to use any of those names."

Harry smirked at the memory. His favorite had been Titantia Argyle. Tonks didn't like it. She said that it was worse the Nymphadora.

"Well, you'll have to come up with something soon. People are going to be asking who the new sixth year Gryffindor is. What's her life story? Why is she here? She's hot. Can we trust her? Shit like that." Harry said. He wasn't going to deny it, she was already one of the best looking girls he knew. And he knew some good looking girls. Erin, Lavender, Cho…

"Well help me fucking figure something out. And if you say Tabitha Archie or whatever I'll punch you."

"It was Titantia Argyle!"

"Who the fuck cares what it was?"

The door slid open again and Harry saw that it was Neville Longbottom. He didn't even seem to notice Tonks. _Titantia_.

"Harry, have you seen Trevor?"

"Neville, you have got to keep track of that damn toad. I haven't seen him though."

Neville sighed and began to walk out again when he saw Tonks watching him curiously. He took in the Gryffindor badge and that she was about his age. "Um, h-hello. Who are y-you?"

Tonks glanced at a panicking Harry. She was NOT going with Titantia. She had put up with Nymphadora for twenty two years and wasn't going to deal with that all over again.

"Erin, Erin Howles," Harry said, speaking the first name that came to his mind that wasn't Titantia. Fuck. Why did it have to be that one? Harry promised to hit himself later. _Idiot. Fucking dumb ass_. He was trying to forget his short happiness of that summer!

Neville turned back to Tonks and Harry smacked his forehead. "Nice to m-meet you Erin. I-I'm Neville Longbottom. We'll be in the same house."

There were several girlish shrieks a few compartments down. And that was the sign that Trevor had been found. Neville ran from the compartment in search of his toad.

Tonks picked up her book and threw it at Harry. "Really? The name of your ex? Idiot!"

"I said the second name that came to my head! Who you have fathered the first?"

"Was it Titantia?"

"Yes."

"Then this name will have to do."

Harry laughed as he stood and picked up Tonks's school trunk. Like his other two friends, she seemed too lazy to put it up herself. Damn, it was like the Dursley's all over again. Except there was no Erin. No, actually there was. Harry mentally cursed himself for not being able to come up with something better. He tossed the trunk onto the rack, accidentally letting it fall on his finger.

"Fuck!"

Tonks burst out laughing. "Idiot. At this rate You-know-who won't even have to come after you!"

Harry sucked on his throbbing finger. "Fuck off!"

"You know, Hermione's getting pretty fed up with your mouth."

"I know. I need to find some way to curse in a different language. Then she won't even understand me."

"Try Italian."

"Yeah, because that's my second fucking language, Tonks."

Tonks rolled her eyes at his sarcasm. His mood swings were annoying and she wished she knew where they came from. "Well lucky for you I know a few Italian profanities."

"Not going to ask where you learned only the bad words. So what is there."

"Well we'll start with your seemingly favorite 'f' word."

Harry raised en eyebrow. "Fart?"

"Really, Harry? Fart? Why do you insist on making things difficult?" Tonks asked in exasperation. It might have been at his second mood swing in thirty seconds, but she didn't know.

"Snape would say I got it from my father, but I like to think that it's my own thing, you know? It's just who I am, a difficult person. Sarcastic, angry, selfish. Yeah that's me."

"Okay, one: you're doing again! Two: yes, you are an angry person and extremely sarcastic. Three: you're not selfish. And four: you are preventing me from getting on with this lesson!"

"You know, I don't think you're fit to be a teacher. Too impatient."

Tonks slapped a hand to her forehead. She took a deep breath. "Okay lesson number one: fuck. Repeat after me. Cazzo."

"Cazzo. That's it? Maybe I should be writing this down." he grabbed a pen from his pocket, something Erin had said was good to have at all times, and his cigarette pack to write on. "Ok, how do I say, fucking idiots?"

•••

When Ron and Hermione entered the compartment two hours later, they saw Harry and a girl who had to be Tonks both asleep. Harry was sitting straight up in his own seat with his hood from his sweater pulled down over his eyes. Tonks was in the other seat but had her legs out over the gap so they were on Harry's lap. It might have been cute if Harry hadn't been frowning deeply in his sleep and he was less tense. How did somebody even sleep like that? Tonks had her fists clenched and her head kept going from side to side.

Hermione looked worriedly at Ron. "Nightmares, do you think? Should we wake them up?"

Ron looked at his best friend since first year. He shook his head. "Harry already doesn't ever sleep. His room is right above mine, I know. Even if he's having a nightmare, at least he's asleep."

Hermione nodded. She'd been thinking the same thing. She stepped over Tonks's legs and sat on the other side of the sleeping witch. Tonks immediately jerked awake.

"Wha- oh it's you two. We almost to Hogwarts?"

"Few hours yet," Hermione responded. "What should we call you?"

Tonks lifted her legs off of Harry's lap and set her feet on the floor. She stretched before answering, "Erin Howles."

"Isn't that-"

Tonks cut off Ron's words with a nod. She looked at Harry as she said, "That idiot thought of it. Neville came in here before and we needed to come up with something quick. I haven't given it any thought at all so it was either that or Titantia Argyle, which he thankfully realized was not a good idea."

"We can call you Tonks when it's just us or Ginny, right?" Ron asked.

"Course."

Harry suddenly snarled in his sleep and they all jumped. Tonks stood From her seat. Time to wake him up before the nightmare got any worse. She pulled off his hood and shook his shoulder. He immediately snapped open his eyes and jumped away.

"Woah, just us Harry! Just us!" Tonks gasped, trying to calm him down. He was scary when he got like that, didn't know where he was or who any on them were. Almost an animalistic look in his eyes. Scary, no other word for it. And Tonks was an auror! She was supposed to be brave and shit. But no. One look at Harry's crazed expression scared the shit out of her for some reason.

"Oh, sorry. Bad dream." He settled back in his seat and sighed deeply before his face became suddenly expressionless. Weird.

"I can tell," Tonks remarked, ignoring the change. "You freaked out right there."

"Are you alright?" Hermione asked him worriedly. He had an odd look in his eyes as he stated at absolutely nothing. He didn't answer her either. It was like he just zoned out. "Harry!"

He turned his head to look at her. That strange, distant expression gone. He looked normal again. Or as normal as he could anyway. He still looked like he'd been through hell and back.

"What was that all about?" Ron asked.

"What?" Harry knew what they were talking about. But he couldn't let them know what had just happened. He didn't even want to admit it himself. "What was what all about?"

"You just like… zoned out or something," Ron said. He looked utterly confused.

"I did? Well I'm alright now. It's probably nothing." he ignored the suspicious look that Tonks was giving him.

Harry knew that what had just happened wasn't nothing. He didn't know where the dark place he had just gone was, but it wasn't nothing. It must have been somewhere in his mind, that he'd been standing in front of an image of himself. This image of him though, hadn't really head him. He had dark red eyes for one, and his voice… it had been harsh and cold, not like Harry's at all.

"You are me, and I am you. You can not escape it, Harry Potter. You will kill and then you won't stop me. This is war."

Somehow, Harry knew that it hadn't been Voldemort getting in his head. He just didn't know what happened. He shivered involuntarily. _Cazzo_.

A/N: yeah, I don't know what the fuck just happened either. Thanks for those of you who have put this story in their favorites and shit like that. And for those of you who are wondering if Harry and Tonks are gonna get together or just stay friends, yeah I don't know. I don't know much do I? I don't know Italian either, I'm just using the translator on my iPod so I don't know if it will all be correct. This won't be the only Italian swearing you see. Its so much more interesting than English profanity. Plus with Harry's potty mouth he won't get in as much trouble if he can get used to using Italian Anyway, thanks for reading!

7/24/11… I'm pretty sure.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Once again, thanks for the reviews and shit.

Chapter 8:

Harry made his way up to Dumbledore's office. The welcoming feast had just ended and Harry had actually made it to the sorting. McGonagall had given him a note from the headmaster to come up to his office after the feast had ended. The password was licorice snaps.

He knocked on the door firmly and waited for an answer before going in. Yeah, he was polite like that even to the man who had given him a babysitter. And hidden a major part of his life from him. After he heard the voice of Dumbledore, Harry walked in.

It was odd. The last time he'd been in here he had destroyed the place. With good reason of course. He would never just destroy another person's property without reason. He wasn't senseless. Just… a little rash in decision making. The office visibly had fewer trinkets than the last time he saw it. Harry thought it was a bit of an improvement. Now it wasn't such a cluster-fuck of trinkets. Very nice.

"What did you need, professor?" Harry asked as he sat down in what he considered the more comfortable of the two arm chairs.

"This year you will be getting training," Dumbledore said getting right to the point unlike he usually did. Odd. Crazy actually. Maybe he was beginning to learn. "I can only hope that you do not meet Voldemort in battle soon and you must be as ready as possible."

_As ready as possible._ That didn't hold much hope for Harry. It meant that he would never really be ready to face Voldemort. He already knew that of course, but to hear Dumbledore say those words… it really made it true. Even he hadn't been able to defeat Voldemort in the Department of Mysteries._ Merda_.

"What sort of training?" he asked curiously. It was finally what he wanted! After being ignored for a whole fucking year he was going to be trained in the art of fighting.

"On Tuesdays you will meet Alastor Moody outside of the Room of Requirement at eight for both physical and magical training. You will be trained with weapons at the same time on Thursdays in the same place."

_Holy shit_, Harry thought as his heart plummeted_. I mean merda_! Training with Alastor Moody. With weapons. Tonks was right, he was going to die even before Voldemort had a chance with him.

"When will we be doing whatever you have planned?" he asked after managing to regain his voice.

"Once your occlumency is sufficient."

Harry nodded slowly. The words "I am going to die" still spinning through his head. Yup, Dumbledore had gone crazy on him. He was trying to kill him off. He had to be. There was no possible way he would survive this year with his lack of sleep, being Quidditch captain, occlumency lessons, training with Moody, later lessons with Dumbledore, and Homework. No. Possible. Way. He needed that homework planner Hermione had gotten him for his birthday. Where was that again?

"Is something on your mind?"

Harry looked quickly at the old man who's hand were clasped firmly under his chin. Even the injured one, and Harry wished he knew how the old man had gotten his hand all messed up. Stupid ass secrets. To many for his own good.

"Actually yes. It happened on the train." and Harry then explained what had happened after he awoke on the train. That vision or whatever it was had scared him. It hadn't been from Voldemort. But the voice. And the eyes. It wasn't right. And then what he said about how Harry would kill and he would take over. It was confusing. And scary as shit.

A strange look passed over Dumbledore's face but it was quickly hidden. "Interesting. I will think more about this and research it. But now it is time for you to go to bed. You look far older than you should, Harry."

There was something Dumbledore wasn't telling him. Harry could tell. He didn't know how, but he could. Then again, Dumbledore always had something to hide. It was nothing new. Jerk. Secrets don't make friends, Albus! Harry nodded and left the office. Time to find that talking homework planner.

When he got to the common room he found that Tonks was being interrogated. Apparently those who had been in the DA were understanding that not everyone could be trusted. But they seriously had to leave her alone at some point. Ron, Hermione and Ginny were trying and failing to get them all to leave. Tonks was just looking pissed and answering the questions with half-assed answers, swears, or more questions. Time for Harry to save the day.

"Alright, that's enough!" he growled at he pushed his way through the crowd to stand by his friends. Everyone backed off a little. "It's good to see that you're all taking this war seriously, but she's good, alright? Lay off."

Harry Potter, the Chosen One, was standing up for the new girl who was sitting with his friends. That meant that she could be trusted. That should have been obvious. Nice one people. Real nice. Harry stared at them all with a stony face. Maybe being who he was had some privileges after all.

"What did Dumbledore say?" Hermione asked after Harry had made himself comfortable. He'd been tense since the train ride after he'd been in that trance or whatever the hell it was. It was starting to worry her. Secrets don't make friends, Harry!

"On Tuesday's and Thursday's I have to train with Moody in the Room of Requirement. Magical, physical, and weaponry." he went into a thoughtful silence as his four companions gaped. "Imagine Moody coming at you with a sword."

"He trained me as an auror," Tonks said quietly, making sure that nobody heard. "I can imagine that. Harry, I wish you luck." she pat Harry on the top of his head.

He sighed. "I need a smoke."

Leaving Hermione spluttering about how casual he was about that statement, Harry stood and walked over to the window. He threw it open and lit a cigarette with his wand. Several people in the common room, actually nearly everyone, were surprised by this action. It was something they had never expected to see. Harry had always been quiet, unless he was pissed, and just a good kid. Unless he was Breaking every school rule there was. Was smoking one of those rules? Did a lot of wizards even smoke? Who the hell knew? But how could someone who smoked lived to be a hundred and fifty. The wizarding world was crazy like that.

"Are you doing the DA this year, Harry?" Colin Creevey suddenly called, undaunted by his hero's new habit.

The DA. Having another responsibility for that year was unimaginable. "No." was the blunt answer. He kept his eyes out the window, not wanting to see the disappointed faces. He didn't need that. He had his own disappointing life to run. Sad thought, really. "I have too much on my plate for this year as it is. I don't need anything else. We have a competent teacher this year anyway."

"Competent?" Dean Thomas snorted. "It's Snape! He's hated you from day one!"

Another drag and he ran a hand through his hair. Now he was the one who needed saving. How quickly tables could turn. "Doesn't mean he's not good at what he does. By that I mean dueling and potions because as a teacher he sucks." A ripple of amusement passed through the Gryffindors as Harry mentally hit himself for defending Snape. He just wanted these people off his back though. "But you don't need the DA to practice. You can do that anytime and you should. Last year most of you joined the DA to do well on your OWLs and to actually learn something, right?" Harry turned to see several people nod. He leaned against the wall and ashed his cigarette out the window.

"Wasn't that what we were there for?" Katie Bell asked.

Harry nodded slowly. He stared at the burning end of his cigarette. "It was. But this year we are actually going to learn things. Snape fought in the last war." _As a death Eater_. "He knows what he's doing. That doesn't mean you shouldn't all practice as much as you can though. You don't need the DA for that." he repeated, trying to get it through their heads that Dumbledore's Army wasn't going to happen. He flicked his cigarette out the window and closed it. "If you still have the fake galleons, use them to your advantage though. No battle has to be fought alone. Pass on the message to the other houses."

Harry left the common room up the stairs to his dormitory. Everyone began talking amongst themselves about what he had just told them. Tonks however stayed silent with a thoughtful expression on her face. Harry always said he hated attention and she didn't doubt that. But his speech right there… he was a leader. But wether or not he wanted that responsibility was another question.

•••

Harry hated potions. Apparently he hadn't escaped it, for there he was, standing next to Hermione and Tonks listening to Slughorn talk and talk and talk. Did he ever stop? No would be the correct answer. Harry played with the edges of the ratty old textbook he'd gotten since he didn't have one of his own. Slughorn was saying something about something called Liquid Luck. Hmmm. He could use some luck. It was hard for him to come by these days. Maybe he should pay attention. It wouldn't do to get behind on the very first day of classes.

"The student with the best Draught of Living Death will win this vial of Liquid Luck."

Draught of living death? What the hell was that? _Merda_. He opened his textbook to find that it had an incredible amount of writing in it. Really, person who owned this book before me? Harry thought in annoyance as he saw that most of the instructions were scratched out. "_Cazzo_!"

"Harry!" Hermione gasped.

Oh shit. Uh merda. Harry turned to look at Hermione's slightly angry face. "I'm guessing you know Italian then?"

"Yes, I happen to know a little!"

On his other side Tonks was stifling her laughter. Harry elbowed her in the ribs and she nudged him back even harder. "_Culo_," he muttered to her and this time Hermione was the one to hit him. "Ow! At least it's not English, Hermione! Most people won't even know what I'm saying. Now if you don't mind, I think I just might want that luck in a bottle!"

•••

Whoever that Half-blood Prince was, he knew what the hell he was doing when it came to potions, Harry thought as he gazed at his bottle of liquid luck. He was lying back in his bed, holding the vial in front of his face. It wasn't something he would use lightly like using it in hopes of getting a good grade or winning a quidditch game. This would be used as a last resort when he faced Voldemort, that he knew. When that time came, he would need all of the luck he could get. Like maybe a hundred vials of this same potion. Yeah, that should do it.

Somebody in the room grunted in his sleep. It reminded Harry that he should probably get some sleep himself. Tomorrow was Tuesday and he had no clue what Moody had in store for him. But sleeping just didn't sound like a good idea tonight. If only his CD player would work at Hogwarts. Maybe it would work at the shrieking shack. No, bad idea. There was no way in hell he would risk getting killed by the Whomping Willow every night to sleep in some dirty, disgusting old shack that was a danger to anyone who stepped inside of it.

"Cazzo." he mumbled and covered his eyes with the edge of his blanket, but leaving the rest of his face uncovered. Hermione had asked him why he did this. Like he would actually tell her why. It was too embarrassing. So, like most things, he kept that little piece of information of the secret life of Harry Potter, to himself.

•••

"Run Potter."

Harry looked at Moody in surprise. They were in the Room of Requirement which currently looked like some sort of training area. There were weights and pull up bars and also punching bags and dummies. "Run?"

"Are you deaf, Potter? Around the room!"

"How many times?"

"Until I say stop. And give me your wand."

"What? No!" Harry protested gripping his wand even tighter. There was no way in hell he was going to give it up to Moody. Defenseless. With only Moody. He was sure to die.

"Give me your wand Potter! It's part of the exercise! Wand!"

Harry glared at Moody. That went against everything he knew. It had to be some sort of trick. The old ex auror was holding his hand out impatiently. Harry looked at his wand and a second later something slammed into him.

"What the hell?" he shouted from his place on the floor. "A fucking bludgeoner?"

"It was weak. This just proves that you are too." Moody growled.

"I am not weak!" Harry snarled.

"Then get up off your ass, give me the damn wand, and RUN!"

Harry soon found out why he wasn't allowed to have his wand. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a spell coming at him. He ducked with a short yelp and the stunner hit the wall next to him. This was going to be worse than he thought.

After he was done running Moody shoved him to the ground. "Sit ups. Until I say stop."

Harry lost count after forty. After Moody had allowed him to stop the old auror pushed him over onto his stomach. "Push-ups."

"Until you say stop," Harry grunted.

"Good, you're learning."

After twenty something dropped onto Harry's back. Some sort of sack filled with what felt like sand. Harry's arms gave out and he dropped onto his face. Stupid fucking Room of Requirement, giving people anything they needed. What the hell.

"Keep going Potter! I never said stop!"

"What does this have to do with anything?" Harry shouted and he struggled to get in another push up.

"You must build up your strength. You will most likely be in the front lines of this war, Potter, whether the old man likes it or not. I know about the prophecy. Voldemort won't come after you himself, he will send his death eaters. You'll be fighting your way out in any way you can. That's what I'm here for. Now stop complaining, you'll need to save your breath."

•••

Harry stumbled into the common room three hours later. Only a few people were left, getting homework from that day finished or just reading or relaxing. Harry flopped painfully onto the couch that Tonks and Hermione were sitting on. Ron had apparently already gone up to bed.

"I take it that training didn't go well?" Tonks asked. He could hear the amusement in her voice and scowled into the pillow he had his face buried in.

"You could have warned me what it was going to be like."

"But that would be less fun for me. Besides, it really wouldn't have done you any good. But I did get you something."

"Oh joy. A present," Harry said unenthusiastically. He turned his head and smiled at the glare Tonks was sending him. He sat up with a groan. "Well, what is it?"

Tonks went into her bag and pulled out a glass bottle filled with a blueish liquid. "This will help with the soreness. Just put it in your bathwater."

"Thanks Erin." he still had trouble calling her Erin. It just didn't seem right for some reason. Maybe he should have said Titantia and just put up with the beating he would have gotten later. Maybe he should just call her Titantia anyway. It be a hell of a lot easier than being reminded of the best summer he would never have again. Fuuuuuuck.

A/N: yup. Hermione speaks Italian. At least a little. Man, Harry just can't win. I'm not sure what that little speech was of Harry's in the beginning. Just goin with it. Don't know where I'm going because it is currently three in the morning and I can remember everything I wrote in this chapter and I don't feel like going back to read it. Too tired.

7/25/11


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Chapter 9:

"You need to stop getting distracted by the memories! You need to ignore them!"

Harry let out a low snarl of annoyance. This was the third occlumency lesson he and Tonks had had. It wasn't easy to find the time to actually do this since they had to go to the room of requirement and come back unnoticed. That usually meant late at night, starting at eight and going back when everyone else was asleep. He had made very little progress, only managing to force her out of his mind five times out of twenty something. And by then she had already seen too much.

"I'm trying, Tonks! It's not easy!"

Tonks pulled a Harry and ran her hand through her pink hair. She had been in her normal form a few seconds before but she subconsciously changed her hair color. Harry liked her normal form. He said she looked like a younger, sexier Narcissa Malfoy. She obviously took after her mother's side in her looks. This was a very good thing. Very good. He didn't ask why she never stayed that way, not that he minded. He liked the pink hair. It was different from the rest of the serious air that the world had. A nice change.

"Look, I had to go through it too. Just concentrate."

She was trying so hard to try and be patient. She wasn't going to deal with another one of Harry's cracks about her being a bad teacher. But his attitude towards everything she was saying wasn't helping.

Harry took a deep breath and shifted in his seat to make himself more comfortable. "Ok, I'm sorry. Ready to try again?"

Tonks nodded and her hair faded back to blonde. She had to always go back to her normal form because the legilimency took as much out of her as it did harry. As she had told him before, she was no snape. Not a bad thing by any means. She leveled her wand at him. "Clear your mind. Legilimens!"

Dudley was chasing him through an alley way after school… One of the faster of his friends grabbed Harry by the neck and forced him to the ground... He was sitting in his cupboard staring up at the bottom of the stairs as Vernon thundered down them, causing dust to fall onto his face…. He was standing in the kitchen surrounded by spilled food As Vernon screamed at him with a purple face, threatening him with beatings.

"ENOUGH!"

With Harry's scream came a small burst of magic that threw Tonks completely off of the couch with a surprised shriek. Harry stood up from the couch as began to pace around the room of requirement to calm himself down. Tonks just sat on the floor, rubbing her sore head and thinking about what she had just seen.

Finally Harry walked up to her, his breathing back to normal. He helped her up and they sat back on the couch. He stared into the fire, thankful that they had chosen a comfortable setting for these lesson. The comfortable environment helped calm his anger.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Tonks murmured, shaking her head. She knew though, that whatever she said he would feel guilty about it. "It's hard to control. I did the same thing to Mad-eye a lot of times when he saw something that I didn't want him to."

"Like what?" Harry asked curiously. He had a small smirk on his face as though he knew exactly what Moody had seen. And he did of course.

"Nothing your young mind needs to know about and we will keep it at that."

Harry scowled. She called him a kid. Again. "I'm not a kid."

"So I've seen." she retorted and Harry had the decency to blush. He still couldn't believe she saw him and Erin over the summer. Her comment that day still ran through his mind. _I may have to watch your ass but I don't need to actually see it! _He'd been horrified, but too pissed to show it at the time.

"Shut up."

"So how bad was it really? Your relatives I mean, not the sex," she added seeing the shocked look on his face. Too bad she didn't have a camera.

Harry turned to look at Tonks. Her hair was a neon green but then it turned pink again. It was like a rainbow on her head. She seemed genuinely curious. And he trusted her that she wouldn't tell anyone. She already saw many of his memories during these lessons and she hadn't told anybody. And he was sure that Hermione and Ron had asked. They'd been trying to get it out of him for years. "Last year when you came to help me pack you saw the bolts on my door. There used to even be bars on my window and there was a cat flap that im guessing you didn't see. How the fuck do you think it was?" He didn't mean for it to come out so harshly. Even thinking about his life there just put him in a bad mood. "Sorry."

"At least you don't have to deal with it anymore. You don't have to go back there again." She shrugged.

"Yeah. That's true." Harry said quietly, seemingly thinking about something. There was something wrong with his voice though.

Tonks frowned at him. "You don't sound very excited about that. Did you want to go back?"

"Of course not. I'm just thinking." He shrugged. "My aunt never stopped my uncle from kicking me out. I always thought she almost cared for me because I was her dead sister's only son. She always stopped my uncle before. But I didn't even see her once that day."

"Like I said, you dont have to go back there again. It doesn't matter."

Harry nodded slowly. She was right. Privet Drive and everyone there was a thing of his past. A place that would be better off forgotten. Well not forgotten. Life at #4 was what made him who he was. A guy with some anger issues.

"I think we should go on back to the common room. Most of them should be in bed by now," Tonks said suddenly. They couldn't go back when students were still in the common room. Too many rumors could start that way. Or maybe it would have been better to go back when there was a cluster-fuck of people. No. They had done that the first time and nearly every head had looked up to see who was coming in. Curiosity killed the cat, people!

Harry nodded and watched Tonks turn into Erin. At was a pretty amazing thing to see. Not as funny as watching her take on a duck bill, but amazing. They collected their things and left under his invisibility cloak. Filch probably wouldn't be too understanding if they were caught and if any of the prefects caught them during their rounds then rumors would start before the night was over. _Stupid gossiping portraits. Keep your mind out of everyone's business!_ Harry thought.

Harry went up to his dormitory to get ready to go to sleep. The rest of his roommates were asleep already like all of the rest of the students in Gryffindor. He then grabbed a pillow and a blanket and went down to the common room.

Harry had taken to sleeping in the common room nearly every night. It had only been three weeks since they had arrived at Hogwarts, but the nightmares were frequent. He had woken up the other boys in his dorm several times before deciding that if he was going to sleep, then it would be where he didn't disturb anybody.

•••

He was sitting at the head of a long table. On either side sat men and women in dark robes, some wearing masks some not. He recognized several faces such as Bellatrix Lestrange and Lucius Malfoy. If he had any control over his body then Harry would have killed Bellatrix right there. He didn't care about taking her life. She didn't deserve it. None of these people did. Fucking slime balls.

But Harry was seeing through the eyes of Voldemort as he slept. Somewhere there was a meeting. Harry wondered if somehow Draco Malfoy was there, hiding beneath a mask. No impossible. The ferret was in his bed sleeping like every other student.

Suddenly Voldemort looked up and Harry wanted to throw up. Voldemort said something but Harry couldn't even listen. He was too horrified. _WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! _He mentally shouted at himself. He couldn't be seeing this. The occlumency lessons were supposed to be blocking this. But it was real.

Hovering over the table was a woman. She was stripped naked and covered in blood. Her body was littered with long deep gashes. Entrails were hanging out of her stomach. And she wasn't dead. Her mouth was open in a soundless scream as she pleaded for her life. Bellatrix cackled madly and Harry wished he had control over his body. One curse, on unforgivable, was all it took. She killed Sirius. She deserved it.

Merlin, what the fuck was he thinking? This wasn't him! _Please wake up! _He thought desperately. He didn't want those thoughts anymore. Nobody deserved death. But did he really believe that?

Suddenly Harry was gone from the room and thank Merlin he was. But that image was now imprinted in his mind. All he wanted was for it to go away. But the brain didn't work that way. The brain was an ass, torturing him like this by replaying that memory over and over again and Harry stood in the darkness. Darkness? Hadn't he woken up?

Harry looked around. It was dark, very dark. There was nothing he could see but black. And suddenly he wished he was back with the death eaters. This place was so much worse. He'd been here only once, and that was enough. He looked around for himself but there was only that never ending darkness. He didn't have a wand and even if he did, he doubted a simple lumos would do him much good. _WAKE UP!_

"You wanted to kill her."

Harry whipped around but nothing was there. "Who are you?"

"I am you. You are me."

Two eyes glowed through the darkness. They were a deep crimson color that sent shivers down Harry's spine. _Cazzo_. He didn't want to be here. _Wake Up!_

"She killed Sirius. She deserves death." that cold voice said.

"Nobody deserves death," growled Harry. He didn't even believe his words though. He knew it. Bellatrix deserved death for all she'd done. Voldemort deserved something worse than death. No, that wasn't him. This dark reflection of himself was giving him these thoughts. He didn't want to kill anybody. Killing wasn't him! And yet, if he faced Voldemort and won, then it would be him. _No, no no no!_

"You don't really think that."

"What do you know?" Harry snarled.

Suddenly he was surrounded by the glowing red eyes. Hundreds of them. The voice was everywhere at once. "I am you. You are me. I know your thoughts. You want revenge. But you are weak. You will slip at the last moment."

"I AM NOT WEAK!"

Harry felt something pierce his shoulder and he screamed with pain. He looked at his shoulder to see a hole the size of a golfball. It was like someone scooped out his flesh with a spoon.

"_WEAK!"_

Harry snapped open his eyes. He was back in the Gryffindor common room. Just a dream. Then why did he feel so much pain? He looked at his shoulder and gave a strangled cry. It was bleeding, the same wound from his dream still there.

"What the hell?"

Harry looked up. Tonks (Erin) and Hermione were standing on the stairs leading to the girls' dormitories. They looked scared and didn't seem to know what to do. Hermione had frozen up at the sight of his wound. _Of all fucking times to freeze up! This was fucking war! _Harry shouted in his mind.

"Do something!" he shouted, not sure what to do himself. He heard more footsteps as student awoke and began to come down to see what all of the shouting was about. _No! Stay up there! They can't see this!_

Tonks reacted first and ran over to him. She conjured bandages with her wand and pressed them over the wound. "What happened?" she asked, not looking up. She just kept concentrating on what she was doing. What the hell was this?

"I… don't know." his voice was quiet. He felt dizzy. The room was spinning around him and he was vaguely aware of students slowly entering the room and staring in shock. His eyes began to close. Too much blood loss.

"Harry! Keep your eyes open, alright? Alright?" Tonks shouted desperately. Shit, shit shit shit!

"Sure," he mumbled.

"Erin, what's happening?" it was Ron. He sounded scared. More scared than if the room was filled with spiders.

"I don't know. Just get Madam Pomfrey."

Harry's eyes snapped open and Tonks gasped, nearly falling backwards. Harry hardly took notice. "No! Get Dumbledore!"

Ron ran off with a curt nod. Harry looked at Tonks who had completely stopped what she was doing. Her mouth was hanging slightly open and her eyes were wide. "Harry, your eyes…"

Harry stood up and went to the window to see what she was talking about. She was scared. Tonks was scared. The _Auror_ was scared. He could just see his reflection in the glass and he could have screamed bloody murder. His eyes weren't the normal emerald green, but a deep blood red. He felt something rising in his throat and threw open the window just enough to get his head and shoulders through. He opened his mouth and vomited. Four times. He Leaned against the wall and slid down. What was happening to him? Was he giving inn to his darker self already?

"He needs to go to the hospital wing!" Hermione screamed at Tonks who was once again tending to his wound.

"Hermione, shut up. You need to be calm. Freaking out won't help him. Dumbledore will be here soon." Hermione huffed and stared worriedly at Harry who looked dazed. Tonks's voice took on a more gentle tone. "Harry, can you hear me?"

"Yeah."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"No."

Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Madam Pomfrey strode into the common room followed by Ron who was panting.

"Mr. Weasley, Mr. Thomas, the two of you bring him up to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey ordered after a second. The two boys nodded and each put an arm under his armpits and hoisted Harry to his feet, nearly falling over when he just collapsed and they had to carry his dead weight. McGonagall began ushering other students back up to their dormitories to get ready for breakfast. No need for them to see this.

"What happened here?" Dumbledore asked, looking at the blood on the floor and on the crumpled blanket Harry had been using.

"We don't know sir," Tonks said. "I heard him screaming and I woke Hermione up. We came down here and he was bleeding but he said he didn't know what happened."

"We wanted to get Madam Pomfrey," Hermione continued. "But he told Ron to get you instead."

"Is there anything else?" McGonagall asked.

"His eyes were red," Tonks whispered. She closed her own eyes as she pictured it. Out of everything that had happened, that's what scared her the most. Not the hole in his shoulder that came from nowhere. Not his pained screams loud enough to wake the entire school.

Dumbledore's eyes widened for a fraction of a second before his face took on a thoughtful look. Now he knew why Harry had called specifically for him. "I must speak to him."

"Will he be alright?" Hermione asked.

"Of course he will, Miss Granger. You and Miss Howles may go and see him after Madam Pomfrey has treated him."

Tonks nodded and took Hermione's arm. They were going to wait outside of the hospital wing and pester Madam Pomfrey to let them in. He was going to be fine, tonks knew. But Hermione looked ready to pass out herself.

•••

Harry lay back in his hospital bed and stared at the ceiling. He hated being there so early in the school year.

Dumbledore had just left after Harry told him about his dream starting from where he was watching the death eater meeting and his thoughts about Bellatrix. That scared him. Sure, he wanted Bellatrix to suffer,(Who the fuck in their right mind didn't?) but he didn't want to kill her. That wasn't him. Those couldn't have been his thoughts. But he remembered the department of mysteries incident like it was yesterday. He attempted the Cruciatus Curse on her. Was he becoming like him? Not Voldemort, but that reflection of himself with the red eyes. No, he just hadn't been thinking clearly. Nor would anyone in that situation.

"Harry?"

_Cazzo_. He didn't want to see them. They would ask questions. Questions he didn't want to answer. Couldn't answer. He didn't even know what was happening! Dumbledore might've, but he wasn't saying shit. _Culo_.

"How are you feeling?" Tonks asked.

"Tired. Confused. Pissed. Pain."

"Can you tell us what happened?" Ron asked.

"Not yet. I just want to think about it for a while." _GO AWAY!_

"Well… is there anything you want?" Hermione asked. She was chewing her lip, just itching to question him, but managed to hold herself. That didn't happen often.

Harry thought for a moment. He didn't know how long Madam Pomfrey was going to hold him prisoner. Maybe he could get some reading done. He found something interesting in one of the books from the secret room. It was called a horcrux, basically a way of escaping death. "There is a book on my dresser. You can get me that."

After they were gone Harry leaned back into his pillows. He pressed his fingers to his temples and sighed. It had only been three weeks and it was already turning out to be his worst year at Hogwarts yet.

A/N: another chapter where even I have no clue what's happening. How many had that been? 6 out of 9 or something like that? Oh well, at least the rest of the story will be surprising. I don't know when my next update will be since I'll be switching to another story for a while. And for those of you asking if it will be Honks, maybe... But really, I am entitled to my secrets, am I not? If I knew how to do an evil laugh and not feel like a complete ass then I would. But then I'd feel like an ass. And during this break I will be making a plan of what comes next. Yeah, thats right, I'm planning. The most disorganized person I know is planning. Holy shit something crazy is happening. Yeah, I'll end this note here cause it's getting long and I'm babbling. Shit.

7/26/11 Its my moms birthday!


	10. Chapter 10

I'm baaaaack!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 10:

Word of Harry's 'episode' for lack of a better word in the Gryffindor common room spread like wildfire for the next two weeks. Naturally Harry was pissed, his patience wearing thinner than ever. He snapped at nearly everyone, the exception being his teachers. And whenever he became irritated Tonks noticed something that gave her chills. His eyes. It was hardly noticeable if you weren't looking for it, but she saw the small rings of red around his pupils, crimson and clover.

Moody in particular did not appreciate Harry's attitude, the smart ass remarks or the way the teen would snap at times. It made each training session rough to say the least. Four times those two weeks, Harry walked into the common room bleeding and bruised, and without a word to anybody. Harry knew he deserved it and that it needed to stop, but the cold voice in his head never went away. Sometimes it spoke of threats, other times offering advice. _The angel on one shoulder, devil on the other_. It got to Harry, having the conflicting thoughts in his head.

Also the nightmares did not cease to come. Every night his sleep was plagued with the haunting darkness, the tortured screams of people he didn't even know. Once or twice he'd seen into Voldemort's mind as he and his fellow death eaters brutally killed helpless families. The first family that Harry had witness killed had the last name of Abbot. Hannah Abbot's family. She hadn't been seen since and for some reason, Harry felt guilty. As though he could have possibly stopped it if only he'd woken up. But he'd witnessed from start to finish the cruelty of Voldemort and his Death Eaters. It still made him feel sick. This is what happened in war?

•••

"Please!" Harry gasped as he tried to dodge Moody's sword. His exhaustion made his movements clumsy and he crashed to the ground as the flat of the blade crushed his ribs. Harry sat on the floor trying to regain his breath as Ron, Hermione and Tonks all watched. They didn't usually come to watch the training sessions, but Mad-eye thought that it would be a good idea to have them come. "I need a break!"

Moody snorted with contempt. "Showing the weakness of a child Potter. And wasting breath."

Harry snarled and used his own sword to hoist himself up. _Weakness of a child, he says! No fucking right!_ Harry charged at the ex-auror, swinging his blade. Moody blocked the attack with his sword before dropping it. In the blink of an eye his fists collided with either side of Harry's head. Moody shoved a dazed Harry to the ground.

"That was what you call fighting?" Moody growled out. "If I had been a death eater you'd have been dead in seconds! You lost your head!"

Harry rubbed his temples, glaring up at his mentor. _Fucking asshole_. "What the fuck kind of death eater fights with a sword anyway? I have yet to see that!"

Moody's sword pointed at his throat, just grazing the skin. Harry looked back defiantly. "How many battles have you been in, boy? You know _nothing_ of war! You and your friends managed to survive in the department of mysteries with sheer luck and by the skin of your teeth!"

"Merlin, Mad-eye!" Tonks exclaimed. She glanced at Harry, still on the ground, staring blankly and trembling in anger. What the fuck was Moody playing at? "Take it easy on him! He's not training to be a fucking auror!"

"No, he's not," Mad-eye agreed. "He's training for something much bigger! I know damn well what the prophecy must have contained and I know damn well the Potter here is going to be on the front lines of this war. I agreed to this so that he might stand a chance against Voldemort." he looked down at Harry, lowering his sword. "So far it is not promising."

Harry gritted his teeth. Fuck Moody. He forced himself back to his feet with determination glowing in his green and slightly red eyes. He would have to prove himself to the old bastard. Harry raised his sword, gripping it in both hands. "Let's go again."

•••

He hit the ground for the umpteenth time that night. Blood flowed from a gash on his arm. He didn't fucking care anymore, especially since Moody was sporting gashes of his own. Blood from both men dripped onto the floor as Harry pushed himself up again. He coughed, a burning pain erupting from his lungs. That probably wasn't from smoking, but from the abuse he was suffering at Moody's hands. Possibly combined with the smoking.

"That will be enough for tonight" his fighting instructor told him. "Keep practicing in your free time and learn to keep those fucking comments under control."

Moody left and Harry sank back into a chair that the room provided. The three others in the room gathered around their worn out friend. Tonks conjured a bowl of water and a cloth that she used to clean the wound. It stung just a little but Harry didn't give a fuck.

Tonks was muttering angrily. "Don't know what the fuck he thinks he's doing! Acting like you're a trainee! Worse even!"

"Drop it Tonks."

She glared at Harry, pausing in her task for the moment. She opened her mouth to tell him off but Hermione nudged her. The younger witch just shook her head. Tonks got the meaning. Now wasn't a good time to piss Harry off. His eyes reverted to the normal green, though they were dull from pain and exhaustion. Tonks bit her tongue and looked down at the bandages she was putting around his arm.

"I'll see you in the morning mate," Ron said suddenly, clapping his friend lightly on the shoulder. Harry no longer slept in the dorm with the other boys. Not since the incident in the common room. He didn't want to wake the others if something like that happened again. He was certain that it was only a matter of time. "Get some sleep tonight, yeah?"

"I will do my very best," Harry smiled weakly. Ron nodded and left, Hermione following soon afterwards. Harry and Tonks then sat in silence. It was a comfortable one though, not awkward like it was with most. Just companionable silence, the kind he never got with Ron or Hermione who tended to fill it with talk of Quidditch and school.

"You really shouldn't talk to him like that you know."

And the silence was gone. He should've known it wouldn't last. Tonks was too talkative. Harry turned his head to glare at her. She didn't know—or actually she did know what being trained by Alastor Moody was like. A pain in the fucking ass. "I know," he mumbled, staring straight ahead again. _But it's not me that's doing it! _"I'm trying so hard to stop it."

Tonks nodded, standing up from her own chair that the room provided. She walked over to a strange cupboard that appeared next to the wall. Harry heard the sound of glass clinking against glass. Butterbeer maybe? Nope. Tonks came back holding a potion bottle and his cigarettes he'd placed on a rack that held the many swords.

"This will help the pain," she said handing him the bottle. "And these because I'm nice." she put his cigarettes on the arm of his chair.

"Thanks." Harry threw back his head, downing the potion as though he were taking shots. He grimaced at the taste he was slowly becoming used to. He slid a cigarette out of the box and Tonks lit it with her wand as it hung from his lips. "Such a big help."

Tonks grinned and ruffled his hair which she knew he hated. That's why she did it. "I know what it's like. I always had a friend around to help me out after each training session. Guess I might as well do the same for you."

Harry smiled a bit and nodded. He sank back into his chair and took a drag. "It's appreciated." he took another drag and ashed his cigarette on the floor. He could ask the room for an ash tray if he thought it might work. But were ashtrays a muggle thing, or were they from both worlds? Would the room provide one even? "How many death eaters use swords?" he asked. When he had asked Moody that had been a genuine question. It just came out angrier than intended.

"There are a few who actually carry them with them," Tonks answered. "A few that we know about anyway. Voldemort is gathering forces like crazy and we don't know how. But there are many trained with swords. Bellatrix for example, and I'm sure that one would really want to stay away from that woman while she wields a sword. That's why you're doing this. You will need any advantage you can get. Like Alastor said, you'll be on the front lines. Along with Ron and Hermione most likely, as much as you hate to think about that."

Harry looked down. Ron and Hermione. They would be fighting because they were his best friends. They were only in danger because he associated with him. If they weren't then they would be able to just leave, go somewhere safe with their families. He looked at Tonks. "You ever killed anyone Tonks?"

She looked slightly taken aback at the question. Then she shook her head. "No. I haven't been an auror for very long, three years, and not many battles have happened. But before this is over, that's going to be different."

"Ron and Hermione, they're going to have to kill. And how many others, forced into this war?"

Tonks shook her head. "They choose to fight, Harry, they aren't forced. They all had a choice."

"And me?"

"You're the exception."

Harry snorted. That was the fucking truth. Nobody else had a prophecy hanging over their head saying they had to kill a dark lord. So he would fight because he had to. "I'm not just doing thus shit so I have half of a chance to beat the pesky dark lord that makes my life hell," he told Tonks whose lips twitched as the phrase 'pesky dark lord'. "I highly doubt I'll come out of that battle alive."

_Always the optimist._

_Shut up._

"I just want to take down as many of Voldemort's lackeys as I can." he finished. Tonks stared at him with a sad expression. Harry crushed his cigarette between his thumb and forefinger. He shrugged and flicked it onto the ground a few feet away.

"You shouldn't think like that," Tonks said. Harry smirked a little. She was channeling Hermione. How many times had his bookworm friend said those very same words to him? _Too many to count_. Tonks didn't say anything more, just stood and began to walk toward the door with a quiet good night. She paused halfway out the door and turned to him. "And here's a small tip for when you're fighting against Mad-eye. Stop fighting like your cousin." At Harry's somewhat reproachful and hurt look she continued, "You're quick enough on your feet to dodge, so dodge. Use that to your advantage. Night Harry. Happy thoughts."

•••

Harry tossed Ron his broom, interrupting the ongoing chess game between his red haired friend and Seamus. Ron quickly caught the broom before it hit him in the face.

"Let's go for a quick fly."

Ron and Seamus raised their eyebrows. Everyone knew that Harry usually just didn't have time to goof around. When he wasn't doing his homework, he and Katie were making plays and planning practices. When he wasn't doing that they actually were at practice. If not that he was… well nobody but Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Tonks knew that he was training. Everyone else just didn't have a clue. Harry was a mystery to them.

"What's the occasion?" Ron asked.

"No occasion," Harry grinned. He was in a good mood. No dreams the night before, no onflicting thoughts in his head. "Stayed up all night, did all my assignments. Felt the need for some free time. Now let's go."

"Right." Ron nodded. "Dean take my place." Dean groaned, knowing that the game would only last a minute before he lost.

On the way out of the common room they bumped into Katie and Tonks. Literally. Harry ran into Katie, knocking her books out of her hands. Katie stumbled back into Tonks who toppled to the floor. Katie kept her balance for a few seconds, waving her arms to stay upright. It was all in vain as she fell next to Tonks. Harry didn't even drop his broom.

"Damnit Harry!" Tonks shouted.

"Sorry Erin." He helped her up and then Katie. Ron was busy laughing and trying to keep it quiet. He succeeded when the two girls glared at him. Harry hastily picked up all of the books and handed them to Katie. "Sorry."

"You two going out to fly?" Katie asked. Stupid question really. Why else would they have brooms? But Harry only nodded. The girls looked just as surprised as Ron and Seamus had. Then Tonks smiled.

"Good. A little fresh air wouldn't hurt every once in a while."

•••

The two boys took to the air. Ron commented that it was nice to just fly without a purpose and without having to run laps first. Harry was adamant that everyone run around the pitch three times before each practice. Something they all resented. Neither one talked, they just flew with a bit of competitiveness, sometimes trying to knock the other off their broom, cutting the other one off, that sort of thing.

Finally Harry began to slow and he hovered. Ron stopped next to him, looking at Harry curiously. Harry slowly lit a cigarette, staring at the stands where several girls had gathered to watch the 'Chosen One' fly. They were far enough away that the girls wouldn't hear anything. He turned his gaze to Ron.

"Tonks told me she's been helping you and Hermione train." he said. The night before he and Tonks had another conversation about the war and their biggest worries. Harry's had been his friends. Tonks' had been her parents.

"Yeah. While you go off with Sir Paranoia, sometimes she'll help us. I'm sure we aren't exactly learning the same things as you, but it's something."

Harry nodded. "Good."

"Huh? Did I hear that correctly?" Ron asked and Harry chuckled, though he quickly sobered.

"Actually I was talking to Tonks about a week ago after that training session with Mad-eye. And she made me realize that the two of you will be involved with this war almost as much as me, however much a dislike it. In my mind every single student in that school ought to be practicing there spells. In a war such as this everyone is in danger. Defense against the Dark Arts, even with a… competent teacher won't do much good."

"You've thought about this a lot, haven't you?"

"Every day, my friend. Every fucking day. I see the firsties in the common room, trying to learn spells that they won't learn until later years. I hear the worried whispers of the other students, all worrying about their families and if they will be seeing them again when the school year is over. Already Hannah won't be."

They sat there in a solemn silence. And then Ron realized something that brought a grin to his face. "You called Snape competent."

•••

Saturday night the team walked in from a dreadful Quidditch practice. Ritchie Coote had collided with Jimmy Peakes and those two went spiraling to the ground. Harry felt no sympathy for them at that moment. They hadn't broken any bones and could still move so he'd ordered them back onto the brooms. Ron had been nervous and a little off thanks to the people watching from the stands. He let in so many goals that Harry had slapped his forehead in aggravation, leaving a nice red mark. Lastly a stray bludger caught Demelza's right arm so with one of their chasers on their way to the hospital wing, the team called it quits.

"Bad day?" Hermione asked as the two boys heavily sat down.

"You could say that," Ron muttered bitterly.

Harry glared at the floor. It seemed as though it had done him wrong in some way to anybody who looked at him. He looked at Tonks. "Ready for the occlumency lesson?"

"You sure you're feeling up to it?" Harry nodded. "Maybe we should just skip it today. You could-"

Harry stood up and headed to the stairs that led to the boys' dormitories. Tonks sighed. He was getting the invisibility cloak. She waited until she felt a tap on her shoulder before getting up and heading to the portrait hole. This was how it went. They couldn't leave together as rumors would start and it would seem strange if the portrait hole opened on its own. So they came to the decision that Harry would follow Tonks from under the cloak. Ron would tell everyone that he was sleeping and it would be unwise to disturb him. Hermione would come up with some excuse for Tonks, or rather Erin. It worked.

Once in the corridors Tonks slid under the cloak with Harry, making herself shorter while Harry crouched to that their feet wouldn't show. The cloak wasn't exactly meant for two people unless they were short. First to fourth years short. Tonks watched Harry out of the corner of her eye as he hobbled along to the seventh floor. She stifled her laughter. He looked completely ridiculous.

"Why do you push yourself like this?" she whispered.

Harry glared at her. "Well two people weren't exactly meant to-"

"Not what I meant," Tonks interrupted with a quiet laugh. She realized that she hadn't really phrased the question very descriptively. "I meant why do you work so hard? You never take a break."

"Oh." harry sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "You would do the same thing in my position."

"You-Know-Who isn't going to attack you here in the castle! You're safe."

"Tonks, I don't fucking care about Voldemort right now! I just want some answers!"

"To what?"

Harry squeezed his eyes shut. Why did she ask so many fucking questions? Luckily they'd gotten to the room of requirement. He slid out from underneath the cloak and paced back and forth three times. No door appeared. He tried again. Nothing.

"Fuck you door." he muttered. Turning to Tonks he said, "Someone must be in there. Let's go find somewhere else."

_Dudley unknowingly ran straight for a dementor… Number Twelve appeared before his very eyes… he sat in detention with Umbridge and her fucking torture quill..._

_Stop_, he told himself. _Clear your fucking mind Potter. These are your memories. Nobody has the right to see them. Concentrate!_

There was a silver rope, pulling at what appeared to be a battered scrapbook. At first Harry felt only confusion. Then he saw the bookshelves that lined the walls of this strange room he had appeared in. These must be his memories. The rope-like thing somehow opened the book and an image swirled in front of him of Sirius falling back through the veil of death. Before that memory took hold, Harry did the first thing he thought of. He grabbed the rope and pulled. It snapped easily in his hands.

Harry found himself back in the classroom he and Tonks had chosen for the lesson. Tonks rubbed her head with a somewhat pained expression, but she was smiling. Harry realized that he'd done it. Finally thrown her from his mind. He wasn't sure how the fuck it happened, but it did.

"Nice job, Potter." she told him. "But you've got to be quicker than that."

Harry nodded. That much was obvious. But he still couldn't stop smiling. Then Tonks grabbed his hand and held it up in front of her. Oh yeah, the Umbridge detentions were one of the memories she'd seen. Shit.

"Fucking bitch," she hissed, all happiness gone in an instant. "Fucked up in the head!"

Harry looked at her, surprised. He never heard her sound so venomous. Angry, yes. But this was a different kind of angry. He furrowed his eyebrows as she stared at the scar. At least it wasn't with admiration at the one on his head. "You alright?" he asked, causing Tonks to look up sharply. She looked unsure, as though she didn't want to say. "Come on Tonks. Did she do something to you?"

Her grip on his hand tightened almost painfully for a moment as fire burned in her eyes. Then she slowly let go of his hand, for which he was grateful. "It happened when I was eighteen, first starting out as an auror trainee. I was late and I was running. You've seen how busy the ministry can get. I bumped into her. Hardly even nudged her actually and she made this huge fucking deal, tearing into me in the middle of the lobby. Humiliating me. I said some things I shouldn't have and ended up in her office with that quill. Never told anyone."

She held up her right hand and Harry peered closer at it. "I must not talk back," he read. Tonks watched as red bled into green. _Crimson and Clover, over and over_. Harry looked at Tonks, eyes burning with some strange determination. "Let's make a pact," he said, holding out his scarred hand. "Let's get back at the fucking toad."

Tonks stared at his hand before taking it in her own. They shook. "you know one of the things I did to get this scar was call her a toad."

A/N: Yup. I have found a general direction for this story. About fuckin time right? So I should be updating once or twice every weekend, ya know. Type it up on the old iPod and upload it on the weekends when I go to my grandparents. Sad that they have Internet and I don't. Oh, and Crimson and clover is a song and I don't own it, but you should all go ahead and listen to it.

10/23/11


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry potter

A/N: thanks for the reviews.

Chapter 11:

_November 3, Tuesday. 9:33 PM. Room of requirement._

Harry dodged an electric blue beam of light that his mentor shot at him. It was an extremely dark curse, one that would cause the caster to be arrested on the spot if the ministry found out. If hit by it, one's organs would begin to swell until they burst, killing the victim in an extremely painful manner unless one performed the counter curse immediately. Needless to say, Harry avoided it like the plague. Being hit by it once was enough.

This was the way many training sessions went. It helped Motivate Harry to learn what curses were what, the counter curses for each, whether it would be best to shield or dodge, and what shields to use. He also learned how to cast them, something he didn't really enjoy. It made the voice in his head more active than normal and it made him feel darker. The voice claimed that it was power. Harry claimed that he was going nuts.

He dodged a blood-boiling curse, not willing to trust a shield with that one. One of the many things that Moody taught him was that shields were breakable. A particularly strong spell could shatter one and if that happened you were in some deep shit. Once again, Harry learned the hard way.

Finally the curses stopped coming. Harry didn't let down his guard. Moody had a habit of pretending to stop. Next thing Harry knew, he would be on the ground, bound by chains with air hard to come by. Not this time though. He kept his wand leveled at moody who was panting heavily. "I'm getting too old to be dealing with brats like you," the old wizard grunted. Harry just smirked. He'd begun to read his mentor and knew that he was actually… well pleased might be a bit strong of a word but that's what Harry like to think. "That's enough for tonight."

"What?" Harry asked, letting his wand fall to his side. "It's only been two hours though!" Usually they would go on for another hour at least. Sometimes more.

"And you're exhausted due to your lack of sleep." Moody growled. "Face the nightmares, Potter, and they'll go away."

_Doubt it._ "Fine. See you Thursday, sir."

Harry trudged back to the common room. Maybe Mad-eye was correct in saying that he should just face the nightmares. Maybe then they would stop plaguing his sleep. Then again, very few of his nightmares were normal. Maybe twenty percent of them. Most were with Voldemort or Dark Harry. He really didn't know what else to call the red eyed version of himself. He doubted that those would just stop coming. Maybe once he really got the hang of occlumency which he was still having trouble with. It was still hard for him to reach that room with all of the scrapbooks. He didn't know how he did it the first time. It just happened.

The common room was bustling with activity, a game of exploding snap was going on in a far corner, a few younger students were practicing spells in another. Ron and Lavender were dozing off in an armchair. Harry was still shocked at Gryffindor's newest couple which had started after the Quidditch match against the Slytherins. He went over to sit by Hermione who was helping Dean and Parvati with the defense assignment. Fucking Snape and his long ass papers.

"You're back early," she commented. Dean and Parvati both looked up, hoping to find out where Harry constantly went, but Harry just nodded. "Good, you can help them with the assignment."

Harry leaned back into the cushions. "You've got it covered." he beamed innocently before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it with his wand. "I would just get in the way."

Hermione glared at him and the cigarette hanging from his mouth. "I don't know where you're getting those things, though I have got a pretty good guess, but if you are going to insist that you keep it up, go by the window or outside!"

Harry looked over to the nearest window. It was still so far away. _Fuck_. He stood with a low groan and walked over to the window, opening it a crack. At least this way Hermione wasn't on his ass about smoking. He glanced around the room again. He noticed Katie and Ginny working together over the playbook. That was supposed to be his job as captain, not Ginny's. Fuck, did he need to make some sort of planner. He doubted that he would even follow it though.

He took a closer look at those younger students who were practicing spells. They were second years and they weren't just practicing regular spells. "Expelliarmus!" the boy shouted, having no effect. Harry crushed out his cigarette, put it in his pocket for later, and shut the window. It could wait for later. He moved over to where the kids were practicing and kneeled down on one knee next to the boy.

"Your wand movements are off," Harry told him and the kid jumped, looking up with wide eyes.

"What?"

Harry smiled. "Hold on, I'll show you." he looked around and saw several people watching. What was so interesting? Tonks walked in at that moment, coming from who knew where. She stopped in her tracks, trying to find out what people were looking at. Harry grinned and got to his feet. "Erin, get over here for a minute!"

Tonks looked from Harry to the kids questioningly as she walked over to them. "What are you doing?"

Harry didn't answer right away. Instead he turned to the boy. "What's your name?"

For a moment, the boy just gaped. The Chosen One asking for his name! Then he said brightly, "I'm Tyler. She's Elisa." he pointed to the girl.

Harry nodded. "T-Erin stand over by Elisa. I'm going to disarm you to show Tyler the wand movement. Then you do the same."

"Sure," Tonks said, looking a bit surprised. Harry never stopped to help the younger students. Why was he now? "Go for it when you're ready."

"Pay attention," he said to Tyler. He raised his wand and flicked it in a counter-clockwise circle and up, slower than he normally would. It was still effective and Tonks' wand sailed into his hand. He twirled it, tossed it back to Tonks and looked at Tyler. "You get that?"

"I think so."

Harry nodded. "Alright Erin, your turn." a second later his wand was torn from his hands. She twirled it just as Harry had done and tossed it back. Elisa looked amazed. Harry thought back to when he was twelve. How different he'd been, more serious than these kids. And there hadn't even been a war back then. He shook his head. "Alright, you two try it out."

Harry and Tonks stood off to the side as the kids faced each other. Tyler went first, calling out the incantation and waving his hand. Elisa's wand wiggled but that was it. This time Harry saw why. There was a reluctance in Tyler's eyes that Harry remembered seeing in a few people during the DA practices. He approached the twelve year old and kneeled down, words from Dark Harry forming in his mind.

"Magic is a force of willpower. You have to really want it to happen for it to work. That's your only problem here. You_ aren't_ going to hurt her."

Tyler didn't look convinced, glancing at Elisa who was standing next to Tonks. Both looked at the boys questioningly. "What if something bad happens? What if I do something wrong?"

Harry smiled. It was a gentle smile that few people ever saw. But this time the whole common room did. He didn't even notice. "Elisa, come over here," he said and she did. "Both of you sit down." Once again, they did. It felt like story time at school when Harry was young. Except this was going to be more serious than telling a bunch of nonsense stories about princesses in castles. There were no happy endings like they always had when it came to real life. He regarded the two of them carefully, trying to figure something out. They were only kids, so why were they trying to learn fighting spells? Did they think they had to fight in the war? What went through their minds? He just stared at them. Then something clicked and a sad expression came over his face.

"Your families, they're muggles." the two nodded. Now he got it. "You want to be able to protect them." _They're just kids!_

_And this is war. Surely you know that better than most. You killed a fucking giant, petrifying snake at their age._

_Shut the fuck up._

_Come now…_

"They won't be able to defend themselves against the bad wizards," Tyler said quietly. Harry hardly heard him.

Harry sighed, feeling depressed. He leaned back onto the palms of his hands. Now he had to reassure these kids with lies that their parents would be safe. And what if something did happen? He couldn't lie to them. This was war and everyone, no matter how young they were, should have the right to know what the fuck could happen. Especially the muggleborns whose parents wouldn't be able to explain it. Even wizarding Parents who felt like the war was too harsh of a thing to talk about with their kids were not doing them any favors. Mrs. Weasley was a perfect example of this. He sighed and rubbed his eyes under his glasses.

"Hopefully, none of you will ever have to take part in this war, but the chances of that happening are slim for some of us." he said, his voice ringing out through the silence. It was suddenly obvious that everyone was listening. "I know it's a scary thing to think about, but war is dangerous for everyone."

"Harry," Hermione said in a warning voice. Tonks sat down suddenly next to her and shook her head. "Let him talk," she whispered. Hermione narrowed her eyes but nodded slowly.

"But everyone here has a choice whether or not to fight, even those who have lost someone to the war." Harry continued, wishing that he never helped the kids in the first place. He looked around at the sad faces of those thinking about people they lost to the war or their friends who lost someone. "All of you could just go into hiding. Leave the war to the aurors or to those who may choose to fight. Wait for the war to pass over." He looked meaningfully at Hermione and then Ron when he said this. It wasn't there fight!

"How long will that be?" Someone called out, a fourth year boy whom Harry did not know the name of.

"How should I know?" Harry replied.

_You are great at reassuring people. Inspirational speaker you are._

_SHUT UP!_

Harry closed his eyes in pain as he felt as though a hammer was beating him in the head. Dark Harry didn't like being yelled at, yet he provoked Harry to do it. Fuck him. "War is unpredictable." he said. "Our instincts seem to insist on violence, one of the causes of this war. That and racism. The death eaters do not care about causing pain or killing. That's why for those of us who fight, our own survival depends on the death of another."

_You're quoting me again._

There were frightened looks from those around the common room at Harry's words. He had to close his eyes, not liking the fear he put in them. But they had to know those things. He opened his eyes and looked at the two kids before him. Their eyes were wide as a house-elf's. He gave them another one of his gentle smiles.

"Don't worry about your families. There are forces out there that will protect them."

_Like they did Hannah's?_

_I hate you._

"Have hope," he said. "And keep practicing."

He left everyone hanging on the edges of their seats, them all wishing he'd said more. No such luck. Harry'd had enough for one night. _So much depression_. But he hoped he'd gotten through to some people. War was scary, yes, it was unpredictable and dangerous. But they needed to have hope. Everyone had their own choices to make about the war: whether they would fight or run. Talk with their parents or just stay quiet and accept. Train or let it all go down when the time came.

Harry crawled into bed, thinking about his speech. It would be all over school the next day.

**A/N: One sappy ass and very short chapter that I hate with a passion. Don't know why the fuck I included it but I did and now you're all stuck with it till next week probably. Aren't I just evil? Maybe I wrote it to show that Harry really is changing and to show how he interacts with his 'darker self'. Or maybe its just fucking pointless. Hm, I thought I had a plan for this story. Well, hopefully chapter twelve will be better.**

**10/29/11 My grandmother is currently at war with fruit flies and its hilarious.**


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Chapter 12:

Harry stormed into the common room, coming from his first lesson with Dumbledore. And it was a load of fucking shit! Memories! How the fuck would memories help him. He did not care about the Gaunt family. He did not care that Merope Gaunt was Voldemort's mother or that she came from a pureblood family. None of that would help him when it came to Voldemort! He thought Dumbledore was going to train him, give him advice, help him defeat Riddle! _Memories!_

Harry had successfully begun blocking his mind from Tonks two weeks prior after she stumbled upon one of his darkest memories. Himself torturing Lestrange in the Ministry of Magic. After she saw that Harry realized that he just couldn't have her or anyone else looking at his thoughts like that, intruding in his mind. Something in him just snapped. He sought out the room with the scrapbooks of his memories and found that same silvery rope. After that he could do it every time.

But now he had to question whether or not it was even worth it. Occlumency was probably a lot more useful than these stupid memories that the old man said were all so important. That man was fucking losing it! He let out an angry snarl as he paced in front of Ron and Hermione. They just watched worriedly, waiting for him to explain and to stop his Italian muttering. They watched even more fearfully as his eyes turned a deep red.

"_Memories!_" He suddenly spat and his friends jumped. "That's what our so called 'training' is! How will that help? Are memories the power he knows not? I don't fucking think so!" those few students left in the room looked up curiously. Harry snarled angrily at them and they scattered up to the dorms, reluctant to get on his bad side.

—-—-—

Tonks walked in, returning from the meeting she had with Mad-eye. She looked at Harry, then at Ron and Hermione who were practically trying to push themselves into the couch. Her eyes narrowed, training on Harry. His eyes were blood red. What the fuck had happened now? Tonks quickly moved over to them, grabbed Harry's arm and sat him into a chair forcefully. He growled at her.

"Harry, you need to calm down!" she told him. She hated when this happened. Whenever he got mad, which happened frequently though it was rarely like this, something in him changed and he became someone nobody knew. It had only been this bad once that she knew of, after the occlumency incident where she saw him and Bellatrix. They hadn't exactly had a conversation since.

Harry glared at her but said not a word. Tonks looked at Hermione. Ron just looked too shocked to actually say a word as to what was going on and Hermione seemed to be a better choice at the moment. "What's got him worked up?"

"His lessons with the headmaster aren't exactly what he hoped they'd be."

Tonks closed her eyes. What to do? Why did he have to keep doing this? His eyes constantly had red rings in them these days. He didn't tell her or anyone why. She wasn't even sure he himself knew what was going on. Dumbledore and his fucking secrets. Tonks opened her eyes again. Harry still glared at her with blood red eyes. She shivered. That was fucking scary.

"What should we do?" Hermione whispered. Tonks regarded Harry carefully for a moment. Then she slapped him. Hard. His head snapped to the side violently and he just stayed like that. Then his head turned slowly to face her. Still red. Damn.

"What. The fuck. Was that?" he growled out. It almost seemed like a scene from a movie and a small part of Tonks wanted to laugh. Just a small part. The rest of her was torn between running for her fucking life and trying to get Harry to snap out of it.

"I don't know." she answered his question. Glancing at Ron and Hermione she muttered, "You two go. I'll stay here and do what I can."

"But—"

Tonks cut Ron off with a glare. That was all it took. Soon she and Harry were alone. Still the same glare. Tonks sighed. "You'll thank me for this one day." she closed her fist and drew it back. _Sorry kiddo_. She threw her fist forward. Just before her fist connected, Harry's eyes flashed green. Too late.

"THE FUCK!" he shouted clutching his jaw. He glared at Tonks who looked like she either wanted to laugh or to apologize. "Tonks!"

"Shh!" she hissed, glancing around. Nobody was there. "Look, I had to find some way to snap you out of it."

Harry nodded slowly, rubbing his sore jaw. "Fine. Night, Erin."

Tonks gaped at his retreating form as he moved toward the stairs. That was it? Night Erin? "You aren't going to tell me what the fuck just happened?"

"No."

—-—-

Harry paused outside of the dormitory. Did he really want to sleep in there tonight after what just happened? His dark side had taken control while his guard was down. And it fucking sucked.

_She's got a nice punch._

Harry glared at the door, pretending it was Mr. Red-eyes. _You shut up._

_Don't be sour. You told me you wanted control back. I gave it to you._

Harry scowled. _Don't be in a good mood_. He slowly opened the door. Everyone was asleep. Not even bothering to change he crawled under his blankets, drew the edge over his eyes and attempted to sleep.

•••

Harry did not sleep. He listened to the voice in his head for hours, struggling to keep up with the mood swings. Mostly it would be making fun of him. Then it was burst out screaming, giving Harry headaches. It just never stopped! Constant.

_I can stop her from ever hurting anyone again. Just let me out and you'll see. She won't be able to stop me_. Those words echoed through his mind and Harry clutched his head.

_You're a fucking monster!_

_What does that make you?_

Around seven in the morning Harry finally dragged his ass out of bed and changed into his Quidditch robes. Practice today. Harry listened to Ron's snores for a moment before going over to his bed and ripping the blankets away.

"Get up." he whispered, shaking Ron's shoulder. It was the only way to get him up. "Let's go! Practice!"

Once Ron was sort of awake Harry went down to the common room. Jimmy and Katie were the only ones there. That's how it usually went, though sometimes Tonks would be down there. Not this morning, for which Harry was grateful. How could he face her after last night? Losing control because his lessons were a load of shit. What would happen if something really bad happened? He didn't think he would be able to stay in control then if it was this hard now.

"Hey, you didn't forget this time!" Katie laughed at Harry when she saw him moving stiffly down the stairs.

Harry rolled his eyes. "I'm late for practice once…"

"Well you're certainly no Wood or Angelina!" she smiled. "And I'm not complaining about that, though I still don't like the running thing."

The rest of the team joined them, all looking groggy and irritated. Harry parted with them in the entrance hall, offering to pick up some breakfast from the kitchens. He did this for them nearly every Saturday since they wouldn't even be back for lunch. So Harry asked the elves to have a breakfast prepared for them each Saturday morning. It worked for the entire team. He went to the kitchens where he was greeted by an excited house elf.

"Dobby has Harry Potter's breakfast!" Dobby informed him loudly.

_Tell that thing to shut up._

"Thanks Dobby." Harry said, ignoring the voice. Not feeling up to the large, steaming breakfast that was in the basket, Harry grabbed an apple. That would work for him. Saying goodbye to the elf, he left.

The team was still running. Good. He looked at his co-captain Katie who was across the pitch. She held up three fingers telling him what lap everyone was on. Harry squinted for a few moments before going to the stands to wait. Wouldn't be long. He grabbed his apple, turning it over in his hands. He wasn't feeling hungry enough to even finish it.

"You alright to practice?" Katie asked, panting as she and the rest of the team approached. "You look awfully pale. Did you sleep at all?"

Harry stood finishing off his apple and tossing the core to the side. "I'm fine," he mumbled, refusing to look at Ron. He didn't even want to look at his friend after flipping out last night. He left the stands and began to run, skipping the oh so important stretches.

Harry watched the team play with his absolute dismay written all over his face. It must've been some sort of miracle that they beat the snakes. Coote and Peakes didn't have the communication that the twins did. Harry moved slightly to the side as a bludger whizzed by his ear. Ron was letting in all kinds of goals that normally should have been easy. He watched Demelza miss an easy pass from Ginny. He was a failure as a captain. The giggling girls in the stands weren't making it easier.

His eye twitched as someone let out a loud peal of laughter. Ritchie swung the bat at a bludger and missed at the same time and Katie fumbled with the quaffle. "That is it!" he shouted. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at him. He was lighting a cigarette with his wand. "Time out!" everyone flew to the ground and as soon as Harry's feet touched the snow covered earth he stalked toward the stands. "Alright, all of you have to leave!"

"Why?" Romilda Vane asked innocently. Harry's eye twitched again.

"We are trying to practice and you're all distracting my team. I've put up with it for three months now and I'm sick of it! Not a single one of you has a reason to be here in the first place!"

"Harry, we've got trouble," Ginny interrupted his rant. Harry turned around and followed her gaze to where 7 figures in green were walking across the pitch. Harry groaned and jumped out of the stands back to the ground. This was turning out to be a shitty day and it was about to get worse. "Can't get a fucking break!" he met the Slytherin's in the middle of the pitch with his team close behind. He glared at Malfoy who was looking paler than normal. "Why are you here?" he asked around his cigarette.

Malfoy smirked and held up a piece of parchment between his fingers. "We've been given permission to use the pitch today."

A flashback from second year caused another growl to rumble in Harry's throat. He was in no mood for this today. He ripped the not from Malfoy's hands and read ,"I, Professor Snape give the Slytherin Quidditch team permission..." Harry stopped reading and crumpled the note in his hand. Malfoy had a satisfied smirk in place.

_Let me punch it off._

"Maybe we should just let them," Ginny said. "They could use all the practice they can get."

"You little—"

Ron cut Malfoy off moving, slightly in front of his sister, being that over-protective brother that gave Dean the evil eye every time he and Ginny snogged in the common room. "Watch what you say, Malfoy."

Harry looked at Ron, nodding for him to back off a bit. He'd give the Slytherins one last chance to get the hell out of there. He missed Ron's eyes widen, turning back to the snakes, not willing to have his back to them for too long. "Take your team and fuck off."

"Oooh! Potty's got a potty mouth!"

"Really?" Katie laughed. "That's just pathetic!"

"Malfoy's losing his steam." Ron added. "Can't come up with anything else!"

Harry tilted his head at Malfoy whose face grew even paler for some reason. "Well calling his father is out of the question." Ritchie snorted with laughter though everyone else began looking a little nervous. "Ask your old man how Azkaban is for me. I would absolutely hate it if he wasn't having the time of his life!"

"Harry…" now Run sounded warning. Harry paid no attention to him, grinning at a now pink with anger Malfoy. It felt good to tell the dick off a bit.

"My father will be out before you know it!" Malfoy hissed. There was fear and anger in his eyes. What did he have to fear?

"I'm sure he will with a little help from his master! How is he by the way?" the intensity of the fear grew in Malfoy's eyes and Harry chuckled. He'd known that the ferret had been to see Voldemort. How could everyone be so stupid as to think otherwise? His voice dropped so that only Malfoy would hear him. These words were not for anyone else. "Was it what you expected? Did you watch as innocent families were killed and tortured? Did it give you thrills? Or was it you he tortured, held under the cruciatus? Hurts, doesn't it?"

A wand was pressed into his throat. Harry kept on grinning. "Watch what you say to me, Potter!" Malfoy snarled. The other Slytherins cheered him on while the Gryffindors got ready for a fight.

"Put the wand away before you hurt yourself." Harry told him. "Or throw a curse at me and see how it turns out." he motioned with his hand for the team to stand back. Ron, knowing That Harry knew more about fighting than any of them and probably (hopefully) knew what he was doing, immediately stepped back. The team followed his example, though very reluctantly.

Malfoy was breathing heavily with anger. Harry wasn't sure whether he would do anything or not. There was a look in his eyes that seemed to tell Harry that the blonde idiot was just as unstable as himself. Harry slowly inched for his wand in the waist of his pants. But Malfoy swished his wand in a movement Harry recognized as a cutting curse. He hit the ground before it hit and rolled to the side, pulling out his own wand. That could've cut his head off!

"What the fuck are you playing at?" Harry snarled. Stunners and binding curses he could understand. He shot chains from his wand rather than the ropes that most used and they wrapped around Malfoy's body. Goyle came at him swinging a beaters bat. Harry stepped to the side and Goyle lurched forward awkwardly as he missed. Harry grabbed Goyle's wrist and bent it back making the larger boy let go of the bat as he grunted with pain. Harry grabbed it and used it to block Crabbe's own strike like he was back sword fighting with Moody. These idiots were trying to fucking kill him! A beater's bat to the head sure as hell wouldn't feel like a massage.

_YEAH! LET ME LOOSE AND I'LL MAKE THEM PAY! _the voice in his head cried in pure joy. Harry's head began to clear, though he hadn't even realized how foggy it had been until red-eyes said that. What the hell was he doing?

_No._

"Harry look out!"

Too late Ron. One of the Slytherins managed to get a bat off of Jimmy while Harry was still occupied with Crabbe. He watched it in slow motion at it slammed into his own ribs will a sickening crunch. Harry dropped the bat and fell to his knees, clutching his side. The Slytherins all laughed as they released Malfoy from the chains.

_Nice one shit head._

"You just wait!" Harry gasped out angrily as Ritchie and Ron began to haul him painfully away. Harry began to shout. "You won't be so strong without your little ass kissing cock-sucking lackeys!" He hollered. Fuck Italian. He wanted Malfoy to know what he was saying. "Tell your master the same fucking thing! I'm sure he'd fucking love it, maybe give you another dose of pain! Maybe he'll break your father out of prison so he could do it! Not like ol' pappy hasn't done it before!"

"Harry that's enough!" Katie told him sternly. They were out of the pitch now. Hopefully Malfoy heard every word. She peered closely at him before taking a quick step back. "What's with your eyes?"

_Oh merlin's hairy balls_, Harry thought. He decided on not answering that and brushed away from Ron and Ritchie. Their help wasn't needed, not unless they could make red-eyes go away. He grabbed his broom and mounted it. Flying to the castle would be easier than walking. Less painful. He tapped Rapidly on a window which was opened by Dean. His feet touched the floor and he shouldered his broom. Had to act like he wasn't in a shit ton of pain while everyone was watching.

"You're back early," Hermione commented. "What happened."

"Ask the others. I need a shower."

Harry made for the stairs, clutching his side but was intercepted by Tonks. "I need to talk to you."

"Not now," he muttered. He still felt awkward around her after she saw him torturing Bellatrix. She probably thought he was turning into some dark wizard. He brushed by her and went up the stairs.

Tonks clenched her fists staring after him. She was getting sick of his shit. And she really did need to talk to him. An evil smile twisted its way onto her face as a plan began to form in her head. Yesss.

•••

Harry stared at the note on his bed in disbelief. _I got the idea from Snuffles_. All of his clothes were gone, as were the rest of his roommates' clothes. He stood there, dripping wet with a towel wrapped around his waist. It wasn't hard to figure out who did this.

"ERIN!"

He ran out of the dormitory and down the stairs, swearing horribly in Italian. Hermione would have had a heart attack if it had been in English. He stopped on the last step. Every head in the common room, 97 percent of Gryffindor, looked up. Harry saw Tonks, grinning like mad and holding a large sack. He went for his wand but it was in his bedroom. Merda.

"Give. Me. My. Clothes." he growled, his chest heaving with a mixture of anger and pain.

"Mmmm, no."

She ran. Harry tore after her, out into the corridor. The Fat Lady gasped and Harry heard her muttering about sexually driven teenagers as he chased Tonks. Why did she do this to him? Why cause him the vast amount of pain he was in and the embarrassment that would come later. He chased her up the stairs, air getting harder to come by. He called out, pleading for her to give him his clothes. She just laughed over her shoulder.

And then she tripped. So very like her to do that, and so very convenient for Harry. Seeing his chance, Harry quickened his pace and managed to grab her shirt just as she began to continue running. They both fell because of the sudden stop. Harry clutched his towel even tighter with one hand and his side with the other as he groaned with pain. Well this certainly wasn't helping his broken ribs. He got to his feet and grabbed the sack of clothes. "What the fuck was that about!"

"I needed to talk to you but you've been ignoring me. Also," she pressed her hand hard into his side and he doubled over in pain. "I heard about practice. You should have gone to the hospital wing, but no, you end up having to chase me and then fall down instead."

Harry looked around. Portraits were staring curiously at them and pointing. This was also a frequently used hall. It wasn't a good place to have what would be a very long discussion. "Let's go somewhere else."

Harry gave up in trying to pull his shirt over his head. Thanks to Tonks making him run he was in more pain than before. All he really wanted was to lie down, maybe even go to the hospital wing and have Madame Pomfrey heal it. But he did not want to talk to Tonks. She probably wanted to talk to him about the memory of attempted torture. Fuck that. He tossed the shirt over the side of the screen he was changing behind and zippered his jeans instead. Even that left him breathing heavily. He grabbed his belt and began putting it through the loops of his jeans. "Are you going to tell Mad-eye?"

"About what? How practice went?"

"Yeah." Harry leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. _Please say no._ Moody would kick his ass if he found out Harry lost his temper like heart did.

"I'm not that heartless." she said and Harry could tell that she was smiling. "As long as you tell me something. Three things actually." Harry groaned. "One: what the hell is taking you so long. You're worse than a woman."

Harry blushed. He really didn't want to say. "I Uh, can't really get my shirt on." Tonks burst out laughing and Harry scowled. "How is that funny?"

"I'm sorry," she said not sounding sorry at all. "Are you decent?"

"Yeah."

Tonks appeared around the screen still smiling. Harry still had the scowl on his face. "Want some help?" Harry nodded reluctantly and Tonks grabbed his shirt. "Now for my second question. What did you say to Malfoy?"

"I asked him how his meeting with Voldemort went. How the cruciatus felt. If he watched other death eaters at work and if he joined in."

Tonks sighed. "You're still on that?"

Harry put his head through the shirt and glared at her. "I know he's one of them Tonks."

"What evidence have you got?"

"You didn't see his face when I asked him about Voldemort!" Harry growled.

"Maybe he saw your eyes and it freaked him out!"

Harry shook his head. Tonks just didn't get it. Neither did Ron or Hermione though. They just didn't believe him for some reason. They always said that it was a crazy idea that Voldemort would make a teenager a death eater. Harry thought differently. He thought that was exactly what Voldemort would do. The crazy shit was already recruiting all kinds of people according to Tonks. "What's your third question?" he asked, somehow managing to get his arm through with the help of Tonks. He had a feeling he wouldn't like the next question.

"What the hell is up with you these days?"

He was right. Looking to the door he found that he would never make it there before Tonks tackled him. Normally he would have gone for it anyway, but right now it didn't exactly seem like an appealing idea. Harry looked at her intense gaze. She seemed curious, but also worried. "Any chance I don't have to answer that?"

"None."

Harry ran a hand through his hair before walking around the screen and heading to a couch. Tonks followed. What could he tell her?

_The truth?_

_I might if I knew what it was! But you won't tell me and neither will the old man!_

_Just tell her you're fucking insane then._

_That's partly the truth. Or it will be soon._

"Harry?"

He looked at Tonks, realizing that he'd been silent for a while now. She was waiting for an answer and watching him argue with some voice in his head. "I'm sorry, Tonks. But there's nothing to say."

_That's believable._

"You must think I'm pretty damn stupid," Tonks said with a short breath of humorless laughter. Harry looked down. "Something is obviously going on. I walked into the common room last night to find you ranting to Ron and Hermione, scaring the living hell out of both of them! Your eyes were red and you wouldn't snap out of it! Everyone's worried about you, especially after today. I won't tell anyone anything. Just tell _me_ what's going on!"

"I don't know what's happening!" Harry shouted suddenly making her eyes widen slightly in shock. "I get angry and my brain starts to go foggy. I don't know what I'm doing or saying! There is a voice in my head, constantly talking to me, telling me to just let loose and let everyone who's ever done me wrong have it. Hurt them. Like Bellatrix only this time actually succeed in casting the curse. Either that or he's a sarcastic asshole! Dumbledore won't tell me what the fuck he is and neither will he! I feel like I'm losing it!"

_That's it just let it all out._

Harry clutched his head. "SHUT UP!" he shouted, forgetting to do it in his head. Oh he was fucking losing it. Why did Tonks put him in this position? Was she trying to make him lose his mind faster than he already was?

"You aren't crazy," Tonks told him, wrapping her arms around him comfortingly. Like a good friend would for another friend in a time like this. "Now Mad-eye, he lost it a long time ago. But you're sane."

"You're just trying to make me feel better." he muttered, not able to keep a small smile from his lips. Mad-eye _was_ pretty crazy. "Because I am far from sane."

They sat there for a long time, not ready to return to the common room where Harry would have to face his peers again. He learned two things in this time; that Tonks didn't care that he tried to torture Bellatrix. It had been done in a moment where he hadn't been thinking straight. After she had awoken in St. Mungo's and learned what happened, she had wanted to do the same thing. He also learned that Moody had left. Dumbledore sent him on an important secret mission which meant no more training. This greatly pissed Harry off. Tonks had to calm him down again.

There was actually one more thing Harry learned, this one about himself. He was fucking scared. Scared of himself, of the voice in his head, of what might happen to him in the future.

**A/N: this one took me a while. Yet here it is, longer than normal. And we learn more and more about Harry each chapter. In this chapter we learned that he was having a really bad day.**

**11-5-11**


	13. Chapter 13

**Guess who got a laptop! Yup, that's me. No more typing on the iPod. Yessssssss. Oh and from this chapter on, most of the events that take place will not be in the same order they were in the book. And finally an answer to the question I've gotten twenty times, it will be a Harry/Tonks story. **_**Eventually.**_

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Chapter 13:

Horcruxes. So that's what kept Voldemort alive. That's what Harry learned in his most recent lesson with Dumbledore. He'd shown Harry a false memory of a young Tom Riddle, maybe the same age that Harry currently was, asking Slughorn about them. When Dumbledore told Harry that the memory had been modified, which was plainly obvious as Slughorn had done a terrible job, it became apparent that Slughorn had told Riddle exactly what a horcrux was.

Though Harry did not understand why they needed to see the latest memory when Dumbledore already knew what a horcrux was, as did Harry thanks to the book from the secret library, he finally did understand why the memories were so important. Seeing Riddle's past as he grew up, watching him become the wizard he was would give them insight as to what type of object Voldemort would possibly use for these Horcruxes.

But how many were there? What could they even be for that matter? Dumbledore might have a few ideas considering all the research that the man had been doing for so many years, since Riddle had still been in school actually. But the old man knew many things, one of them being how to keep his secrets.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxx

December 12th. Charms Class.

Harry wasn't listening to Flitwick's squeaky voice, easily tuning it out, and he wasn't listening to Ron's hushed whispers, something about going to the Burrow for Christmas. Too much was on his mind for any of that, not to mention the constant chatter of Red-eyes. He seemed to be in a good mood today which put Harry into a bad one. Then there was Hermione on his right, still not speaking to Ron after three weeks since he'd made impressions of her excitedly answering questions in Transfiguration.

_Just smack the both of them already. I know you want to._

That was the truth. But this guy wasn't allowed to know that._ No I don't._

Harry heard a slightly annoyed sigh and smirked. For once the sides were switched and Harry wasn't the one getting annoyed. _When are you going to acknowledge that I happen to know more about you than you do? Me, who spends every day, every second in the black hole you call a mind?_

_Except when you're trying to beat the shit out of someone_, Harry shot back as he thought about Malfoy on the quidditch pitch. Since then Harry had been successful at keeping red-eyes under control. Hell, he even meditated every night just so that he could keep himself calm throughout the day when his peers began to get under her skin. Like the fact that Romilda Vane was trying to slip him a love potion. Why in the hell would she keep on trying after he specifically told her that he wasn't interested? He just tossed the most likely tainted chocolate cauldrons in his trunk. Ron and Hermione's current argument also certainly wasn't helping him and neither was the fact that Hermione was pissed at him for continuing with his use of the Half-Blood Prince's potion book.

_We both know you wanted to take Malfoy down a few pegs too._

_Yes there is no way to deny that one, but all we got out of it were three broken ribs and an angry Madame Pomfrey. Malfoy only got wrapped up in chains._

_Maybe they were a little tighter than they should have been_, red-eyes said slyly.

"Class Dismissed," Flitwick's voice rang through Harry's thoughts and cut off his conversation. Class was over already? Harry looked down at his blank sheet of parchment which he was supposed to take notes on. _Merda_. With a sigh, he stuffed it back into his school bag and followed Ron, Tonks and Hermione out of the room.

"You didn't get a single word the entire class did you?" Tonks asked as he took his place between her and Ron.

"Er… I know that we might be going to the burrow for Christmas," Harry said sheepishly.

Tonks laughed. "I'll take that as a no."

"Maybe you should just skip transfiguration," Hermione suggested, sounding as though it pained her to say it. It probably did too Harry thought, remembering how in first year she'd implied that it would be worse to be expelled than killed. Good times.

"Hermione, that is something I never expected you to say," Harry remarked, looking around Tonks to see Hermione's flushed face.

"Well Flitwick was one thing, but McGonagall is another thing entirely. It'll be better for you just to go and rest for a while rather than get detention. We'll just tell her that you're in the infirmary not feeling well. I'll let you copy my notes from Flitwick's later."

Harry moved around Tonks to Hermione's side and put an arm around her shoulders, giving her a small squeeze and a smile. "Your reasoning is not something to argue with. I'll do just that and get some rest."

Hermione nodded and gave his arm a pat, avoided the glares she was getting from some other girls. Harry saw them too, but was used to any girl he walked with getting those same looks. Tonks had gotten them, as had Ginny, Demelza, Katie, and even Parvati. Harry didn't think any of them would try anything and Hermione was one of his best friends so why shouldn't he walk with her?

_Because she'll be a target._

_Shut up, don't make me think like that._

_It true though._ He sounded taunting, and though Harry couldn't see him, he knew that there would be a spiteful gleam in his red eyes.

_Fuck you._ Harry dropped his arm back to his side. "I'll see you later." He glanced at Tonks and grinned. She didn't look too excited at being stuck with Ron and Hermione for the next class. In fact, she was glaring rather angrily at him. "Good luck," he mouthed before heading off in the opposite direction.

"Get some homework done!" Hermione called after him.

"Right," Harry mumbled. Like that would happen.

Though the common room was more or less empty, Harry headed right for the dormitories. There would be more peace there since his roommates all knew not to disturb him if the curtains around his bed were closed. It either meant that he was finally sleeping or that he was awake and not wanting to be bothered. Harry closed the curtains and sat there in the darkness for a few moments. Then he took a cigarette from his pack and lit it up. There was an ashtray on his nightstand so he also grabbed that before lying down.

The air was still, creating chains of smoke collecting in the enclosed space. They looked pretty cool too. Almost what Harry once thought ghosts looked like. He remembered once watching his uncle smoke a cigar when he was younger and pretending that the smoke were ghosts. He remembered hoping that the ghosts would somehow scare his uncle away so that he wouldn't have to clean anymore. No such luck that day.

_Quit thinkin' about those filthy muggles. You're bringin my mood down._

Harry rolled his eyes_. Yeah? Well you talking brings my mood down but you continue to do that._

_I've always done it. You just haven't heard me._

That was a little surprising. Harry didn't talk back to red-eyes instead thinking about what he said. What did he mean? That he'd always been there? He couldn't have. _What are you?_

_You're so close to the answer had it been a snake you'd have been bitten a hundred times by now. Think about that._

The voice stopped leaving Harry to do exactly what he said. And his thoughts began to lead to wild conclusions. Parallel universes was the first one. Maybe there was some other Harry Potter out there somewhere who was evil, who had crossed over to Voldemort's side and he was now using some forbidden magic to get into Harry's mind. Or maybe there was yet another Harry Potter out there without the lightning bolt scar and who had parents. Then there would be Neville Longbottom, the Boy-who-Lived.

_Wow. You've lost it. _He was back again. Harry ignored it. _I mean parallel universes? When has that ever come up in any conversation? I said the answer was right under your nose, not under the fucking sea._

Harry hated when this guy was right. Parallel universes was pretty far off. He didn't know what made him think of that one. Then what could the answer be? Right under his nose…

_Can I have another hint?_ Harry frowned with distaste as he asked the question. But he knew that Dumbledore wouldn't give him an answer so this was his only choice unless he wanted to keep guessing based on clues that gave little information. Damn you old man! Or you can just tell me what you are.

_Where's the fun in that?_

Harry groaned and ground his cigarette out in the ashtray. He rolled onto his side and glared at the red drapes. What could the answer be?

It hit him like a ton of bricks.

_A horcrux?_

No answer.

Harry didn't come out of the room until dinner. There had been no answer from Red-eyes though Harry had actually gone searching for him in his mind. The thought that he might be a horcrux stuck to his mind though. But it was just a possibility, right? There could be other explanations. There had to be! But the pieces just fit together so well. The crimson eyes so like Voldemort's, the anger he felt when Red-eyes began to take over, the thoughts of violence and torture…

"Fuck!" Harry hissed, leaning against the wall outside of the Great Hall. He didn't think he could go in there and face his friends knowing what he did now. He was becoming surer by the second that it was true he was a horcrux. Of course he would have to confront the old man just to make sure.

Finally his hunger got the better of him as his stomach growled for attention. He slid into the Great Hall, trying to remain inconspicuous, though that lasted about a nanosecond before he was seen by nearly every student. What was so interesting about him? Why did they have to watch his every movement as he made his way to his seat by Hermione, keeping his head down? Tonks and Ginny were sitting across from him and Ron sat down the table with Lavender, far away from Hermione.

"Feeling better?" Tonks asked. Harry grabbed a chicken leg and nearly slammed it onto his plate. He went for the corn next, tossing it onto the plate as well, though it seemed a little angrily. The kernels would hit the plate and then bounce in different directions. "I guess not."

"I'm fine," Harry muttered. "I just can't stand everyone watching me like I'm some animal exhibit at the zoo!"

"What do you expect?" Ginny asked. "To them you're the Chosen One. You're pretty much like a second Dumbledore."

"Great!" Harry exclaimed sarcastically. He bit violently into his chicken, thinking vaguely that right there he probably did look like some animal at the school. Or Ron. He looked up at the Staff Table hoping to make eye contact with Dumbledore. He wasn't there. _What the hell? He was here at breakfast! _He kept a calm face. "Where's the old man?"

"Don't know," Ginny shrugged. "He's been going off a lot lately though."

_Doing research_. Inside Harry was raging. He needed to speak to the headmaster and he was gone! Of fucking course! He turned his burning gaze to Tonks. "Did he tell you anything?"

"No. He never tells the order where he's going. He just gives out assignments and leaves."

Harry cracked his knuckles under the table. Mad-eye was gone and now the old man was gone. This was really helping his training. _Sometimes I get the feeling he doesn't want me to beat Voldemort_. There was no answer for once. Where had Red-eyes gone? For the first time Harry wished he would answer back. Tonks and Hermione were looking at him worriedly. Were his eyes red? Probably. He tore into another chicken leg. "Well he does like his secrets."

"Yeah, that he does," Tonks agreed, thankful that he hadn't snapped.

Harry sighed. "So the school's unguarded again. That makes me feel safe."

"How do you think most of the rest of the students feel?" Hermione said. "They rely on Dumbledore. Most parents didn't want their kids coming back this year but Professor Dumbledore assured everyone that the castle was the safest place for them. Now he just leaves every few weeks doing who knows what."

"Research." Harry said before grinning. "Though I can't say for what." Hermione glared at him and he chuckled. She was pissed that he didn't tell anyone what went on during the lessons. All she knew about were memories and she didn't even know what the memories were of. He turned back to Tonks who looked amused. "So who's guarding the school along with the usual aurors?"

"Remus and Bill are tonight. But Dumbledore didn't say how long he would be gone so he left it up to Shacklebolt to assign members to guard duty."

"Remus is here?" Harry asked in surprise. Last he heard of Remus through a letter at the end of September was that he was living with 'his kind' as he put it to try and convince them to fight on the side of the light. "His mission…" He stopped and looked around. Nobody seemed to be listening but he didn't want to chance it.

Tonks' face fell and she set down her fork. "Ask him about it."

Harry nodded slowly. He didn't really need to ask Remus though. It was obvious that they'd lost the werewolves. "I'll do that now. See you." He stood from the table and left. Food just didn't seem very appealing after that bit of news. He went to the common room, currently empty and continued on to his dormitory. The Marauder's Map who be a good thing to have handy rather than try and follow Remus without it, especially since Remus who probably be under an invisibility cloak.

Remus was heading for the Astronomy Tower. Good, Harry thought. It was a good place to go when one wanted privacy, one of the reasons Harry tended to go there a lot, and the conversation that would be taking place was one that certainly required privacy. He grabbed his invisibility cloak and went back to the common room. Voices could be heard as students began returning from dinner so Harry threw the cloak over his head and slid by them as they entered through the portrait hole.

Harry made his way to the tallest tower of Hogwarts. He reached the seventh floor and noticed something on the map that caused a bit of concern. Draco Malfoy's name appeared on the same floor. The snake was a bit far from his lair. Harry chewed his lip, torn between talking to Moony and chasing after the death eater to see what he was doing. Finally he decided to continue after his werewolf friend. The death eater could wait for another time.

_Well that's the worst choice you've made today_.

Harry nearly jumped but merely raised his eyebrows. He'd gone so long without the voice in his head that it surprised him. _You're back._

_Just to tell you how stupid you are._

_I need to talk to Lupin. Malfoy can wait._ Harry shot back.

_You'll regret it one day. Trust me._

Harry shook his head. Red-eyes didn't know what he was talking about.

..;…;.;.;.;.;.;.;;.;.;.;…

Harry waited for Remus to come around the corner. He'd passed his friend silently a ways back and kept hidden under his cloak where he knew Remus would pass through. His name moved closer and closer on the map. Just before Remus rounded the corner, stepped out and held his hand out in front of him. Remus did not appear there, also under a cloak. Something hit Harry's hand and he grinned.

"What the hell?" Remus mumbled. His head appeared and Harry saw an even more worn looking Remus than ever. Remus waved his arms in front of him and Harry stepped back, stifling his laughter. Remus' movements became more wild and Harry, grinning like mad, began to slap his hands. "Who's there?"

"Your worst nightmare!" Harry growled in a deep voice. He stepped behind Remus and tugged on a piece of hair. Remus grabbed the back of his head and whipped around. Harry threw off the cloak, laughing hysterically. He managed to control himself and looked at Remus' shocked face. Then he burst out laughing again. "You…looked…so…ridiculous!"

Remus scrubbed his face with both hands in embarrassment. "Alright cub, it wasn't that funny."

Harry wiped away a tear and coughed lightly behind his hand. His face suddenly took on a serious expression, as did Remus. They examined each other, both thinking the same thing: that the other looked older. Remus' hair had more grey streaks than before and his face more lined. He looked ten years older than he should. Harry didn't look his age either, one would have never guessed he was sixteen with the way he held himself, the look in his eyes that told of a hard life.

"How've you been Moony?" he asked quietly, sliding out a cigarette.

"I've been better." Remus answered truthfully. They began to walk with no particular destination.

"I heard about your mission," Harry said exhaling and watching the smoke float around. "What happened?"

Remus sighed. "Fenrir Greyback was there first. It was hard to gain their trust with him, not to mention that it is obvious that I have tried to live among wizards. These werewolves have shunned our society. They believe, thanks to Greyback, that they will live better lives under You-know-who's rule. A complete lie of course as You-know-who will only be using them as weapons to win the war."

Harry kept on walking, thinking hard about what Remus just told him. They came to a large open window and Harry sat on the ledge. "Fenrir Greyback. He sounds familiar."

Remus nodded looking bitter. "You may have heard the order talking about them, possibly even other students. He is one of the most well-known werewolves today for his savagery. His mission is to bite as many as he can, mostly young children. That way he can have them raised in packs were they will learn to hate wizards. You-know-who uses him to threaten families, with good results too."

Harry felt sickened. He clenched his fists tightly and drew his legs up and wrapped his arms around his knees. He took another drag. "Sick." He muttered.

Remus nodded and sat down on the ledge as well. "He was the one who contaminated me." Harry sat straight up and his eyes widened a fraction. "When I was a child. My father apparently offended him in some way so he got his revenge. They didn't know for years who did it and once I did find out I wished I hadn't. Greyback plans his attacks, making sure he is near potential victims for the fool moon. Yet he holds much sway in the packs and now he has ensured that they will all be on his side."

Harry shivered, praying that he never met that man in battle. Somehow, he knew that he would. Now Voldemort had the werewolves as well as giants on his side. How the fuck were they supposed to compete with that? The side of the light had Remus when it came to werewolves, and he wouldn't attack willingly in his werewolf form, even if it would be dark wizards. And then they had Grawp, a runt when it came to giants.

"So how are you these days?" Remus asked, breaking through his thoughts and changing the subject. "You look better."

Harry smiled. "I have Mad-eye to thank for that. Him and his borderline insanity for defending one's self."

Remus laughed and shook his head. "I'll bet you're glad to have a break."

Harry shook his head. "Actually no. I'd rather have him here to help me train. I still go every Tuesday and Thursday and train for three hours like we usually did. I want to have a chance, Moony. You know?" He sighed and looked at his cigarette. Almost down to the butt. "Voldemort will be coming after me you know. Just like he always has. _I want to have a chance_!"

Remus put a hand on his shoulder. "I get what you mean cub. I know you have some prophecy hanging over your head even if I don't know the contents. Don't worry, you can keep your secret. But don't forget that you are allowed to have fun. Don't let the prophecy take over your life."

"I'm not!" Harry protested.

"That's not what Tonks told me."

Shit. He sometimes forgot that Tonks reported back to the order. How much did she tell them all? "Tonks doesn't know what she's talking about."

Remus smiled gently. "Oh I think she does." Remus stood up as did Harry. "I have to get back to patrolling. You should get to sleep."

Harry nodded. "Will I see you over Christmas?"

"Probably. Take care of yourself cub."

"You too Moony."

Both disappeared under their cloaks. Harry headed in one direction and Remus in the other.

Such a heartwarming conversation.

Harry scowled. Shut up asshole.

**A/N: Yeah, notha chapter finished, though a bit rushed. The conversation with Remus normally takes place over Christmas at the burrow. I have some other plans for Christmas for Harry though, which happen to coincide better with how the movie goes. Maybe. Sorta.**

**11/12/11**


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Chapter 14:

Tonks watched as Harry dozed off again at the breakfast table, feeling half amused and half concerned. She knew that he'd stayed up training well into the night even though Alastor still wasn't back from his damned mission and Dumbledore was still researching as Harry said. However, she suspected that it was more of him taking out his frustrations rather than actual training, recalling how the day before there had been another confrontation will Draco in which Harry accused the blonde git of being a death eater. In front of a crowd. And McGonagall. She proceeded to tell him what a serious accusation it was based on little to no facts. That was just part of a very bad day. Hopefully though today would be a good day. It was the Hogsmead trip.

Harry brought his fork up to his mouth before dipping it into his pumpkin juice instead. His eyes were closed and his mouth hung open. He had no clue how ridiculous he looked, though Hermione, Ginny, Dean and Katie did. Harry dipped his fork into his pumpkin juice again, this time as though he were taking out a spoonful of sugar. He proceeded to drop the 'sugar' into his oatmeal and begin to stir it. _Still ridiculous, Mr. Potter, still ridiculous._

"Um… maybe we should wake him up," Hermione said, concern replacing the amusement in her eyes. How very Hermione-ish.

"Not yet!" Katie protested. She ripped off a small piece of toast and tossed it at his open mouth. It hit the very tip of his nose and bounced into his bowl of oatmeal. Tonks could barely suppress her laughter and it came out as a snort. Very unlady-like. But Kate, Ginny and Dean had the same predicament. Dean had his forehead down on the table, eyes streaming from trying to hold back his laughter. Ginny was snickering bwhind her hand, keeping it as quiet as she could. Katie just looked ready to burst.

This carried on for several minutes before Hermione turned to Tonks with a pleading look. Tonks sighed and was about to give in. Then Harry just jerked awake beside her, gasping for air as though he'd been underwater. He looked wildly around the great hall, eyes flashing red once or twice. All of the humor in the moment was gone. Disappeared as though it was never there. Tonks gripped his shoulder and his head snapped around to face her. Emerald eyes. She sighed with relief.

"You just fell asleep." She told him quietly and comprehension flooded into his eyes. "It's alright."

He shuddered beneath her grasp. "The fuck it is," he muttered mostly to himself. Tonks still heard it though she didn't think anyone else did. Harry pushed back his chair and rushed out of the Great Hall. Tonks and Hermione immediately stood too and went to follow. Tonks grabbed Ron's cloak and hauled him out of his seat, dragging him away from Lavender. Hermione smirked.

..-.-.-.-..-.-.-..-.

Harry hauled his ass from the entrance hall, trying to put as much distance as possible between himself and his friends who were sure to follow. Why didn't they get that he didn't want to be bothered? That there were times that he just needed to be alone to think. Then again, for him thinking was normally a bad idea. His thoughts usually led to bad things that he didn't want to think about.

_Such as what you just saw?_

Harry sucked in a breath. Red-eyes had been abnormally quiet the past week since Harry had asked if he was a horcrux. Hardly a word from him at all, not that it bothered Harry much. But he happened to like knowing when a comment would come up. _Yes, such as what I just saw_, Harry responded, a shiver running down his spine. He'd forgotten to raise his occlumency shields when he awoke that morning, a stupid mistake on his part. Extremely stupid. Once again he'd seen through Voldemort's eyes as he tortured a familiar looking muggle. Very familiar though Harry could not place a name.

_If he's familiar looking then that must mean he's from your old home_, Red-eyes said. _That means Voldemort was in Privet Drive_.

Another shudder ran through Harry's entire body. Where the fuck was Dumbledore? Was anyone watching over Privet Drive? It wasn't that Harry cared for his relatives, but nobody, not even Ima Walrus Dursley, deserved to be tortured at the hands of Voldemort. He slammed the side of his fist into the wall where he'd suddenly stopped running.

He was outside of the room of requirement he realized. Perfect. A place to hide. _Coward._ It wasn't red-eyes that time, just harry reprimanding himself. Pacing three times and asking for a place to hide from his friends, Harry looked up to see no door. "Asshole!" he growled to both the room and whoever was currently occupying it.

_Ask Tonksie to drop in at your old home and see what's up_, Red-eyes suggested as Harry tore down the corridor that led to the Owlery.

_No, it's too much trouble for her._

_To go and see if there are Dark Wizards terrorizing Privet Drive? That's her fuckin job! Well, before this mission anyway._

_Just shut up! I'm not asking her to do that!_

_Why not? She'd do it for you!_

Harry tried to block out the voice. He wasn't asking Tonks to go to Privet Drive. Hopefully the old man had Order members guarding the place. He sat down on a cold stone bench, sweeping off the snow that collected there and performing a crude drying charm so his pants didn't get wet. Household charms were never his specialty and he only made it less damp than it was. Good enough.

Hedwig flew down and landed on his shoulder. "Hey girl," he mumbled, stroking her feathers. "Sorry I haven't paid much attention to you this year, but there's really nobody for me to write." She hooted and pushed her head against his. Harry laughed. She was such a good owl.

"Finally!" Harry's head shot up to see Tonks, Hermione and Ron coming toward him. Hedwig flew off and Harry watched her sadly. She was better company than these people. She didn't ask questions. "You sure know how to disappear, Potter!"

Harry glared at Tonks who glared right on back. She was actually Tonks right now, not Erin. "Only when I want to be alone except for the company of my owl. But I guess it's illegal to spend some quality time with one's owl here at Hogwarts."

"Fuck off," Tonks muttered. She sat down on his right and Hermione on his left. Ron leaned back against the wall in front of him to shelter himself from the wind. "What just happened to you back there?"

"I fell asleep."

"Harry," Hermione sighed. "Why don't you tell us anything?"

He didn't know how to answer that without being mean. So he didn't say a word. Hermione was already getting enough shit from Ron, she didn't need him snapping at her too.

"Did you see into Voldemort's mind again?"

Brightest witch of her age, they always said, though this time it was really just a lucky guess. "That's what all the occlumency was for, remember? It's nothing."

"Nothing my ass!" Tonks burst out. "You just ran all the way up here from the great hall for nothing but to hang out with Hedwig? I don't fucking think so."

Harry sat up and glared at her with burning eyes. "You're right! My first choice was the room of requirement. But at least Hedwig doesn't ask questions that I don't want to answer!"

"Then Hedwig obviously doesn't care about you like we do!"

_Well that's just stupid. The way I see it, Hedwig obviously doesn't ask questions because owls don't talk._

Harry couldn't help it, he laughed. Tonks glared at him with an even angrier expression. "What's so funny?"

"He just called you…" oohhhhh shit.

_Nice one, dumbass._

Tonks frowned as did Hermione and Ron. "Who is 'he', and what did he just call me?"

Harry pursed his lips. And then he ran. _Coward._ That time it was Red-eyes. He could hear footstep pounding after him and he ran down the icy stairs, wobbling and slipping all the way. There was a shriek and Tonks crashed into Harry sending them both down the rest of the stairs in a tangles mess. Harry hit the floor first, landing on his back and Tonks landed on top of him. All of the air was pushed from his lungs.

"This was your fault," Tonks groaned as she morphed back into Erin in case someone came down the corridor. "I hope you realize that." She sat up on his stomach while he gasped for breath. "Oh, sorry. You having a bit of trouble breathing?" Harry nodded. "Then I'll get off if you promise not to run." Harry nodded again and Tonks slid off of him and onto the floor.

"Are you two alright?" Ron asked as he and Hermione reached them. "That was quite the tumble."

"One: yes we're fine," Tonks said. "Two: I can't believe you just said 'Quite the tumble'." Harry groaned reminding Tonks of his presence. "So are you going to tell us now?"

_You might as well just tell them._

"Well he called you stupid because owls can't talk." Harry said. He sat up and rubbed his head. It really had been quite the tumble.

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Ok so how about the first question?"

Harry paused and frowned. He glanced around at the seemingly empty hallway. "Can we have this discussion later in a more private place?"

The other three glanced at each other and nodded. Harry sighed with relief. That would give him some time to figure out what exactly to tell them. He pushed himself to his feet and held out his hand to Tonks. After pulling her to her feet he headed to the common room without another word to get ready for Hogsmead. He didn't really want to go, but something was telling him that he should. It wasn't that he needed to get Christmas presents, he already knew what he was getting everyone and it wasn't really things he could get in Hogsmead. He would have to contact Remus. But there was the feeling that he was supposed to go to the village today.

Harry followed Tonks and Hermione down to the entrance hall. Ron had gone ahead with Lavender so that meant he was stuck with the two witches until they would all meet up in the three broomsticks. It wasn't a horrible thing, he would live, but just barely. He sighed and they walked over to Filch so that he could check their names off the list. But there standing next to the bitter caretaker, was the headmaster. Harry was so surprised he tripped over his own feet and knocked into Tonks. She went toppling to the ground for the second time that day. Behind them they heard Pansy Parkinson's nasally laugh. Harry turned to glare at her, seeing the annoying pug-faced girl with a bunch of other Slytherins that included Daphne Greengrass, Tracy Davis (both witches looked highly annoyed as though they would rather be anywhere else), Millicent Bullstrode, Theodore Nott, Crabbe and Goyle. No Malfoy. Pretty much all of the 6th year Slytherins save a few.

"I didn't know snakes travelled in packs," Harry said as he helped Tonks to her feet again. She glared at him for knocking her down.

"I didn't know Lions were so inept." Greengrass shot back, smirking as she referred to his trip. She and Davis walked by him away from the rest of the Slytherins. Harry watched her out of the corner of his eye untrusting of the Slytherin Ice Queen.

"Where's Draco?" Harry drawled imitating the Slytherin in question.

"Harry let's go!" Hermione mumbled. She was ignored.

"Well?" he prompted. Where was the blonde death eater? "Did Death Muncher Malfoy realize he is way out of your league and head out to the village without you?"

"That's none of your business, Potty!" Nott growled. Harry turned his head to him with disgust written all over his face and clear in his red eyes. Nott actually faltered back a step.

Harry shrugged and turned around again, continuing over to Filch and Dumbledore. Tonks and Hermione were already there, preferring to avoid confrontation. Harry didn't care that they left him though. The Slytherins wouldn't curse him with the old man around. "Professor I really need to talk to you," he said to Dumbledore. The headmaster looked down at him. He looked incredibly tired, more so than Harry had ever seen him. "It's really important." He added, already realizing that he would not get his wanted conversation. _Cazzo_.

"I'm sorry Harry but it will have to wait. I have very pressing matters to attend to."

Harry couldn't help but feel disappointed as Tonks and Hermione ushered him away.

"Hey Harry, why don't you sit with us?" Romilda Vane suggested as Harry passed her carriage. He didn't even spare her a glance as he replied, "I'd rather not." Tonks and Hermione stifled their laughter long enough to ensure that the girls wouldn't hear them.

"That girl just doesn't give up!" Tonks laughed. Harry glared at her and she ruffled his hair, still laughing.

Harry turned helplessly to Hermione. "I don't know what to do about that girl! She's been trying to slip me love potions for about two months now!"

"See what you get for being the chosen one?"

_Damn, even she's having fun at your expense._

Harry frowned and climbed into an empty carriage. "You know, this is a serious matter, and yet here you two are, making fun of me!"

"You're just so easy to make fun of though," Tonks said and Harry scowled, sinking lower into his seat. The carriage began to move. "But I'll take pity on you and help figure out a way to get Romilda off your back. Got any ideas Hermione?"

Hermione shook her head. "Personally I don't think she'll ever stop until the entire Chosen One business dies down."

"You really know how to make me feel better Hermione." Harry grumbled. He turned to Tonks as Hermione took out a book and began to read. Tonks had a thoughtful expression on her face and Harry shivered. He really didn't want to know what her bright idea would be.

Tonks snapped her fingers in front of his face. "I got it!"

_I think you ought to feel a little scared._

_For once I agree with you._

"You should get a girlfriend!"

_That _was her bright idea? Harry shook his head. "That would just make her a target for fangirls! They're crazy Tonks!"

Tonks rolled her eyes. "You're so dramatic. It's a good idea. It doesn't have to be a real relationship or anything, just something to get other girls off your back."

"And who would agree to that?"

Tonks frowned thoughtfully. "Hermi—"

"No." Hermione cut her off without looking up from her book.

"Tonks! Hermione's like my sister!" Harry groaned.

"I said it didn't have to be real! But fine, I'll think of someone else." Harry sighed and closed his eyes. Best to just let Tonks have her way. He listened to her name off girls anywhere between fourth and seventh years. "Katie Bell? No? How about… Millicent—"

"NO!" Harry shouted, horrified to even think about the mere possibility. Tonks burst out laughing and even Hermione was biting her lip. She raised her book in front of her face, her shoulder shaking. Harry pointed his finger accusingly at her. "Stop laughing!"

"I'm not laughing!"

Harry scowled and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I hate you both."

Harry had never been happier to reach the village of Hogsmead. He jumped out of the carriage before it even stopped. "See you both at the Broomsticks!" he said hastily before running away. The entire ride he had to listen to the two witches spout off names upon names, many of which were just as horrifying as Millicent Bullstrode. Tonks even went so far as to give names of a few guys. There was no way in hell he was sticking with them until they met Ron at the three broomsticks.

Avoiding Honeydukes for the time being as that was obviously going to be Tonks' first destination, Harry went into Zonko's. The joke shop was going out of business these days thanks to Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes who continuously came out with new products. Zonko's however, stuck with the same old things. No wonder it wasn't very busy unlike all the other times Harry was there. There were a few familiar faces though, like Seamus and Ernie Macmillan. Harry walked over and greeted them.

"You look like you've seen an inferius, Harry," Ernie commented.

_Well that's a little different than you normally hear._

"Just had to ride alone with Erin and Hermione. It wasn't the greatest carriage ride ever." Harry muttered, idly picking up a pack of dungbombs. "I'm never doing that again. I think I'd even rather ride with Ron and Lavender."

"I think you mean Won Won and Lav Lav!" Seamus snickered.

"Oh Merlin, he hasn't started calling her that has he?" Harry asked. Seamus shook his head, still laughing. _Thank Merlin! _ "Well I pray that he never starts. If he does then I'll have to put my foot down."

"I'm with you on that mate," Seamus nodded. "I can hardly bear to hang around with Dean anymore when he's with Ginny. If I ever start using petnames I give you both permission to smack me."

"You've got to get a girlfriend before that happens," Ernie reminded him. Seamus punched the Hufflepuff in the arm.

Ron, Hermione and Tonks were all at a table when Harry walked in the overcrowded pub, thankful to be away from the bitter cold winds of December. Tonks was sitting in between his two friends and looked ready to hex both of them as they argued around her. She looked up at Harry and pleaded with her eyes for him to do something.

"You're such a hypocrite!" Hermione shouted.

"Oh, I'm a hypocrite?"

Harry realized that the argument had just started. He sat down, but both seemed unaware of his arrival. He listened for the moment.

"Yes, you criticize your sister and Dean even for holding hands in public, yet you and Lavender are constantly all over one another every day!"

"We are not!"

Harry couldn't help but feel a little surprised at Ron's denial. _Well, time to intervene_. "Yes, you are. To be honest, it pretty sickening to have to watch you and Lavender snog each other in the common room every day." His two best friends looked at him in surprise. They really hadn't seen him sit down. He grinned and waved. "Lovely weather we're having."

"I didn't even see you come in!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Obviously," Harry said carelessly as he took a swig of her butterbeer. _Mine now._ He only wished for a moment that it was firewhiskey. "If you had you both would have shut up."

Tonks raised her eyebrows while Hermione flushed. "Maybe you should take that stick out of your ass and tell us what's up."

Harry's lips twitched a little. He found Tonks slightly amusing when she was trying to sound pissy.

Ron blew out a gusty sigh. "We should just get on with it."

Harry frowned. Get on with what? Tonks nodded and waved her wand. Harry could feel the magic building around him and he groaned silently in his head. _Privacy wards_. So that was what they were doing. They had successfully trapped him and now he would have to tell them about the Horcruxes. _Cazzo._ He glanced at Tonks, feeling nervous about telling her anything. He had to remember that she was working for the order, that she told them about his behavior and how he acted. His little talk with Remus the week before reminded him of that. "You three are devious. When did you even plan this?"

"When you went up to get your jacket," Hermione answered, suddenly looking a little nervous. She bit her lip and Harry suspected that she was waiting for him to blow his top. And truthfully, he would love to do just that at the moment. But that wouldn't solve anything. Better to just tell them everything now. Then they would leave him alone.

Harry turned to Tonks, his face suddenly hard. "Nothing I say next can be told to the order."

Tonks looked offended, her mouth hanging open slightly and she leaned back in her chair. "What makes you think I would tell the Order?"

"You apparently told them about my sleeping patterns!"

"No, I told Remus who I believe has a right to know! That's different than telling the entire Order that you're afraid to sleep in your own room! Besides, it's not like entire Order doesn't already know. It's not like you made much of a secret of it over the summer. Anyone could hear your pacing every damn night and that you so obviously had nightmares."

Thank Merlin for privacy charms. Harry opened his mouth to make a retort to that but Hermione cut across him flashing a warning look at Tonks. She had the decency to look at least a little ashamed. "That's enough you two!" she snapped. Harry glowered at her. Guess it wasn't so great when it was her in the middle of the argument. Harry struggled to calm himself down.

"Sorry," he mumbled to both Hermione and Tonks. They both nodded and Harry decided that he might as well get on with his story. Tonks had given her word that she wouldn't tell the order without really even giving her word. Harry trusted her. Now, where to start? "I'm going to take a wild guess and say that none of you have ever heard of a horcrux. They're extremely dark magic and a forbidden subject."

"Figures you would know what they are then," Ron joked.

Harry barely acknowledged him. He just wanted to get this explanation over with. "Basically, they're a way to cheat death. I won't go very much into details, but you rip your soul into pieces and place that shard into an object. Sick shit. Sorry Hermione. It's how Voldemort is still alive. In one of our lessons, Dumbledore showed me a modified memory given to him by Slughorn, Sluggie did a really piss poor job of doing it too. The memory was of Tom Riddle, Voldemort, when he was still in school asking Slughorn about Horcruxes. Though in the memory I saw, Slughorn didn't give him the information, he did."

"But why?" Hermione asked. "If it was a forbidden subject…"

"Slughorn believed that Riddle wanted the information for educational purposes. If you saw the memories you'd understand. He was…" how to put this? "Extremely persuasive. Riddle had ways of getting what he wanted. Every teacher loved him, including Dumbledore. They never knew what he would turn out to be." At Ron's shocked look he said, "I know that this may be shocking to you, but Dumbledore doesn't know everything. He had suspicions of course but Riddle hid things well. So eventually Riddle did make his Horcruxes."

"He made more than one?" Tonks gasped.

Harry nodded, feeling a little sick himself. To split one's soul once was bad enough, but the amount of times Voldemort did it was unknown. And then to think how many of them could be out there…"One of them was the diary from 2nd year. You all know the one. Another was an old ring, Riddle's grandfather's. Marvalo gaunt, a pureblood who hated all muggles. Riddle took it from Morfin, his uncle and Marvalo's son. Riddle killed his grandparents, on his father's side along with his father to make this horcrux and then modified Morfin's memory so that he believed he'd done it." He shivered. Morfin had been so proud over killing them. "But we believe that there are more Horcruxes out there. What they are or how many is unknown though. That's why we search the memories." He sighed and rest his chin down on the table. He stared through his mug of butter beer at Hermione's distorted image.

_Time to tell 'em mate._

Harry scowled. Don't call me mate. _I can't just come out and tell them I'm a horcrux. _

_Why's that? It'd be a hell of a lot easier than trying to sugarcoat it._

"Harry?"

He glanced at Ron. Whoops. "Oh sorry. So that's the basics of Voldemort and his Horcruxes."

"I think I know where you're going with this and I don't like it," Hermione murmured.

Harry smiled ruefully at her. _You'd better prepare yourself for disappointment, 'Mione_. "Remember on the train ride when I looked like I spaced out? Well, all I remember is my vision going dark. I could hear everything you were all saying but it was like you were at the other end of a tunnel. Then this figure appeared in front of me, almost like the darkness was just melting away. It was like looking in a mirror. When he talked it was my voice. The only difference was he had red eyes. Like Voldemort."

Silence greeted these words. Ron looked like he'd been punched in the face, Tonks had the blankest look Harry had ever seen on a human being and Hermione looked, of course, thoughtful and also scared. Harry smiled sadly at her. He was scared too, though he would admit that only to himself. No need to tell anyone that bit of information.

After several minutes of absolute silence other than the noise of the pub which sounded distant from the charms around them. It was more of a buzz, like what you would hear if you had the muffliato charm from the Prince. Harry frowned. "Anyone going to say something?"

"I… What do you want us to say?" Tonks asked. "You just told us that you have a piece of You-know-who's soul in you!"

"If you can't say Voldemort then call him Riddle!" Harry snapped.

"Fine! You have a piece of _Riddle's _soul in you! I'm going to take a wild guess and say that he's the reason your eyes turn red when you're pissed."

Harry nodded slowly. "I still want to talk to the old man about it, but I think that when my anger grows, he becomes stronger and that's his attempt to gain control. That's his goal. When I start to get angry he starts trying to persuade me to let him loose. He's very good at it too."

"But you wouldn't right?" Hermione questioned. "You have more control, right?"

Harry shrugged, thinking about his attempt at torture of Bellatrix, or with Malfoy that day on the pitch. "If I ever happen to see Bellatrix again who knows what might happen?"

_I'll bet that made her feel better._

"That did nothing to make me feel better."

"You asked." Harry pushed back his chair and stood. He wouldn't tell her what happened with Bellatrix in the Department of Mysteries. It was bad enough that Tonks knew. He didn't need his two best friends to know about his past attempt at the Cruciatus. "I'm going back to the castle."

"Me too," Hermione agreed.

_She's got that look…_

Harry had to agree with that. "Hermione, you aren't going to find anything on this in the Hogwarts library."

"I'm assuming Voldemort did!" she snapped.

"Privacy charms are down," Tonks reminded them warningly.

"Right. Go ahead and look then, but don't expect to find anything." Harry looked at Ron who had yet to say a word. "You alright, mate?"

Ron gave him a weak smile. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

Harry clapped him on the shoulder. "Are you coming back with us or meeting Lavender?"

Ron shook his head. "She said she would meet me here in a bit."

"Alright, see you later mate."

Harry, Hermione and Tonks trudged through the snow out of Hogsmead, missing the warmth of the pub. Tonks crouched behind Harry and used him as a shield against the wind while Harry did is best to stay to the side of her, smiling while he did it. Finally she grabbed the back of his coat and held him in place in front of her. "No, you just stay right there."

Harry turned around and walked backwards so he was facing the two witched. This also kept the wind from biting at his face. "I feel used."

"Well I feel cold so we both lose."

"Well said."

Tonks grinned and shoved him lightly. "So are we going to demand that Dumbledore tell us what's going on with your horcrux problem?"

"Nope," Harry answered. "I'm going to go and talk to him alone and then decide whether or not to tell you anything." Hermione's mouth dropped open and he chuckled. She was gullible at times when there was too much on her mind. Did they really believe that he would explain all about the Horcruxes and then not tell them what the old man said? Though Harry tried to get it through their minds that Dumbledore was not always correct, they would always want to hear what he had to say before coming to a decision. "Don't worry, I'll tell you."

A high-pitched scream pierced the air and Harry whipped around, drawing his wand_. Death Eaters?_ Harry ran in the direction of the scream, his two companions close on his heels. Why would the Death Eaters attack here, outside of the village though? Why not go right into Hogsmead, where the students would be, where more damage could be done?

_Maybe it's not an attack,_ Red-eyes suggested.

_Then what?_

Harry came to the top of a hill and looked down. He suddenly wished it had been death eaters.

**A/N: Notha Chapta up. I'm trying to think of a message here to tell everyone, maybe something inspirational but my mind is drawing a blank.**

**11-17-11**


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

**A/N: Yes, I'm a week late with the chapter. Just haven't been feeling up to anything at all. I don't even feel up to lifting up a pen to doodle. But here it is, an unsatisfactory piece of work. Oh and for that one person who commented (I cannot for the life of me remember your name who left the comments about saying how Harry was going to be badass) I'm sorry bout that. He originally was going to be, and then I'm not sure what happened and he turned into an wimpy teen. I think I meant to mention it in an authors note, but I checked and I guess I didn't.**

Chapter 15:

What Harry saw made him stop dead in his tracks. Hermione crashed into him from behind and Tonks skidded to a halt next to him. Opposite of what would normally happen, but Tonks was apparently in auror mode. Harry heard Hermione gasp behind him before another wail pierced the air, sounding more painful than the first one. Harry stared up at Katie Bell, hovering high in the air, her head thrown back and mouth wide open as she screamed. Her arms were spread out like Dumbledore did every year before the welcoming feast when he greeted the students. This was anything but welcoming.

Katie's friend, a Hufflepuff, began to tug on her leg, screaming for them to help. Harry's feet slid in the snow and he began to run. What had caused this? _Maybe that creepy looking necklace over there_, Red-eyes suggested. Harry glanced around quickly as he ran, searching for any sign of a necklace. He saw something that looked like brown wrapping along with a glint of silver just under where Katie was floating. Once he reached his teammate he kicked the necklace to the side and began to tug on Katie's foot. The second he touched her, she began to fall, screaming the entire time right in Harry's ear as he caught her.

"Don't touch that!" Tonks suddenly shouted and Harry looked up. Hermione was looking down at the necklace. Harry lowered Katie to the ground as she thrashed wildly in his arms and he stared at the ornate opal necklace. He'd seen that somewhere before, he knew it. His brain was just too muddled to figure it out. "Pick it up using the paper."

Shaking, Hermione did as she was told. Katie had stopped screaming and Harry's eardrums thanked her. But she was still thrashing around, clawing at his face and whatever else she could get at. Her eyes were open, she just didn't recognize him. What the fuck were they supposed to do now? Help was too far away, and in the time it would take for one of them to find help and then get Katie to Hogwarts, it was impossible to say what might happen. "Fuck!" he hissed. "Ton… Fuck it! Erin! What are we supposed to do?"

"We have to get her to the school. Can you carry her?"

Katie suddenly went limp and she began to whimper. Harry took a deep breath and scooped her back into his arms, trying desperately to keep his panic at bay. Was it better or worse that she was now limp as a ragdoll?

As they ran down the road to the castle Tonks looked at the Hufflepuff. She was still sobbing even as she ran. "Leanne right?" the girl nodded. "What happened? Where did Katie get the necklace?"

"We were in the Three Broomsticks and she came back from the bathroom with it. She… she said that it was for somebody in the school but she didn't say who it was from! We started arguing and the package ripped!" She began sobbing even harder.

Harry's foot sank into a dip in the ground that was covered by the snow and he stumbled. This would have been so much easier weeks earlier without the snow and ice. His eyes flickered to the necklace, just visible through a hole in the paper. Where had he seen that thing before? _Do you know?_ He asked Red-eyes. He usually seemed to know these types of things.

_Possibly._

Harry growled out loud in frustration_. I'm not in the mood for your games! Is this fucking funny for you? Because I think it's hilarious! She could be dying you fucking asshole!_

_She is. Don't you remember? Borgin and Burkes before second year. You were hiding when the Malfoys came in. Remember yet?_

Harry did remember now. Malfoy had asked Borgin what it was for. "Oh shit."

"Harry?"

He realized that he'd stopped running and was standing completely still. "Leanne, Erin both of you go on ahead. Leanne, you can apparate legally, right?" At her nod Harry continued, thinking fast. Everyone thought that 'Erin' was emancipated so apparating wasn't a problem. They all thought she'd just recently passed her test. "Erin, you take Katie."

Leanne disapparated while Harry and Tonks managed to get Katie into a position where Tonks could stand and hold her up at the same time.

"I remember seeing the necklace at Borgin and Burkes," Harry began explaining after several seconds where the two girls looked at him expectantly. Like whatever he had to say was more important than the girl in front of him, hanging on Tonks' shoulder. "She's dying. Tonks, you have to go. Hermione and I will see you at the school." Tonks stared at him with a shocked expression. Well to be fair, he did say that Katie was dying in a pretty casual way. Harry nudged her shoulder. "_Go_."

Hagrid was waiting for Harry and Hermione at the gates with a message for them to go to the headmaster's office. That's where they would have gone anyway. They didn't even speak a word as they walked, unable to even thing clearly let alone even say anything intelligible. And this was _Hermione._ If she couldn't find something to say then Harry had no hope. It was probably the most uncomfortable and uneasy silence Harry ever had to take part in, yet he did nothing to break it.

The two office chairs were occupied by Tonks and Leanne. Dumbledore was behind his desk with Snape and McGonagall, all three staring at the opal necklace Leanne finally had her tears under control. Harry guessed that she took the Lemon drop that Dumbledore normally offered him. There had to be a calming draught in those things. Harry didn't know for sure never having taken one himself, but that was a probable answer. Two more chairs appeared next to Tonks which Harry and Hermione took. Harry stared at the Headmaster, then down to his shaking hands. They'd been doing that since he first saw Katie floating in the air. He hadn't noticed until they were walking up to the castle and Hermione pointed it out.

_Weak…_

Harry ignored him. "How is she?" He asked, finally breaking the silence.

"Alive," McGonagall answered. There was a silent 'for now' at the end of that. "The necklace must have just brushed her skin."

"In other words, she is incredibly lucky to be alive," Snape added coldly. He looked like there was a pile of shit under his nose. Just a cursed necklace however.

Dumbledore gave the Defense teacher a hard look, very out of place on his face. "You may all go to your common rooms now. Miss Bell will most likely be moved to St. Mungo's by tomorrow morning. I'm sure Madame Pomfrey will allow you to see her before then."

Harry stayed in his seat while the other three students stood and began to leave. He wanted some fucking answers and now was the time to get them. He waiting for several more moments as Dumbledore stared at him and dismissed the two professors. More silence. It was deafening. "Why didn't you tell me about the horcrux?" Dumbledore looked surprised. "Yeah, figured it out not to long ago. With some help from him actually. Obviously you knew. Why didn't you tell me?"

The aged headmaster sighed and resent his chin in his hand. "Another one of my many mistakes, Harry. I am sorry."

Harry bit back a retort. "It's my life professor. I thought I was losing my mind for a long time," he said calmly. "I didn't know what he was. I just called him my dark side because I didn't know what else to call him."

"Would you like an explanation?"

Well that was something new. He was actually getting a choice_. Well fuck me sideways_. But right now, he really didn't want one. He didn't need more on his mind to think about. So Harry slowly shook his head. "Actually not now. Remember how you said that you didn't feel I was ready to know the prophecy? Well I'm really not ready for the whole story just yet." And once again, Dumbledore looked shocked. Harry was pretty damn good at keeping the man on his toes. "I know, you were probably expecting me to demand an explanation. But you can tell me this: the reason he suddenly became stronger, was it because of trying the cruciatus on Bellatrix?"

"That seems likely in my opinion. Your anger and misery fuels him. You're attempt at the torture curse coupled with having to stay in your godfather's house for most of your summer gave him that last bit of strength needed."

Harry nodded. "He said that he's always been there, I just never heard him."

"How often do you speak with him?"

"Nearly everyday. I can hear him in my head and I just think words back to him. Most nights when I'm sleeping I go back to that dark space where I first saw him." That sounded extremely… dark. Gloomy. Melancholy. Harry smirked. "So where've you been Professor?" he asked changing the subject. He didn't exactly know where he'd been going with the original conversation so he decided to end it. He knew for sure now that he was a horcrux, though not how it happened. Most likely something to do with the stupid killing curse that marked him. Fuck the details for the moment. He didn't need them.

"Searching for the location of the next horcrux."

Damn, that was the most straight-forward answer we've ever gotten.

Harry agreed with that. "Have you found it?"

"Not yet, but I feel that I'm very close."

Another slow nod. So they would soon be destroying another horcrux. That would make three. But how many more were there. Another thought suddenly rose to mind. How would they get rid of his horcrux? I resent that… That was one of the things about the Horcrux that really pissed Harry off. Any thought that came to surface, the horcrux knew. And he would comment. Occlumency didn't affect Horcruxes apparently. "So how would we destroy mine?"

Dumbledore sadly shook his head, taking off the half-moon glasses and setting them on the desk. "I've no idea. Anything that normally works on normal Horcruxes are more dangerous for one that is in a living being."

Harry snorted. That was an understatement. Fiendfyre and basilisk venom. The latter of which Harry had experience with. Hurt like fucking hell. "Never been recorded in any book that we know of then?"

"No." Dumbledore said. Harry began to nod, hardly realizing that he was doing it. It was mechanical. "I think it's about time you got back to your common room, Harry. But before you go I have to speak to you about something that's happened."

Harry, who was just pushing himself out of the chair, sank slowly back into the cushion. He already knew that it was something bad. The memory of breakfast slid back to the front of his mind. Who the hell was that boy? "Who was it? The Dursleys?"

"No. The young woman who you spent the beginning of your summer with." A shiver ran down Harry's spine. Now he knew who the boy was that got tortured early that morning. They'd only met once and at the worst possible moment. His name was Anthony. He was Erin's younger brother, only nine years old. Harry remembered when he met Anthony, the younger boy having walked in on him and Erin having sex in her parents' bedroom. Erin had to pay him off so that he wouldn't tell anybody. Dumbledore continued, interrupting his thoughts. "A young boy was killed, as were both parents."

"And Erin?"

"In the hospital with her memory modified. She will be living with another family member in a well-protected house."

Harry nodded. His hands were shaking again. Why did Voldemort choose now to attack her? He must've known for some time now or Harry would have felt him rummaging around in is thoughts. The dark Lord had never been subtle when it came to that. "But why didn't he attack number 4?" I would have preferred that.

"It's possible that he doesn't know that the wards have collapsed."

"If he doesn't know about the wards then how does he know about Erin?" Harry asked angrily. He was more upset that Erin had been attacked than if it had been his relatives. Fuck hose assholes.

"You must be calm Harry," the old man told him quietly yet sternly. "It is my best guess that during the summer while you stayed with your relative, your mind was not as closed as it was when you moved into Grimmauld Place. For obvious reasons."

_I think he's referring to sex._

_Shut it. _

"Now, I think it's time you went back to Gryffindor Tower. Get some rest."

"Right," Harry mumbled. He stood and his chair disappeared as quickly as it appeared in the first place. Magic.

He left the office and paused, trying to decide on where he should go. The common room would be filled with first and second years and also the older students who decided that the cold sucked. Outside it would be too cold to fly or just walk. Hermione was most likely in the library already, searching up on Horcruxes. The kitchens would be too loud, them damn elves and the racket they made. The Owlery would be too cold, plus the stench. But his dormitory would be nice and peaceful, if everyone was still at Hogsmead or at least in the common room. Nodding, Harry decided on there.

Yes, Hermione was in the library. Yes the common room was filled with students, all of which looked up when he walked in. He kept on walking, conscious that Tonks was following him. Of course she would. He never got privacy. Harry didn't even look at her until they were in his dormitory and he was lying on his bed. She sat at the foot of the bed, leaning against one of the bed posts. Harry lit a cigarette.

"What did Dumbledore say?" she asked. "Or what did you ask him?"

Harry put his feet in her lap and watched her scowl. She probably wanted to make some retort that she wasn't a footrest but she stayed silent. "I asked why he never told me about the horcrux. He just said it was another one of his many mistakes. So now we know for sure that I was right."

_Oh, I see. You don't trust me._

Harrry frowned. _You put a hole in my shoulder. How does that give me a reason to trust you?_

_Touché._

"Harry?"

"Sorry. He was talking."

"The Horcrux?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "No, my dick."

Tonks slapped his foot, it being the closest body part. "Watch it. I don't need your sarcasm." She sighed and pushed his feet out of her lap so that she could stretch and lie down. "It's been a long day."

Harry nodded, thinking about Erin. "Voldemort attacked today." He just felt the need to say it, even though Tonks probably knew, being a part of the Order and all.

Tonks sat straight up. "What? Where?" Or maybe she didn't know.

"Erin's house. Her family was killed, but she lived. She's in the hospital." Harry took a drag and offered the cigarette to Tonks. Surprisingly, she took it. "Her memory has been modified."

"Harry, I'm so sorry. Are you going to see her?"

"I think I've caused her enough trouble already." He heard Tonks sigh before she placed his cigarette between his lips. She didn't even deny what he said. Harry didn't even know if he wanted her to or not. Normally people would at least try to make him feel better though. Which he hated.

"You really need to stop thinking so negatively." Was all she said before flopping back down, this time next to him. They lay there on their backs, shoulder to shoulder and stared straight up at absolutely nothing. "I mean you seriously just kill my happiness sometimes." Harry turned his head to stared at her, gaping in shock. "Not that I'm even happy to begin with right now after all the shit that's happened today, but there are times when I am and you just kill it."

_That was lovely._

Harry still just gaped at her, struggling to find something to say. His cigarette fell out of his mouth and landed on his pillow case. He grabbed his cancer stick and rubbed his pillow to put out the burning fabric. Tonks smiled, biting her lip to keep from laughing. "You know, you really know how to make somebody feel better!" He told her, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Well you don't normally take well to people cheering you up." Tonks reminded him, still smiling. Harry just scowled and exhaled the smoke through his nose. "You looked very dragon-like just now."

"You're still not making me feel any better." He reached up and put out his cigarette using the headboard. He placed it on the top and rolled over onto his side. "I'm going to sleep." He pulled the corner of the blanket over his eyes and waited for Tonks to leave. She didn't. "Yes?"

"I'm not going down to the common room! I've already dealt with far too many questions. Now give me some blanket." Without even waiting for an answer, or a protest in this case, she shifted to the far side of the bed and grabbed his blanket. "Night, kiddo."

With an even deeper scowl, Harry shut his eyes. _I need to ask you something, _he stated.

_Ask away, but don't expect an answer._

_How fucking original._

_Well now you really shouldn't expect an answer._

Harry mentally growled. _Fine. I'm sorry._

_Good boy. What's your question?_

_Do you have any clue how to cure Katie?_

_Not a one. You think that just because I'm a piece of the Head Death Fucker's soul that I know what he knows?_

_Well… yeah. _

_Wrong! _

He sounded so excited. _Your mood swings piss me off. Could you just explain it already?_

Sure thing. See, long story short, I've been in your body for so long that I am more you than him. I'm still a piece of his sould and everything, but with your thoughts, your feelings, that type of shit.

_My face._

_That too. And what a pretty face it is._

_Alright, just fuck off._

_You asked. _He actually said it in a sing-song voice. Under the blankets Harry reached up and rubbed his temples, realizing that his glasses were still on. He took them off and dropped them over the side of the bed.

_Ok, I just want to sleep. Mind giving me a peaceful rest for once?_

_Sure thing hot stuff._

Harry blinked several times, trying to figure out what had awoken him. It was dark in the room and he could just make out a figure sanding close just in front of him. No details. His wand was out in a second and he sat up, pointing his wand at whoever it was. A curse was on his lips, the thought that it might just be one of his roommates not even coming to mind.

"Whoa, just me!" Harry recognized Ron's voice and cast a lumos charm. "What the hell mate?"

"Sorry," Harry mumbled, lowering his wand and taking his offered glasses from his friend. "You can't sneak up on me. Especially now." _That's just setting yourself up to get cursed._

"I'll keep that in mind. Is that Tonks?"

Harry looked over his shoulder, just able to make out the sleeping form of Tonks. Tonks, not Erin. "Uhh, yeah. Don't ask me. I think she said something about not wanting to be asked questions though."

Ron looked confused. "How is her sleeping in your bed going to stop people from asking questions? I think they'll just be asking more." Harry shook his head in a way to say, 'Don't expect me to understand he reasoning.' Ron just shrugged and changed the subject. "The team's going to see Katie. You coming?"

"yeah. I'll see you there in a bit. I should probably wake her up."

"Right. See you then."

When Ron was gone harry groaned and rubbed his head. _Thanks for letting me sleep._

He got a familiar answer. _Sure thing hot stuff._

Harry shook his head and crawled across the bed to Tonks. To be honest, he was slightly nervous about waking her up. One time he did that when she fell asleep in the common room, not a good idea or she might morph back to herself. Might 'compromise the mission' just a bit. When he tried to wake her up, his reward was a punch in the face. Accidental punch of course. You just don't wake a sleeping auror who was trained by a nut job and expect to get away unscathed. If you aren't predicting the outcome of course.

First he ripped the blankets away. Then, taking a deep breath, he grabbed her shoulder. Immediately a fist swung out and he managed to duck it. "It's Harry! It's Harry!" he said frantically when he felt the tip of a wand pressed into his throat.

"Whoops." The wand was removed and Harry sighed with relief. "What's the time?"

"No clue. The team's going to visit Katie so I thought it best to wake you up before someone came in."

"Yup, that'd be quite the predicament." Tonks mumbled, falling back onto the pillow and pulling the blanket over her head.

Harry shook his head, slid off the bed and over to his trunk. The top item was his invisibility cloak and he tossed it to Tonks. "See you later." He left the room and didn't even stop for a moment as he went through the common room. He didn't want to answer any stupid questions. To him, any question he might possibly be asked would be a stupid one. So as the questions were thrown at him during his journey to the infirmary, Harry ignored them completely. Well, there was one boy, a Ravenclaw second year who was coming from the Owlery who asked if it had been him who cursed her. Hearing that, Harry loosened his hold just a little over the horcrux and the boy received a frightening crimson glare.

_I'm getting the feeling that didn't exactly help your cause._

_Fuck it. I hope he shit himself. _

There was a small surprise waiting in the infirmary. Four extra people standing around Katie's bed with the team. Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinnit, and the twins. They didn't see him at first and Harry stood where he was for a moment. From Madam Pomfrey's office he could hear loud sobbing. It probably wasn't coming from the healer. Frowning, Harry went over to Katie's bed, standing between Ginny and Ron. Katie still looked the same, in pain and limp.

"Harry!" Ginny gasped. "I didn't even see you!"

Harry shrugged. That was something new. "What did Madam Pomfrey say?"

"Not much," Alicia murmured. She was staring at him with a surprised expression, as was Angelina. He probably did look really different from the last time they'd seen him. "They're sending her to St. Mungo's soon though."

_Are you sure that there isn't anything you can do?_ Harry asked Red-eyes in his head as Katie whimpered again.

_Positive. I explained this to you before. Sorta. _

_Figured maybe you thought of something since then. Or that you were lying before._

_Nope._

Harry looked back to Madam Pomfrey's office. The crying had quieted down for a bit, but now it was just pulling on his heartstrings again. "Who's in there?"

"Her parents," Fred answered, looking more solemn than Harry could ever remember seeing him. "Do you have any idea who did this?"

Harry shook his head while thinking of Malfoy. He wanted so much to say it, but his experiences with not having proof successfully stopped him. Besides, he hadn't seen Malfoy once in the Three Broomsticks, or anywhere in Hogsmead. "If I knew, they'd be in neck deep in shit right now." Harry growled.

"Who would want to hurt Katie?" Ritchie wondered.

"They didn't mean for it to be her," Harry muttered before he could stop it. Everyone looked at him. Dare he tell them? What did it matter when Leanne knew too and would undoubtedly tell at least one person which would lead to the entire school within hours. "It was meant for the old man."

The silence was deafening. And then Ginny managed to stutter out, "W-what? You mean Professor Dumbledore?"

Harry nodded grimly. Ehh, maybe he shouldn't have said it. "Not that it won't be all over the school by morning but, don't say a word to anyone. And if you do, you heard it from a portrait."

"Well they do love their gossip," George commented. Harry nearly smiled but then Katie whimpered again and he bowed his head instead. Did the old man feel guilty for this? Harry felt the slightest bit of guilt himself, yet there really wasn't anything he could have done.

It wasn't much longer before Madam Pomfrey ushered them all out. Harry glanced back just before the infirmary doors closed. One last glimpse at his dying teammate. _Get better Katie, then I'll get whoever did this to you._

A/N: Yes. Chapter fifteen I think it is? Normally in the book this happens on the first hogsmead trip. Not here obviously. Ya know, I discovered a new song while writing this. Fucking blew my mind away when I heard it. On the Turning away by pink Floyd. The song was so amazing it gave me a five minute long brain fart. Listen to it my readers. _Listen to it._

12-3-11


	16. Chapter 16

Writers block to the max, but I wanted to get out a chapter for the new year. So Happy fucking New Year to all.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Chapter 16

The compartment Harry sat in was nearly completely silent. Just the constant sound of Tonks humming her favorite songs or singing them under her breath. Well, there was also the sound of the train moving over the tracks, but it seemed hardly noticeable. Hermione was sitting across from him with her nose in a book and Ginny sat next to her, just staring at nothing, deep in thought. Ron was off with Lavender, most likely saying a very long good-bye and Merry Christmas.

"Hermione have you even turned the page once this entire trip?"

Harry opened his eyes and glanced from Tonks who had spoken and to Hermione who looked confused, then to the book. Normally by now she would be at least nearly halfway through, but she was still on the first few pages. "I guess I'm just a little worried." Hermione sighed, snapping her book shut and setting it to the side. Harry knew what she was talking about. Her parents. A few days prior she confided in him while they were in the library (she was avoiding Ron) that she was worried about them. Voldemort knew that she was close to Harry and also a muggleborn. A fine target for him, she said. She was worried that this Christmas would be her last opportunity to see them. She wasn't worried that it would be herself that Voldemort went after, but her parents.

"Nothing's going to happen to them," Harry told her quietly. "I talked to Dumbledore and he said that your house is under constant guard."

"Privet Drive was also guarded!" she snapped before realizing what she said. She covered her eyes with her hand and shook her head. "I'm so sorry."

"And it's also warded." Harry continued, pretending her comment didn't just punch him in the gut. "Heavily. Your parents are a bigger priority than my relatives. My relatives are only guarded because the old man believes that they are innocents in a war they have no part of. I couldn't care less what happens to them however, and I believe that having them guarded is a waste of energy. Your parents though, are different. They deserve to live."

_Harsh._

_Fuck off._

_What's got you in such a pissy mood today?_

_Well gee, what do you think?_

_Ah. So I'm guessing the Voldemort getting into your head, topped off with a bit of death eater junior still eatin at ya?_

Harry scowled. That was precisely why he was pissed. He'd begun hearing the chilling voice around three in the morning. It was just an echoing laughter at first and he woke up immediately and started checking his defenses, trying with all his might to strengthen them. The laughter began to fade. And then, "Open up Harry Potter!" It was a softer voice than Harry thought Voldemort capable of, almost asking him to open up his mind. The way it sounded reminded Harry distinctly of Bellatrix even. It still rang clear in every corner of his mind.

There was no warning. Just a loud crash in his ears that didn't seem to come from the room, yet it sounded like it was everywhere at the same time. After that all he knew was pain, enough of it that he passed out. He forced his mind clear, filing everything away and attempting to raise his shields. Voldemort just crashed right on through.

"Don't worry Harry Potter, I am not trying to see your past. I am merely here to show you something." The voice echoed. And then Harry saw something that chilled him to the bone. Death Eaters. Thousands of them lined up in formation as though they were going into battle. "Frightened, Potter?"

After managing to bring himself into wakefulness, Harry went straight for Dumbledore. They all knew that Voldemort was gaining supporters, but this was more than any of them thought. The old man even said something about bringing Moody back from his mission, muttering that it was now too dangerous. To Harry all that he said was to work on his occlumency.

Then to top it off on his way out of the Great Hall after breakfast he ran into Malfoy. The Slytherin seemed to be in a particularly good mood which pissed Harry off to begin with. He didn't believe the death eater had any right to be in a good mood. Then the mocking came. He was making fun of Katie.

"Slither off to your master!" Harry had snarled before shoving him out of the way and storming in the direction of Gryffindor Tower.

And now here he was, sitting with an awful headache on a bumpy train. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against the cool glass.

"Hey Harry?" Tonks said.

"Hm?" Harry grunted.

"Remember what I said about you killing my happiness?" She paused and waiting for Harry to nod. "Well you're doing it again." Harry opened his eyes and glared at her while Ginny stifled a laugh. Tonks looked completely serious, but Harry couldn't tell if she really was. So he shrugged and closed his eyes again. He could hear Tonks let out an exasperated sigh. "Honestly! It's Christmas! You know, the time for fun and cheer and all that shit?"

"Well I'm sorry that I'm finding cheeriness a little hard to come by at the moment!" he snapped. Tonks seemed unfazed.

"It doesn't mean you have to bring me down too! I have never known anybody with magic so tied to their emotions and it's suffocating to be quite honest!"

Ron entered at that moment, stopping in the doorway for a moment with a slightly confused look on his face. He turned to Harry. "What's up, mate?"

"See!"

"I'm going to sleep," Harry muttered. He didn't want to deal with the upcoming tension between Hermione and Ron. Ginny obviously felt the same because he heard her say something about meeting Dean before she left. And then the complete silence was back, uncomfortable and deafening. But it allowed Harry to rest so he was grateful.

Harry awoke when they arrived at the station just in time to see Hermione dash out of the compartment, leaving her stuff behind. Ron followed with his things soon after. Tonks took one look at Hermione's luggage and left. Harry sighed and piled Hermione's things on top of his. He'd never been that excited to see his family like Hermione was. He'd never dashed off the train so fast he forgot about his things. Nope, they'd never given him a reason.

All of the Weasley's were waiting on the platform along with Remus. Hermione was most likely already through the barrier and greeting her parents. Tonks was talking to Remus, probably not the best idea. If somebody were to notice then questions would be asked.

"Hey there cub," Remus greeted him. He looked tired. Even more than when Harry saw him at the Astronomy Tower the day Dumbledore left. Remus looked at all of the luggage and a small smile broke out on his face. "Might as well start calling you Oats. Or maybe Floppyear."

"Or stinky." Tonks suggested. She seemed to be in a better mood than when Harry fell asleep. He briefly recalled seeing a pile of chocolate wrappers on the seat when he woke up. From past experiences with Tonks in Honeydukes, Harry knew that the chocolate was the cause of her happiness. He would never say it in fear of being cursed, but Tonks could be worse than Ron at times. "Pack mules are normally stinky aren't they?" she added with a grin at Harry who scowled.

_Damn you Hermione._

Remus laughed at the look on Harry's face as his sharp ears picked up on the mumbled threats. He picked up Harry's trunk. It might just be a nice idea to help him out. "Everyone ready?"

When they crossed through the barrier Harry saw Hermione greeting her parents warmly with hugs and kisses. _Aww…_ that annoying voice in his head cooed. Harry rolled his eyes and walked over to the family. He set everything lightly on the ground. "Hey, you forgot your things." He said, making his presence known to his friend.

"Oh, Harry I'm sorry!" she apologized with an embarrassed smile.

"You'd better be. Remus and Tonks are already beginning to call me a pack mule. Thanks for that."

Hermione laughed. "It seems like they're all waiting on you."

Harry didn't bother to look over his shoulder. He knew that she was right. Everyone was so paranoid when going from King's Cross to whatever safe house they'd be going to, like Voldemort would attack at any given moment. Which he probably would, it being Christmas and all. "Yeah, I should go. Merry Christmas, Hermione."

"Merry Christmas. And stay out of trouble!"

As Harry began walking back to the Weasleys, he heard a small, surprisingly quiet voice in his head. I_ have a bad feeling about this Christmas._

Being back at the Burrow reminded Harry why he started liking Christmas after being introduced to the wizarding world. Even though everything was really shitty when you looked at the big picture, everyone in the burrow was just happy. Harry even found amusement when watching the glares Ginny would send at Fleur. The atmosphere at the Burrow was cheery and cozy at any time, but around Christmas time that cheeriness was on steroids.

Harry watched the twins cheering on Bill as the eldest Weasley son played Ron in chess. As far as Harry could tell Ron was winning, but it was still a very close game.

"Come on Bill!" Fred shouted.

"Can't let Ron beat you!" George added. Harry chuckled and went back to the Italian phrase book from Hermione which he found amongst his presents that morning. He didn't want to have to watch his friend lose. It was only a matter of time before the twins shouting made him lose focus.

Soon when Tonks and Remus arrived, not such a big surprise, the chess game was still on. Tonks, sporting a Santa hat and green hair immediately began cheering on Ron who looked like he could use it. Remus sat in an empty seat across from Arthur and the two began talking in hushed voices. Harry didn't bother trying to listen in. Instead he sank back into the couch and closed his eyes.

_You've been quiet_, he remarked and waited for an answer.

_You haven't done much that I can make smartass comments on so I don't feel the need to talk. Thought you'd be happy._

Harry internally shrugged. _Once you get used to something, even if you can't stand it, it's weird when it's no longer there._

_Wise words for a Gryffindor._

_And now I'm happy you've been quiet._

"Hey Stinky!" Tonks interrupted. "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas to you too," Harry said, choosing to ignore his nickname. "You're certainly festive tonight."

"Well it is Christmas, only the happiest time of year after all!"

Harry smiled and glanced around the room. Ron was doing some sort of victory dance, the twins were handing over a few sickles to Ginny and Bill was hanging his head in defeat while Charlie laughed. He watched Fleur come over and drag Bill away. Molly sent them disapproving looks which were promptly ignored as the two left the room. Yes, Christmas was a happy time. "You wouldn't even know that there's a war going on right at this moment, a war that we're struggling to win, if you just took a look at this room."

Tonks began to nod. "Hey, remember what I said about you being a killer of happiness?" Harry scowled and opened his mouth to make a retort but Tonks cut him off. "Well today it's not gonna work. So let go of your pessimistic attitude and open your present." She handed him a large box. It wasn't wrapped or anything and Harry looked at her questioningly. "I can't wrap present for shit, so I stopped trying."

Harry burst out laughing as he pictured Tonks trying to wrap a present, failing miserably before throwing everything to the side and swearing like a sailor. "Alright, I could live with that." He pulled out Tonks' own present from behind the couch along with Remus'. "Remus, catch!" Harry called to the werewolf and tossed him the box, grinning the entire time.

_Think Moony will like his present?_

_Doubt it._

Harry took the lid from the box. He was expecting spell books and was surprised to find an assortment of different items that included several shirts that didn't look several sizes too big, candy, and a set of headphones. He glanced up at Tonks to see that she was opening her present from him. A CD actually, and one that she'd been meaning to get for a long time, he knew. Pink Floyd's A Momentary Lapse of Reason. He'd sent Remus money to get it along with money for the wand holsters for Ron and Hermione.

Tonks reached over and ruffled his hair. "I can't believe you actually listen to my ramblings."

He shrugged and leaned back against the arm of the couch. "Well when you've said it a thousand times it tends to sink in."

"And yet when I say that you kill my happiness it doesn't sink in."

Harry rolled his eyes and was about to make a retort when they were interrupted by Remus. "Really Harry?" he looked up to see that Remus was holding his present in his hand. A single lump of coal. "I'm having second thoughts about giving you your present now!"

"Christmas is a time of giving, Remus," Charlie called over, wearing a large grin. "Don't be selfish."

"Yeah Remus, don't be selfish," Tonks repeated childishly.

After a short argument that held no seriousness, Remus gave Harry his gift which, like Tonks', wasn't wrapped. He had to go outside to get it and when the werewolf returned, Harry's jaw dropped. It was a broomstick, obviously older than most he had seen, but still in good shape. The room had fallen silent at the sight of the broom and they all watched Harry accept his gift. He held it gingerly as though afraid that it would break. He could feel that there was some sort of story behind it and looked up at Remus expectantly.

"It was your father's. It's not as fast as your Firebolt, but I thought you would like to have it."

"Remus," Harry struggled to find his voice. He stared at the broom and ran his fingers over the silver letters that read, _Silver Bullet._ "This is… amazing! I don't even know what to say."

"'Thank you' might be the most polite way to go," Ginny stage whispered. Harry grinned at her.

"Thank you Remus. This means so much."

_This is so fucking beautiful. I think I may just tear up._

….

Harry drifted over to the twins who were sitting in a corner talking in whispers. He could see them looking toward Ron and he shook his head. Ron owed him one. He came up behind the twins and put a hand on each of their shoulders, catching them both by surprise. "C'mon guys. Leave him be at least for tonight."

"You sir," Fred began and George finished, "Would have made an amazing prankster."

Shaking his head Harry said, "I don't think it's for me." He took a seat in an empty chair. "You two been to see Katie yet?"

The twins each adopted somber expressions at the mention of their friend. "We went to see her the other day," Fred answered. "No change."

George cracked his knuckles. "Can't wait until I get my hand on whoever did it."

_Malfoy. Tell them it was Malfoy!_

_No. Malfoy will get what he deserves soon, but not yet. Simmer down._

_Fuck off. We both know that it was Malfoy. Fuck, even the old man knows. He just hasn't done anything!_

Harry winced as the voice rose louder and louder. _What the hell is up with you?_

"You alright there Harry?" George asked suddenly, forcing Harry to bring himself back to the world.

"You looked like you were in pain," Fred added.

"And you didn't answer our question."

"Sorry, headache," Harry muttered. Wasn't a complete lie. _Thanks a lot asshole_. "What was the question?"

Fred and George exchanged looks and Fred said, "We asked who you replaced her with on the team."

Harry grinned. "Oh you two are gonna get a kick out of this." The twins leaned forward eagerly and Harry laughed. "Her name is Erin Howles."

"Tonks!" The twins shouted, causing heads to turn, including Tonks who'd been entertaining Fleur with her many faces.

"What?" she asked.

"I told them who the new chaser is," Harry explained.

"Ah, that makes sense."

"She used to be chaser for the Puffs if you two remember," Harry said, turning back to the twins and ignoring Tonks' angry comment about how Harry referred to her old house. He also ignored Mrs. Weasley scolding her for her language. No profanity around the children.

George nodded. "I remember knocking her off her broom once."

"Yeah, broke my arm from that thank you very much!" Tonks cut in.

Harry and the twins waved off the comment and Harry continued with his story. "I had to beg her to try out actually. There was no way I was going through the hell of finding a chaser after my experience at the beginning of the year. Half of them could hardly fly a broom let alone play quidditch. Another quarter just came to watch. So naturally Tonks would be a good choice since I know she can play already." He smirked. "Though I don't know how she does it when she can barely walk."

"Hey, you better watch it Potter!" Tonks said threateningly. "I know your secrets."

At that Harry sank low in his seat. It was true. She did know way too many of his secrets. _Fucking occlumency lessons._

….

It was close to Midnight when Tonks and Remus began to take their leave. Everyone was beginning to feel drowsy, filled to the point of bursting with food. Even Ron. Harry struggled to keep his eye open and his head kept dropping until his chin hit his chest. Only Remus seemed alert. Not only alert, but there was also a nervous air about him. It made Harry anxious too and he walked with Remus to the door while Tonks was saying good-bye to everyone else.

"What's going on Moony?" he asked in a whisper. Remus shook his head.

"Something's not right."

There was a distant crack that sounded like thunder. But under it there was another sound. Laughing. Laughing wasn't quite the right word though. More like cackling. Harry shuddered as he realized what was happening. Remus tried to push him back into the house but Harry struggled against him as the sound grew louder.

"Let me go!" he shouted. He had to get to Bellatrix. She was getting closer. He could see her, shrouded in a dark fog, coming toward them through the air. Somebody screamed. There was another crack and the house groaned. The insane laughter filled Harry's ears as Bellatrix and her companion touched the ground not twenty feet away. With a snarl Harry managed to shove Remus away. He drew his wand and began firing off curses at his godfather's murderer. Fuck the other death eater. It was probably just a recruit.

"HARRY!"

Bellatrix merely blocked his curses with a flick of her wand. She threw back her head and laughed, before turning and running. She disappeared into the field that surrounded the Burrow, screaming, "I killed Sirius Black!"

_GET HER! LET ME LOOSE!_

A ring of fire erupted from the ground and separated Harry from the death eaters. The flames were moving closer and closer to the house and Harry was dimly away of those coming out to fight off the fire. His thoughts were on Bellatrix. She couldn't get away. Without stopping to think about it, Harry ran straight through the flames.

"YOU IDIOT!" Tonks shouted.

"I Killed Sirius Black! I killed Sirius Black!"

_She's taunting us! We must make her pay!_

A crimson colored curse flew by his ear. Harry turned and fired a reductor through the grass, pouring as much magic as he could into the spell. There was a strangled scream of pain, but the voice wasn't that of Bellatrix or anyone familiar. Harry continued on, listening for the taunts. There was only silence

"Come on out Bellatrix!" he shouted. "Come on out and fight me you worthless bitch!"

_Yesss. _

The furious scream chilled Harry to the bone. He had to jump out of the way of several dark curses that sprang from the grass, Bellatrix appearing behind them. Harry felt something snap in him and his control began to slide away. He was hardly aware of the spells that were coming from his wand, his brain not processing them. Harry slowly began to find that he was no longer in control at all. Darkness began to surround him.

_No!_ he shouted at the horcrux. The only response was laughter.

The only thing Harry saw before darkness completely overtook his vision was a red curse coming straight at him. And then came pain.

….

Tonks could hear the screams. Harry's screams, yet they weren't quite Harry's at the same time. She exchanged a scared glance with Bill who was running along side her. Whatever the hell was happening wasn't good. The pain in Harry's voice was clear.

"Watch out!" Bill shouted, but the warning was too late. Tonks tripped over some unseen object and landed face first in mud. She swore and went to glare whatever had blocked her path, but found that she had to hold back a gasp. What she had tripped over was what appeared to be a body, but it was so mangled it was hard to tell. There was a pool of blood surrounding it and Tonks found herself covered in it.

"Harry…" this had to be his doing. She looked up at Bill who looked sick before taking his offered hand and pulling herself up. Another scream had them running again. The cries were becoming louder and louder.

They burst into a clearing and took in the scene. Harry was writhing on the ground in pain, screaming and tearing at his ruined shirt as though it were strangling him. On the other side of the clearing Bellatrix Lestrange had her wand leveled at him, a satisfied smile on her face. It disappeared when she saw the newcomers.

"Nymphadora," She said. "How nice to see you again."

"Don't. Call Me. Nymphadora," Tonks growled.

"Well this really has been a nice chat, but…" Bellatrix fired a single curse. Tonks raised her wand to defend against it but it wasn't aimed at her. She watched in horror as it collided with Harry's already limp body. "I really must be going."

One last cackle and a small pop, then Bellatrix was gone.

….

Done. Thank god. Once again, Happy fuckin new year.

1-1-12


	17. Chapter 17

Damn, some people seemed sarcastically angry for the cliffhanger. I mean jeeze, every story has one! Well, hopefully this chapter will be better than the last, hopefully not as rushed. Also the next update probably won't be for a long time so that I can work on my other story.

Disclaimer: I don't own harry potter

Chapter 17:

Harry stood in the darkness. He could see nothing, hear nothing, but he felt the pain. It was just barely there, but he felt it. What the fuck happened? How did the horcrux manage to get control like that? Harry growled and found himself wishing there was something around to take his anger out on. Just darkness.

"YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" He screamed, hoping that the horcrux could hear him. The pain grew stronger and Harry found that he could barely keep himself standing. It wasn't hard to figure out what was going on. The horcrux was losing against Bellatrix Lestrange. "NICE FUCKING JOB! YOU JUST GOT US KILLED!"

"Will you shut the fuck up?"

The voice came from behind him. Harry turned and saw a body forming seemingly from the shadows. His body. He stared into the crimson eyes. "How does it feel?"

Red-eyes shrugged. "Well I see why you found me so annoying."

Harry snarled. And then it hit him. "What the hell are you doing here? You should be out there!" Harry pointed to the right. Obviously there was nothing there, but it seemed right to point at something.

The horcrux rubbed the back of his head much like Harry felt he would have done. "Well… funny story bout that…"

"YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" Harry roared, advancing on the horcrux.

"Calm the fuck down! Obviously we're not dead."

Harry laughed bitterly. Was this guy fucking stupid. "Oh? And how long do you think we're going to last? Right now that crazy bitch is probably taking us to Voldemort. Good fucking job!" Harry began to clap his hands sarcastically. "Let's all give dumbass over here a round of applause for his amazing performance!" he shouted at some invisible audience, knowing that he probably looked insane.

Red-eyes growled and drew his wand, pushing it into Harry's throat. Harry was a step ahead and doing the same thing. They stared at each other, silently begging the other into just making a single move. The horcrux opened his mouth. The battle had begun.

…..

They were back at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. There was no way they could stay at the Burrow now. Mrs. Weasley was now hovering over Harry's bed, doing her best to keep him comfortable while everyone else just watched and Tonks apparently searching for something. Harry groaned in pain and they all winced. There wasn't much that they could do other than force a potion down his throat that would help with the effects of the cruciatus curse and wait. The second curse that Tonks knew he'd been hit with just before Bellatrix disapparated didn't have anything the stop it. The victim had to just wait it out and deal with the pain and vomiting that followed.

"Is he going to be alright?" Ginny asked for what had to be the twentieth time.

"He's going to be fine," Tonks told her patiently as she opened the top drawer of the dresser. Nothing. "The curse that's doing this is normally used on prisoners that death eaters keep for information. It normally lasts two or three days. It's only been a few hours." She knelt down and checked under the bed. Nope. "It's not as effective as the cruciatus, nor is it as pleasing for them to cast so it's not very common. Bellatrix just used it to spite us." _Fucking bitch._ Tonks walked around to the other side of the bed and opened the drawer of the stand that Harry used to keep his cigarettes in. And there it was. She took out the CD player and turned it on, knowing that the Neil Young CD would already be in it.

"What are you doing?" Fleur asked curiously watching Tonks put the headphones over Harry's ears.

"This thing plays music. It helps him relax," Tonks explained. She sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed and glared at Harry. He was an idiot, going after Bellatrix Lestrange. And when he woke up she was going to smack him in the head so hard he would be seeing stars. She continued to glare at him until he noticed something on his shirt. Where did that come from? She pulled back the blanket and revealed even more blood leaking through his shirt. "Molly!" Tonks unbuttoned the shirt, fumbling over each button to the point where she needed help from Mrs. Weasley. There was a deep gash a few inches long running along his ribs.

That wasn't an effect of the curse.

"Is that supposed to happen?" Ron asked.

"Yes." Everyone looked up at the voice of Albus Dumbledore. Tonks frowned at the outright lie but the old wizard went on, "Or rather it can. Depending on the caster."

Another lie, but Tonks understood what he was doing. She glanced at Harry and saw him tense and moan. Whatever was happening it must have something to do with the horcrux. So she held her tongue and waited while Molly kicked everyone out. Only she and Dumbledore remained where they were, Tonks because she would be able to help if it was needed. Tonks didn't even bother to try and figure out Dumbledore's own reasons.

Harry shot up in bed and screamed suddenly. Mrs. Weasley jumped backwards in shock and Tonks tried to force him to lie back down. Another cut appear across his cheek, shallow this time and Tonks covered it with her sleeve. Harry's eyes opened for a moment, flickering between red and green and filled with pain. Then they closed again. Tonks looked up at Dumbledore to see if he'd seen what she had. He dipped his head ever so slightly in affirmative.

…..

An hour later Dumbledore made to take his leave. Harry had settled down again and wound had stopped appearing. He was now under the watchful eye of Mrs. Weasley. But just before Dumbledore went to floo back to the school, Tonks caught up to him. He seemed to have expected her because he just stood there, hands clasped behind his back in wait.

"Professor," Tonks began.

"Miss Tonks you are no longer a student. There is no need to refer to me as professor anymore."

"Well sir, actually I am a student again. And I think I will always refer to you as professor. But I wanted to ask you what the hell is going on? I know it has to do with the horcrux. But I don't get what's happening."

Dumbledore nodded slowly before flicking his wand. Privacy charm. "I'm sure you know that when Mr. Potter becomes angry, the horcrux gains power, feeding off of the negative emotions. It seems that last night Harry's hatred for Bellatrix Lestrange was so great that the horcrux found his opportunity to gain total control."

Tonks knew all of this. From what Harry told her in the past she was able to figure all of that out for herself. "But what's happening right now with it?"

"I would think that it's obvious. They are fighting for control." Dumbledore said simply. Tonks just stared. Her expression was completely blank. "Are you alright?"

Tonks shook herself and gave a small nod. "What happens if Harry loses?"

"I don't know."

…..

Harry opened his eyes to darkness. Pain filled every inch of his body, but he forced himself to sit up. His body screamed with pain and Harry saw that he was covered with gashes. There was a lack of blood. Just torn flesh and he had to look away. He looked around and saw a shape huddled on the ground a few feet away. Had to be the horcrux. Harry crawled over to him on his hand and knees. Crimson eyes glared hatefully back at him.

"Come to gloat?" his lips barely moved, but his voice sounded stronger than Harry expected.

What? Gloat over what? "What happened?"

"You don't remember?" Harry shook his head. "Well fuck if I'm gonna tell you."

Harry frowned. He raised his hand and smacked the horcrux with the side of his hand. The response was a pained scream.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!" The horcrux shouted, still laying unmoving though. "You Karate chopped me!"

"Tell me."

Red-eyes shook his head. "You win. Won. That's all I'm saying. Now don't fucking touch me, I'm trying to heal dammit! You practically crushed every bone in my body."

Horcruxes have bones? That's what Harry wanted to ask. He settled with, "How?"

"I said that I'm not telling you anymore. What does it matter? You won."

Harry looked down at the cuts covering his body. No blood. It was a little unnerving. "Well, what about me? How do I heal myself?"

"Good question. Horcruxes have ways of protecting themselves as you know. That's how I'm doing this. But you're real body also suffered damage. The same damage we both suffered. It's a wonder you're alive at the moment, most likely thanks to Molly. But most damage won't be able to be healed by her magic, or Madam Pomfrey's, or any other healers."

Harry didn't like where this was going at all.

"I can heal it though. Just give me control for a bit."

He looked at the horcrux in complete disbelief. "You really think that's going to happen?"

"If you want to move again anytime soon. Listen, you won. You're the Captain. I'll heal your body and then you get control again. I just want something in return."

"Which is?"

"Once a month, I want to be let out. One day a month, that's all. No harm will be inflicted on anyone."

Harry actually laughed. "You must think I'm crazy."

"Aren't you?"

Harry frowned and crossed his arms in a joking way. "Touché. But the answer is still no. You are the one who said that I'm the captain."

"And a captain can be overthrown by his own crew if they see fit." Red-eyes growled. Harry snarled at him. They stared at one another, eyes gleaming with hatred.

"Fine. But not a full day. I'll give your five hours."

"I can make do with that."

Harry sighed and lay down on his back. The asshole was right, he was fucking crazy.

…

Tonks opened her eyes, cursing when she realized that she'd fallen asleep. She was supposed to be watching over Harry in case anything changed. The last thing that happened had been the worst. Just a sickening crunch and his body gone limp. Tonks shivered just thinking about it. Not even Madame Pomfrey could heal him and nobody knew what to do. Dumbledore just told them to wait. Tonks rubbed her eyes tiredly. It had been two days. He hadn't even woken up once.

"Fucking idiot," she muttered, finally looking over at Harry. She nearly screamed, but covered her mouth and bit her finger just in time. Harry's eyes were open and staring right at her. They were a deep red. They showed pain, but Tonks could also tell that he was bored. "Harry?"

"Nope. I'm what he refers to as Red-eyes. He's not all that creative."

Tonks could only gape for a moment. Red-eyes looked at her expectantly. "And… where's Harry?"

"Resting. Don't worry, the captain will be back. I'm just healing his body. And it's taking longer than it's expected."

"Healing his…" Tonks reached over and pulled back the blankets. She peeled back one of the bandages only to see healed skin. There was a faint scar, but even that was disappearing.

"Mind being a bit more gentle," Red-eyes muttered, grimacing with pain.

"Sorry," Tonks said hastily and sat back in her chair. "How are you doing that? Madam Pomfrey—"

"It's a different kind of magic," Red-eyes interrupted. "Horcruxes have means of protecting themselves from enemies. I can heal as fast as I'm wounded. It's a wonder that the captain won. You ought to be proud of him."

Tonks shook her head. "I just want to beat him at the moment. And you actually, but I would feel bad afterwards."

Red-eyes shrugged. Then he winced at the movement. "You're mad because of him chasing after that bitch. I'm the one who influenced him to do it. It wasn't very hard either." Red-eyes pushed himself up on his elbow and leaned toward Tonks. "See, Captain and I have the same desires. He just might not be aware of them. Like how he wants Bellatrix Lestrange dead. He wants to be the one who kills her, and he wants it done in the most painful way he can manage."

"That doesn't sound like him."

"You're the one who was rummaging around in his mind. Watching his memories. You saw the way he went after that bitch after she killed Sirius. Using the cruciatus wasn't like the harry you know either. It just shows that you and everyone else know the Harry they want to know and the person he want them to see."

Tonks sank a little in her seat. She remembered seeing the memory of Harry going after her aunt and she remembered the look in his eyes after she'd seen it. Then there was the expression on his face the minute they'd all heard the laughter that came from Bellatrix. The dead death eater lying mangled in the grass at the burrow, victim of an overpowered reductor. "Who was it who killed the death eater?"

"The Captain."

"Is that the truth?"

"Course. Why should I lie to you? There's nothing for me to gain."

Tonks frowned. Now why couldn't Harry think like that? "Why are you being so civil?"

"I don't want to fuck things up for myself."

Tonks was about to interrupt but she was interrupted by a new voice. "Harry! You're awake!" Ron walked in, grinning until he saw the eyes. Then he recoiled as though he'd been punched and stumbled backwards. Red-eyes raised a brow and Tonks shook her head. "What the hell!"

"It's alright Ron," Tonks whispered. "Just be quiet."

"How is it alright!"

"You're friend and I have come to an agreement," Red-eyes said. "I'll leave it to him to explain it cause you probably won't be too happy. But he'll be back soon. I'm only healing the wounds."

"That you caused!"

Red-eyes grinned. "Actually they're from the both of us combined. He's the one who crushed all of the bones. So there." His grin turned smug and Ron turned his head away. He looked at Tonks instead. "I came up to tell you that you're shift is over and it's my turn, though I can't say I want to sit in here with _him._"

"I'll stay with him a while longer. I think it's best if nobody else is with him except you or me."

"What, don't trust me?"

Red-eyes was ignored as Ron nodded. Alright, if that's ok with you. Want me to say that there's no change?"

"Don't even say anything. I don't want them coming up and asking questions."

"Right." With one last glared at the horcrux Ron left. Tonks sighed and closed her eyes.

"Ya know, if you wanted to be alone with me you just had to say it."

Her eyes snapped back open and she glared at the smirking boy. "You shut up. You ought to be thankful."

"Hey, I don't mind you staying here." He smiled wider. "That chair doesn't look so comfortable. Why not come over here?"

Tonks smacked her forehead. "What have I gotten myself into?"

….

Harry opened his eyes again, this time seeing not darkness, but the ceiling of his room at Grimmauld place. He frowned. The horcrux had failed to tell him that. He tried to sit up but his muscles screamed with pain and he went limp again. _I thought you were going to heal me!_

_I did. I couldn't help the damage from the cruciatus curse though. Besides, I wanted to make sure that you learned something from this experience._

_YOURE THE ONE WHO GOT ME TORTURED IN THE FIRST PLACE!_

_Hey, calm down. I have a surprise for you so you can't be mad._

_What sort of surprise._

_Look to your left._

Harry turned his head to the left and his eyes shot wide open when he saw a mass of pink hair. Only one person he knew of had pink hair. He reached out and gently shook Tonks' shoulder. She groaned and rolled over so that she was facing him. It wasn't as though he'd never been that close to a girl before, obviously he had been much closer, but the fact that it was Tonks made him feel uncomfortable. He didn't know why because she'd slept in his bed before either. Harry shook her shoulder again and Tonks finally opened her eyes, confusion showing in them.

"Tonks, why are you in my bed." He asked calmly.

"Hmm? Shut up and let me sleep."

Harry scratched his head. _Should have seen that one coming._ Harry forced himself to sit up, groaning at the effort. "Ow,ow,ow,ow." He shook Tonks' should more roughly. "Tonks, wake up."

Her eyes open again, this time more clear. "What?"

"Why are you in my bed?"

"You don't want to know how many times I've heard that." Tonks groaned and rolled away until she managed to slide off the edge of the bed, taking the blankets with her. Harry shivered as the cold air hit his skin. "Anyway, I was just trying to bother the horcrux." Tonks tossed him the blanket which he gratefully wrapped around his shoulders.

"To be honest, I don't see how having a beautiful woman in the bed with him would bother him in any way." He said cheekily. As punishment, Tonks ripped the blanket away and began to walk away with it. Childish, but enough to make harry apologize. "Alright! I'm sorry Tonks, I'm sorry that I gave you a compliment!"

"Good," she said with satisfaction and gave him back the blanket. She sat on the edge of the bed. "So how do you feel?"

Harry covered himself with the blanket and lay back down, pulling it over his head. "Like I've been hit by the Hogwarts Express five times then pummeled by the centaurs and hippogriffs."

"Yeah, being a fucking dumbass will do that to you."

Harry sighed. He rubbed his eyes and stared at the light filtering in through a hole in the blanket. "I know what I did was stupid, but I think I've been punished enough."

"You were held under the cruciatus for about ten minutes before Bill and I managed to get to you. Give or take a few minutes. You're damn lucky my aunt likes to play with her victims and she didn't take you straight to You-Know-Who."

"I know. I fucked up real bad, Tonks."

There was a pause and Harry waited for Tonks to respond. He could tell she was going to say something, he didn't need to see her. "You killed someone. Did you know that?"

Harry froze. He tried to remember casting the killing curse, but he couldn't. "Who?"

"A death eater. An unknown one, probably on his first mission. I think it was a reductor curse."

He flinched. Now he remembered. The man had screamed only for a moment. Harry felt sick. He clutched his stomach, imagining what that man must've looked like. "I don't feel so great, Tonks."

Tonks rubbed his back soothingly. "You have to remember that we're in the middle of a war. Any one of us could have been killed last night. You did what you had to do. The fact that you feel like this now is good."

"Doesn't feel good."

Tonks pulled away the blanket from his face and smiled sadly at him. "I Hate to say this, but it gets easier." She ruffled his hair and stood up. "I'll go and tell Mrs. Weasley that you're awake."


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: it's been a long time and I apologize for that. You might even want to re-read the last few chapters and refresh your mind. But anyway, the end of this story is coming near. Just several more chapters. Then I'll be starting part two.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Chapter 18:

Harry threw up a shield as a knife came slicing through the air at his chest. As the blade hit the wall of magic it was disintegrated and the dust swirled around him before disappearing. Sometimes, Harry seriously considered the possibility that Mad-eye Mood had finally lost what was left of his sanity and was trying to kill him. Especially during the last few sessions since Christmas break had ended. Mad-eye had returned from his mission at the same time without any inclination to answer Harry's questions about what had happened. Since then their routine had gone back to normal, although they were different at the same time. The last time Harry had actually learned something from his mentor was their last training session before Mad-eye left for his mission. Now the only spells he learned were from the Half-Blood Prince.

More curses whizzed on by and Harry dodged each one, sending several of his own back at the ex-auror. Moody was forced to put up a shield and Harry saw his chance. He bombarded the shield with his strongest spells that were also easy to cast so that he could get many in a short amount of time. Mad-eye was forced back several steps before the shield shattered into pieces, disappearing into thin air as Moody flew back into the wall. He slumped to the ground with a quiet thud. Harry threw his fists into the air.

"Yes!"

His victory party was cut short with a blinding flash of light and a low hiss as his mentor's curse streamed across the room. Harry hit the ground, clutching his stomach. A bludgeoner. A fucking bludgeoner. Harry groaned and rolled onto his side, staring at Moody's shoes. "Don't say it. I already know." He sat up, making sure that nothing was broken first, and looked up at his mentor. Mad-eye was rubbing his shoulder and glaring down at Harry with both eyes as though prompting him to go on. "Never think that you're opponent has been beaten until he's been stunned, bound, or killed. And always make sure his wand has been taken away."

"Right in one, Potter. Now, if only you could think like that when it matters."

"I'm trying sir, and I've gotten better. When was the last time I lost my temper?"

"Christmas," Moody said as he sat down in a chair that seemed to appear out of nowhere. "And it only took you killing a man and then nearly getting killed yourself to figure it out."

Harry flinched as though he'd been struck. This was the first time Mad-eye had spoken to him about the events at Christmas. Harry still felt sickened by what he'd done to the death eater. He'd even asked Tonks to show him her memory of tripping over the mangled body just so that he could see what he'd done. Afterwards he'd thrown up. "I know sir. When I heard Bellatrix I completely lost it and I fucked up."

"Yes, you did. I never thought I would say this, but you're damn lucky that Lestrange like to play with her food. Otherwise you'd be dead right now, your body paraded through Diagon Alley. And then where would the Light be right now? The wizarding world is comparing you to Dumbledore at this very moment. If either died people would lose hope quickly. Then the war would be over."

_One less horcrux, _Harry thought.

_Ever think of what might happen to me if you were killed? I might just take over your body._

"I'm aware of that too," Harry said. He chose to ignore Red-eyes. Of course he'd thought about that in that past. He couldn't imagine the thought of two Voldemorts running around.

"I'm sure you are," Moody said. He leaned forward with his hands on his knees. His normal eye narrowed slightly while the Magical one spun around in its socket. "But you need to prove it, and so far you've done a piss poor job of doing so. Now, get out of here."

Harry checked the clock on the wall behind him. With a small amount of surprise he noted that it was a half an hour earlier than he was supposed to leave. This was the third time Moody had done this. Harry nodded once and left the room of requirement, feeling slightly discouraged after how things had gone. He wasn't learning anything from Mad-eye or the old man who he hadn't spoken to since the day back from break. He was being told to leave earlier and earlier without any explanation at all.

_Maybe they're figuring out that you're just a lost cause._

Harry frowned, but made no response as he approached the Fat Lady. Hey, maybe the horcrux was right after all. The Fat Lady seemed to be expecting him as she'd become used to him coming and going at night, but it didn't stop her from making comments about it every time. He walked into the common room and scanned the room for his friends. Hermione, Ron, and Tonks were all sitting on one of the couches, Tonks in the middle looking extremely aggravated. Hermione was on her left with her nose buried in a book and Ron was on her right finishing the essay for Charms that was due the next day. Just from the ex-auror's expression Harry knew that the two had been fighting while he was gone.

"Scoot over," Harry told Hermione and he sat down next to her. He could now see that she was reading the same book about Horcruxes that he'd gotten from the secret room at Number twelve. He figured that it couldn't hurt to let her read it since she was trying so hard to find some way to get rid of his horcrux problem.

"How did it go?" Hermione asked once he'd sat down. She set the book on her lap, bending the corner of the page to mark her place. She looked him up and down, her eyes resting on a single cut on his arm. "You're not too battered and you're back early again."

Harry rested his chin on his fist and scowled. "We dueled. He won. We talked about Christmas for the first time. He told me to leave. I'm not learning anything! There's so much more that I need to know, nobody is teaching me a thing. I've talked to Dumbledore once but now he just keeps saying that he's too busy. Obviously helping me find a way out of this mess I'm in isn't a top priority. It's like last year all over again! At this rate Voldemort will kill me before I've even had the chance to utter a single spell!"

"Calm down," Tonks muttered, rubbing her eyes. "They've got their reasons!"

"Well maybe they ought to tell me some if they aren't going to teach me anything! Then I won't be completely in the dark!"

"The world doesn't revolve around you Mr. Chosen One!" Tonks snapped back.

Harry's eye flared red for a moment before burning with an emerald fire. "Don't call me that and don't treat me like a child!" he hissed through his teeth. "I know that it doesn't revolve around me, _Erin, _but maybe I might just want to live through the war."

"What about your friends here? Do you think they don't want to live? I haven't once heard them complain about not getting any training, but you moan and groan about Mad-eye making you leave early!"

"Enough, both of you!" Hermione interrupted. Ron had also set his essay aside to witness the escalating argument. "There are people listening!"

"People are always listening!" Harry snarled at her. He looked away, figuring that the conversation was over, but Tonks grabbed his arm and dragged him off the couch and back through the portrait hole he'd come through just minutes before. The Fat Lady called out to them that if she were sleeping when they got back then they would be sleeping in the corridor for the night, but her warning was ignored. Tonks continued dragging him away until Harry had finally had enough of it and wrenched his arm away. "At this rate we'll be caught by Filch!"

"Just fucking listen to me for five minutes and we'll be back before curfew. I'm sure that it will be quite the task for you!"

Harry crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall, glaring at the woman in front of him. She was Tonks again, with the bright red hair that signaled she was pissed. _Might as well get it over with, Captain. She's not going to let you go. I think we learned that when she wants something out of you, she's going to get it. Even if she has to tackle you down the stairs. I think the same rule applies when she has something to say. _He had a point there. There had been several times where Tonks had indeed tackled him for some information. "Fine. Go on."

She didn't need telling twice. "First of all, you have no fucking clue what's happening out there right now at this very moment!" she began, pointing to her right with the impression that she was talking about out in the world in general, not the walls of Hogwarts. Harry wished to make a retort that h would if somebody would tell him, but he kept his mouth shut. "You don't know what it's like right now. We are losing this war and every order member is stressed out to the max, waiting for some news of another attack. You bitch and whine that nobody tells you what's going on, but you don't even get what everybody's is going through right now! They don't have time to satisfy your every fucking wish!"

Harry opened his mouth to protest but she held up her hand. "No, you just shut up and listen! I already know that you're going to say that you're not a child and I don't want to hear it. You're sixteen, you're underage, and you're a kid. I don't care what kind of shit you've seen, it doesn't apply here."

Harry looked away and stared down the corridor. The candles were still lit, though soon they would be going out. He waited for Tonks to continue as she still obviously had more to say. He was surprised when her voice became quiet. "You-know-who is gathering forces at a scary pace. He's recruiting witches and wizards from all over the continent, most of which aren't even purebloods. They're just too afraid to fight against him, so they'll fight for him and hope that they stay safe one the war is over. He's got the giants, the dementors and most of the werelupe population on his side already. To add onto this, his next goal is to get the vampires to join his side, which won't take much convincing. What we've got is a handful of aurors and the order, so I'm sorry if we don't have much time to teach your sorry ass a few spells."

Harry didn't even look at her. Who could actually be so stupid as to join Voldemort and believe that they would be safe? Voldemort would just kill off any half-blood he could find if he were to win the war. The same went for the werewolves. He would just rid the world of what he found were inferior half-breeds. Harry shook his head and the stupidity of the world. "Sorry I snapped, Tonks. I'm just stressed out too, you know? I'm nervous as hell about Voldemort attacking anybody when I know that it's possible that I can stop it. I know that the connection is supposed to be closed, and it is, but there's always the temptation of opening it again and seeing what he's up to. I _always _have him in my head and if I do something to piss him off he'll take over again."

"I thought the two of you came to an agreement."

"Treaties can be broken." He shook his head and began to walk away. He was tires, he was sore, and he really needed a fucking smoke. "You're wrong that I don't understand. I feel that same stress that you and the rest of the order feel. But you don't understand my stress one bit."

…

The burning of his scar caught Harry way off guard the next morning. It hadn't happened in so long that the pain felt twice as bad as it ever had. He sat straight up in his bed, pressing his palm tight against his forehead which felt as though hot iron was being held against it. Somewhere in the back of his mind he felt intense happiness. That bastard. "Who the hell does he think he is?" Harry muttered bitterly before swinging his legs over the side of his bed and standing up.

It was still dark outside, probably only somewhere around five in the morning if Harry were to take a guess. The others would still be sleeping for a while yet so Harry decided to take a shower, hoping that it would relax him and maybe ease the pain a little.

Why was his scar hurting all of a sudden? He'd been able to control that for months since he'd been able to create shields around his mind using occlumency. _Maybe because you were an emotional wreck last night. _Harry mentally scowled. "I was not an emotional wreck," he muttered out loud in response. But it did explain things a little for him. His strong feelings of anger and resent the night before had probably caused his mental shields to weaken. He doubted the Voldemort was even aware of it.

He spent the next half hour standing under the water letting the sound and feel of it soothe him. This time was spent rebuilding his shields, imagining great walls of dark, glass-like stone. They curved toward the top creating a dome. The walls were thick and would keep out even Snape's attempts at probing his mind. If someone were to try and break the stone Harry would know immediately and be able to kick them out. A small part of his mind would by dedicated to keeping these walls up.

The others were just beginning to wake up when Harry exited the bathroom. Dean was sitting up and rubbing his eyes, Neville was trying to figure a way out of his tangle of blankets and Seamus was muttering about sunlight. Ron was the only one still asleep, snoring away without any intention of waking up. Harry wasn't going to be the one to make the attempt to rouse his sleeping friend, so he headed down for the common room.

Already there were students awake. Most were trying to finish their essays and other homework that would be due for the day. Tonks was sprawled in an armchair, humming quietly while swinging her feet from side to side. He thought back to their conversation the previous night and sat a little farther away. Tonks watched him from the corner of her eye, but didn't say a word.

The silence stretched as the common room began to fill with students waiting for their friends so that they could go to breakfast. Finally Hermione came down, followed by Ginny, Lavender and Parvati. At the same time Ron came down with Neville. Lavender made a beeline for Ron and Harry watched as Neville hastily backed away from the two. He had the right idea. Harry and Tonks both stood as Hermione got up to them, frowning at how far away they sat from one another. She stopped and peered closely at Harry's face.

"You're pale," she commented, pressing the back of her hand against his forehead to check for a fever. "Are you feeling alright? Sick?"

He shook his head and smiled. "I'm fine Hermione. Let's go and get some breakfast. I'm starving!"

…

"Harry please tell us what's wrong." Harry sighed quietly at the question. She'd been bugging him all day about it, no matter how many he said he was fine. She knew him too damn well. Harry followed his classmates out of Transfiguration classroom. Thankfully he had a free period while Hermione had Ancient Runes. Harry opened his mouth to respond to her question, but Ron beat him to it.

"Merlin, Hermione! Leave the guy alone for once!" Harry mentally smacked himself and Ron for saying that. Thanks to him things were going to get bad really fast, something Harry didn't want to deal with. He even felt his eye twitch at the look of outrage on Hermione's face. "Obviously he doesn't want to say anything, that is if anything is wrong in the first place! You are probably just overreacting as always!"

And then it started. The two had stopped walking and were facing each other, Hermione's hands on her hips and Ron's arms crossed over his chest. Harry and Tonks who stood a few paces ahead shared an exasperated glance. For the first time since earlier the previous day they were on the same page. "Well I'm sorry, _Ronald,_ but I happen to care about his wellbeing and you would have to be blind to not notice something wrong!"

"I care too you know! I just have the sense not to pester him about it every five minutes!"

Harry's eye twitched again. _Make them shut up, Captain. _"Enough out of the both of you! I don't know what the hell your problems are these days and I don't particularly care either. Just work it out already! I'm sick of hearing the two of you bitching at each other over everything. If you can't work it out then don't fight around me. It pisses him off." He moved quickly away from them to save what was left of his sanity. The Room of Requirement seemed like a good place to go at the moment, just so that he could be alone for a while, so he went there, passing a young first year girl from Hufflepuff (according to her robes anyway since Harry didn't recognize her), paced three times and asked for a comfortable place all to himself to gather his thoughts.

Nothing happened.

"You bastard," Harry muttered, realizing that somebody was already occupying the room. It was probably some couple who wanted a place to screw around where they wouldn't get caught. He leaned against the wall knowing that there was a good possibility that someone would come looking for him soon. Where could he go now? "Maybe I ought to go visit Hedwig," he said to himself. It had been a while since he'd seen his owl. There was nobody to write to without Sirius and she was too noticeable to begin with even if he were to write anyone.

His second stop was the Owlery. Hedwig landed on his shoulder almost immediately and nipped his ear sharply. Harry smiled at his snowy owl and gently stroked her feathers. "I'm sorry girl. It's been a while since I came to see you, I know. But things have been a little rough lately." Harry continued to talk to his owl, telling her what was going on in his life. He just felt the need to talk to somebody who would just listen to him without criticizing his actions. Obviously that would be his owl.

_Some might think you were crazy if they saw you talk to that thing._

_Her name is Hedwig and some already think I'm nuts._

_Very true, Captain. And this is why._

…

Harry returned to the common room after curfew that night. He'd completely skipped the rest of his classes, opting to sit up in the Owlery. He'd finally gotten his head on straight again and he really did feel considerably better. He scanned the common room for Ron, Hermione or Tonks. Ron was with Lavender of course and Hermione was sitting at one of the tables doing homework. He didn't see Tonks anywhere. Harry decided to sit with Hermione and apologize for snapping earlier, but when he sat down he noticed her worried expression that had nothing to do with the arithmancy she was working on.

"What's wrong?" he asked with a feeling of foreboding.

Hermione looked up at him with a bit of surprise. She regarded him for a few moments before saying, "Dumbledore called a sudden order meeting apparently, just after classes ended for the day. Tonks, McGonagall and Snape are all gone."

Harry frowned. "That's all? Order meeting happen all the time." He glanced over at Ron and Lavender in an armchair. His favorite armchair at that. Then he gave Hermione a sly smile. "Are you sure that this has nothing to do with Won Won and Lav Lav?"

Hermione's mouth dropped open. "And what makes you say that?"

Harry grinned. "Oh nothing. Forget I said a thing."

"Gladly." Hermione went back to her homework and scribbled down a bit of what Harry considered absolute gibberish. She glanced up at his still grinning face and smiled a little. "You seem to be feeling better now. You look better too."

Harry rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "Yeah, I spent the day with Hedwig. I'm sorry for snapping at you and Ron earlier. Last night my occlumency shields crashed without me knowing it. That'll happen when I get pissed like that. But this morning when I woke up my scar was burning like hell because the connection was back open. It freaked me out a bit. Voldemort was happy about something and I was caught off guard. I doubt he even knows I felt anything at this point."

Hermione covered her mouth and shook her head. "What did you and Tonks talk about last night?"

He didn't know how to answer that. Tonks had told him things only known by the Order and he doubted that she would want him to tell anybody, even his friends. She would probably be in trouble if anyone found out that she'd given him information. _But she had to have known that I would tell Ron and Hermione. _He rubbed the stubble on his chin thoughtfully and Checked to make sure that the few people who were in the common room weren't listening in. He leaned forward over the table and spoke quietly. "She bitched at me for a while for acting the way I was. And then she told me about what Voldemort is up to."

"And that is?"

"He's gathering forces from all over Europe. Half-bloods and purebloods. They're joining him out of fear, with the hope that they won't have to fight against him. We're losing the war. There aren't enough people who are willing to fight for the light, yet everyone is so afraid of the dark."

"We're losing? That can't be!"

"It is," Harry told her. "Do you really still believe that Voldemort wouldn't recruit teenagers to follow him? Malfoy's father was a death eater. Malfoy was raised on Voldemort's beliefs for Merlin's sake!"

Hermione began to nod. "I supposed you could be right." Harry sat up straighter in surprise when she said that. He wasn't expecting her to agree with him so suddenly when she'd denied the possibility for five months. Hermione saw the triumphant smirk beginning to show on his face and added, "But what could Voldemort trust him with?"

Harry shrugged. "Who knows?"

…..

Harry snapped awake in the common room. It was completely dark with the fire out save for the bit of moonlight coming in through the windows. Full Moon tonight. Harry sat up and stretched, wondering how long he'd been out for. He'd tried to stay awake and wait for Tonks to come back in, but it had to be after two in the morning by now. For all he knew she'd gotten back while he was asleep. He got to his feet and headed for the stairs. _Might as well sleep in my bed tonight, _he thought tiredly. His foot was on the first step when he heard a creak.

"Will you shut the hell up already? I won't bother you again." A familiar voice muttered to the Fat Lady who was complaining about students coming and going at all hours. He could see a figure moving through the dark.

"Tonks?"

There was a quick gasp and Harry stepped into the light from the window. "Harry! You scared the shit out of me!" Tonks whispered as she walked over to him. "Why are you awake still? It's late." Now that it was lighter Harry could see Tonks fully. She was in her normal form, the sexy Narcissa Malfoy one, and she looked exhausted. Her face was pale and dark circles hung beneath her eyes. She looked like shit. "I got you these though." Tonks pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her back pocket and handed them to Harry who then noticed the bandages on her arms that hadn't been there earlier. The pack was already open with one or two missing.

"Thanks," harry said as he grabbed the pack and opened the window a crack. He took one out and Tonks lit it with her wand. Harry saw more bandages the came out from under her t- shirt on her shoulder and up to her neck "I fell asleep. What the hell happened to you? Hermione told me there was an order meeting."

Tonks gave a short breath of bitter laughter. "Yeah, it started out that way. Then Snape showed up and gave word of an attack in some muggle village in the South. By the time we got there more than half of the place had been massacred. By the time we managed to force the death eaters back another quarter of them had been killed. Slaughtered like fucking pigs and others tortured into insanity like the Longbottoms."

Harry leaned against the wall feeling as though the wind had been knocked out of him. No wonder Voldemort had been happy that morning. The bastard was probably thinking of the attack that would take place. He looked at Tonks who was standing back against the window with her eyes closed. "Was anybody from the order killed?"

"Everyone's fine, though battered. Remus obviously couldn't be there so you don't have to worry about him. But Hestia was beat pretty bad by Dolohov. Rune magic, his specialty, just like Bellatrix's is torture and You-know-who's is killing. And Rune Magic is harder to heal. It'll take while longer."

"And are you alright?"

Tonks smiled. "Just dandy. These will be gone by tomorrow morning with any luck. A few days at the most. No need to worry about me."

"Says the woman who trips over air particles."

The metamorphmagus glared at him. "Go to bed. Young'uns like you need their sleep. Besides, I'm beat after today."

Harry chose to ignore her comment and nodded. "Yeah, night Tonks.

"Good night kiddo."

A/N: complete at four thousands something words.

6/1/12


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: I've been away for a while now and to anybody who actually keeps up with this story, I apologize. I meant to finish this on Father's Day but I just never got around to it. Hopefully the next update will be sooner.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 19:

Harry was happy that he'd canceled quidditch practice on this particular Saturday in March because he didn't wake up until noon even though he'd meant to wake up four hours earlier than that. Luckily he'd figured that the team had been worked extra hard in the past few weeks and they deserved a break. Not to mention that today, March 1st, was also Ron's birthday. Harry bought him a set of Keeper gloves, something Ron really needed as his old ones were torn thanks to Ron having to use them for Potions. They were mixing some dangerous concoction that could easily melt away your skin and Ron had lost his gloves, forcing him to use his quidditch ones.

Harry rolled onto his side and shoved his glasses on his face. The room was empty, wrappings strewn across the floor. Apparently Ron had gone through his presents already. The house elves would be cleaning that up eventually. _Maybe I ought to stay up here a while, _Harry thought. _It's peaceful. _That option disappeared seconds later when his stomach growled. Harry scowled and sat up. "Might as well get dressed," He muttered to himself.

_Yeah Captain, get your lazy ass out of bed. What does gonna happen when you become an auror._

_Fuck off, _Harry shot back as he pulled a clean shirt over his head while stepping out of his shorts at the same time.

_Whatever happened to your Italian?_

_It got to be too much work._

_Yes, Merlin forbids that you have to use a bit of extra thought._

The bickering continued all the way down to the Great Hall where Harry decided to just ignore the horcrux rather than look like he was having some sort of mental meltdown in front of the entire student body. _I will not be ignored! _And Harry ignored him. He sat down between Ron and Hermione, across from Tonks.

"How nice of you to join us," Tonks said with a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. We tried to wake you up this morning, but you didn't budge."

"I would've thought you were dead if I didn't realize you were breathing," Ron said around a mouthful of chicken. A blob of it flew out and landed on the table between them. "Whoops."

Hermione sighed in exasperation. "Honestly Ron! How many times have I told you, don't talk with your mouth full!" Ron just shrugged and continued eating. Hermione sighed again and looked at Harry who raised his eyebrows questioningly while chewing slowly on his sandwich, wondering what she was finding so interesting. "You look terrible."

Harry swallowed his food and took a sip of water. He cleared his throat and said sarcastically, "Oh don't sugarcoat it or anything."

Tonks laughed. "Trust me, that was sugarcoating it. How can somebody sleep for that long and still look like they just rose from their own grave?"

Harry sent her a look of mock hurt and looked down at his sandwich. "Sometimes I forget why I hang around with you," Harry muttered, though Tonks heard him.

"Because you love my witty comments and find my antics hilariously funny and you know it!" Tonks shot back with a large grin.

Harry chuckled. "Right," he said sarcastically. "Just like I love when you bitch at me. Though I do find it hilarious when you fall down the stairs."

Tonks scowled at him. "So you find the one thing that shouldn't be funny at all hilarious."

"Well when you do it every week it makes one stop worrying that you might hurt yourself."

"I do not fall down the stairs every week!"

Harry looked at Hermione and then Ron. "Guys?"

"Well I wouldn't say it's _every _week," Hermione said slowly with a thoughtful frown. "But Erin you do tend to trip down the stairs a lot. Especially that trick stair."

Ron snorted with laughter. "I didn't think that happened to anyone other than Neville and the first years!" There was a loud thump and Ron groaned, his head hitting the table. Tonks glanced at him with a satisfied smile, crossed her arms, and continued eating. Harry looked at her warily and decided not to push his luck by bickering, unless he wanted to end up like Ron.

…

"It's really coming down out there," Seamus commented from his seat by the window. Harry looked up from his Transfiguration essay. Lightning flashed from outside and thunder rumbled through his ears. He frowned in annoyance having planned to go down to the pitch to clear his head. It had been a while since he had flown the Silver Bullet.

Harry sighed and set his essay to the side to let the ink dry. He got to his feet and stretched until he heard a pop in his back that made Hermione flinch. "When that's dry can you put it in my book?"

Hermione looked at him with a questioning expression. "Where are you going?"

He shrugged and glanced away for a second. "Maybe the Room of Requirement. I can't stand just sitting here."

"I wish you weren't the only one," Hermione muttered. Harry knew that she was speaking about Ron. He glanced over at their friend who lay sprawled on one of the couches, his head resting on Lavender's lap. "You should take him with you. It's not as though he's doing any of his assignments. And then I won't have to feel his presence."

Slowly Harry sank back into his chair. "I wish you two could just get along."

"Me too, but he makes it impossible when he does his little impressions of me!" Hermione said angrily. "It's not something that I should have to put up with! And every time I try to talk to him he says something so infuriating that I like him even less!"

Harry just listened to her rant. She had every right to be angry with Ron when it seemed as though the red head was trying to do away with several years of friendship in favor of a quick snog. Harry shook his head sadly. "I'll try and talk to him when I get the chance. I'll see you later, alright?"

"Yeah. I'll put your essay up in your room for you."

"Thanks Hermione. Have I ever told you that you're amazing?"

"Every day."

….

Rustling filled his ears and his eyes snapped open, his fingers closing around his wand. Slowly he sat up and he took the edge of the curtain in his left hand. He ripped back the curtains and raised his wand, a stunner on his lips. The red glow forming at the end of his wand illuminated a very familiar face. Immediately Harry felt foolish. The thought that whoever was making the noise might be one of his roommates hadn't even crossed his mind. Harry sighed and a bright light appeared near the ceiling with a small flick of his wand.

The room was a wreck. There were wrappers littering the floor, along with his invisibility cloak, school books, chocolate frog cards, clothes and crumpled pieces of parchment. Harry glared at Ron who appeared to be eating a chocolate cauldron. "What the hell do you think you're doing in my trunk?"

Ron's eyes were wide and Harry noticed that they were glazed over. "I was hungry and I went to get your invisibility cloak. But then I found these chocolate cauldrons." He smiled brightly, showing Harry his chocolate stained teeth.

Slowly Harry slid off of his bed and sat in front of Ron. Something was off. He picked up the box that the chocolate cauldrons had been in and sniffed it. Romilda Vane had given him these. And instead of being smart and burning them, he had just tossed them in his trunk. As expected Harry was able to pick out the smell of one of Fred and George's love potions.

_Pretty good thing that you didn't eat them, eh Captain?_

_Now is not the time! _Harry set the box to the side and looked back to Ron. The red head was wearing an incredibly goofy, lopsided smile. "How are you feeling, mate?"

Ron stared at him for a few moments. "Lonely. You don't understand mate. If you've never been in love before then you just can't understand."

Harry racked his brain for something to say. Ron had eaten enough chocolate cauldrons to keep him like this for over a week. He didn't know what the antidote was, or how to make it And a part of him was tempted to leave him believing that he was in love, just so that Ron would make a fool of himself. He shook the thought away and smiled at Ron. "You're right, I don't know anything about it, but it must be awfully hard to deal with. So how about I take you to her?"

Ron's eyes stretched wide and he crawled forward until he was inches from Harry. "Would you really do that?"

Harry smiled. "What are friends for?"

"Alright… alright just let me fix myself up first."

"There's no time! You look great Ron, really! Now let's go."

Harry grabbed the marauder's map from the floor and checked to make sure that they were safe. As he had expected, Slughorn was in his office. The Potions professor was always there at this time of night on Fridays and Saturdays, most likely drinking. Harry just hoped that he wasn't too far under the influence just yet.

His fist slammed on the door twice. He could hear Ron babbling behind him about what he would say when they saw Romilda. Slughorn opened the door, his large frame taking up the entire entrance. "What are you boys doing here?"

"Harry, where's Romilda? Is she in there?" Ron asked, stretching up onto his toes to try and see over Slughorn's head. The man just seemed confused, as though he did not have a single clue as to what to say or think about the situation he found himself in.

"Yes Ron, she's just inside." He looked at Slughorn and said quietly, "I'm sorry for disturbing you so late at night, but Ron is being held under a love potion. I was hoping that you could make an antidote, although it would be rather hysterical to see him making a fool of himself for the next week. And it was his birthday today… or yesterday at this point."

Slughorn looked slightly taken aback. "Of course! But I would have thought that my star student would have been able to whip up this potion easily!"

Harry smiled easily. "I'm just worried that I might do something wrong, sir. Can we come in?"

"Sure! Come in and have a seat, boys!"

"Harry where is she?" Ron whined as they took a seat.

"She'll be here soon, Ron. Quit whining!"

"Do I look alright?"

"Yes!"

Harry rolled his eyes and put his head down on his arms. From now on somebody would be checking all of Ron's food just in case. That way he would never have to deal with any of this again. His eyes flicked over to Slughorn. The cauldron was bubbling and emitting a silvery smoke.

It wasn't long before Slughorn walked over, a small vial of the liquid in his hand. He held it out to Ron who looked at it suspiciously. Slughorn beamed at him. "Don't worry; it's just something to calm the nerves. You don't want to be stuttering all over the place when she gets here, do you?"

Ron's hand shot out and he grabbed the vial. He threw back his head and drank the potion similar to how one would take a shot. When he faced them again there was still the same stupid smile in place. Then as Harry watched, his mouth opened and his eyes cleared. Ron turned to Harry, an expression of pure horror on his face.

"Did that really happen?"

Harry grinned and clapped Ron on the shoulder. "Sure did. Romilda gave me those for Valentine's Day. They were doused with your brothers' love potion, but I suspect it strengthened with age. Most do."

"I think I'm going to be sick," Ron muttered, clutching his stomach. Slughorn let out a booming laugh and set down three crystal glasses on the desk along with a tall glass bottle of oak-matured mead.

"Nothing cures the broken heart like a good drink!" Slughorn claimed as he filled the three glasses. "I meant to give this to Dumbledore for Christmas… ah well!"

Harry brought his glass closer to him. He hadn't had hardly anything stronger than a butterbeer since the summer. It would have been better if he had brought his cigarettes with him, but he could live without them for a night. He raised his glass with Slughorn who seemed about to give a toast, but Ron had already thrown back nearly half of his glass.

"To Ralph on his birthday!"

Harry bit back a chuckle at Slughorn's slip on Ron's actual name. He doubted that the Potions Master would ever get it right. He was about to bring the glass to his lips, and then he noticed Ron. His friend was sitting completely still, his mouth hanging open. His eyes had glazed over again. Sensing that something wasn't right, Harry turned to Slughorn and grabbed the glass from his hands before he could drink.

In that moment Ron's glass slipped from his hands and shattered on the floor as Ron tilted sideways. He fell to the floor, twitching uncontrollably and Harry knelt down beside him. Foam was dripping from the sides of his mouth and his breath was uneven. Harry looked at Slughorn.

"Do something!" he shouted.

Slughorn just stood there, staring at Ron in shock.

Harry could already feel his own hands shaking.

_Calm down, Captain. The answer is in this room. Just look around._

Harry stood up and glanced around him. His eyes fell on the cabinet that Slughorn had gotten the antidote ingredients from. Upon seeing it, the most obvious answer came to him. He stepped over Ron's twitching body and opened the door of the cabinet. Ron's ragged breathing grew slower and Harry quickly began tearing out various bottles and jars. His movements became more and more frantic as time passed.

And then he found it, sitting at the very back of the cabinet. His hand closed around the shriveled kidney-like object and he moved back to his barely breathing friend.

…

Slowly Harry opened his eyes, the bright light assaulting them. He was sitting straight up in a chair. At some point somebody had draped a blanket around his shoulders.

"Nice to see you awake. For a while you had me wondering if you had been poisoned too."

Harry rubbed his eyes and looked at Tonks. She was standing next to Fred and George looking like her normal self and not her Erin self. Ginny was sitting at the foot of Ron's bed and Hermione sat in a chair opposite of Harry on Ron's left side. Ron was still sleeping.

"How is he?"

"Madame Pomfrey said he's going to be fine," one of the twins said. "He just needs to sleep it off. Mum and Dad are talking with her in her office now."

"She also told us what you did," Ginny said. "And next time I see Romilda Vane I am going to throw her at the Whomping Willow."

"And I'll help."

Harry glanced at Hermione in shock. There was a murderous glint in her eyes that made Harry want to get as far away from the hospital wing as he could.

"Harry, I need to hear what happened from you," Tonks said suddenly with a quick glance at Hermione. "Did Slughorn say where he got the mead?"

Harry shook his head. "No, but he did say that he had meant to give it to Dumbledore for Christmas."

"Dumbledore?"

Harry glanced at Ron. "I know how it sounds, but I don't think that Slughorn knew that it was poisoned."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, why would he want to poison Ron? And if he was going to poison Ron, why would he tell us that he meant to give the mead to Dumbledore? That would just make him a suspect for what happened to Katie Bell because that necklace was supposed to be given to Dumbledore. And lastly, Slughorn looked genuinely shocked at what was happening. So shocked that he couldn't move."

"Well somebody poisoned the mead."

"It wasn't Slughorn."

At that moment the door flew open. In a flash Tonks had morphed into Erin as Lavender ran into the room, demanding to know where Ron was.

_Try the only occupied bed in the entire wing where a bunch of red heads are gathered._

Harry smirked and got to his feet. He wasn't going to stay here. Already the temperature had dropped several degrees and Harry desperately wanted to get away from the frosty glares between Hermione and Lavender. "Well I need to go and change. There are only six visitors at a time anyway. I'll see you later Fred, George."

"Later Harry!"

"I'm coming with you," Tonks said with a meaningful glance at Lavender. "I need to get some of that Transfiguration essay done."

"I thought you finished that yesterday," Ginny said.

"Huh? No I didn't!"

"Yeah you did. You said that since you finished you could put off everything else for a while."

Tonks pursed her lips as she glared at Ginny. "I suppose I did say that. Well, then I think that I have put off Snape's assignment for long enough."

"You did that Friday night."

"Ginny!"

A/N: And as I think I previously mention, I will try to get the next chapter up in two weeks at the most.

8-24-12


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